Depressed at work, is it okay to leave work and do nothing?

[Autumn999]

Hello everyone,

Lately, I have become increasingly frustrated thinking about the fact that I spend (waste) the best part of my waking hours and all my energy at work. My earnings are average, not too low and not very high, but good enough to survive on. However, I constantly think about work, even after I have wrapped up for the day. I work long hours, first thing I think of in the morning is about work related issues /meetings etc.

I know a lot of it may stem from issues such as low self esteem, confidence, imposter syndrome etc., but the end result is that for 5 days a week all I am doing is “work” or thinking about “work” and totally neglecting health, wellbeing, socialising with friends/family or even exercise! Tried setting boundaries, but have not been very successful.

My questions are:

1. Does anyone else feel like this?
2. Is it okay to leave work and stay at home? [My husband also works, and we have no children, so if I leave work, we will need to make compromises and cut down outgoings, but we should be able to just get by. ]

Looking for words of wisdom, advice or any shared experiences.

thanks in advance x

I don’t think, as a person, I could stop working, but you could change jobs.

a lady works in my team as an administrator. She is fantastic and capable and could progress to other levels if she wanted, BUT she advocates for herself really strongly that she won’t:

*take on any work that can’t be completed same day
*accept a workload which means her inbox isn’t COMPLETELY empty every day

I mean, some times her inflexibility affects the team, but bloody hell I admire how strongly she protects her work-life balance and her mental load.

Oh my god! So uncanny that you should say that, yes, I did consider that - but when I shared with friends in real life, they just laughed at it and were quite shocked / thought I was joking. I must say that did deter me a bit, but it was definitely an option I was considering. also, my “self worth” issue, that is tied to the job!

IF ONLY: I can tell myself to just do what is expected at my level, I think I can manage, but I get more stressed thinking about / doing the things I need to do to get to the next level. even though, I don’t “want” to get to the next level, but feel I “must” do that.

Why not take a year or two to work in a job which is contained by set hours? E.g. retail. I think back fondly to my time in retail before my professional career. I never thought about it outside of work and if I was ill I could call in sick without worrying I'd come back to a mountain of work. Bliss.

I've got a friend like this (different field). She's all in, immersed in work to the detriment of everything else. She does contracts though - 6/9 months then takes a break to rebalance. Could you do that?

I used to be like this when I was younger. Constantly burnt out. Now I am more careful with my energy. I don't waste time trying to impress people. I work out what really needs doing. If there's a bit of a lull, I lean into it. Then I am ready for the next emergency that comes.

I have been in this for close to 10 years now, same employer. I know what you mean re: compan culture, that is a massive contributing factor. I would say my company is “nice” and people are in general helpful and supportive, its just the nature of the work that is relentless, as we jump from project to project.

Many people find their self worth so tied up with with their job/career, it becomes all consuming and anxiety-ridden.
There is life on the flip side, and it can be a very contented life.

It sounds as if you see only two options - stay in your job and slog on, or quit and do nothing, but there are so many other avenues, but a jumbled, stressed mind can't contemplate those at the moment.

If you can manage financially, why not hand in your notice and give yourself 6 months to slow down, recover, and rediscover the things that bring pleasure to your life? Just be still and find some calm for a while. You'll find when you're ready that new and surprising opportunities will appear.

Take baby steps to listen to those inner changes that have been happening in the 15 years you have been working - you are not the same person you were. Maybe this type of role is no longer for you. Give yourself the gift of time to explore something that suits you better at this stage of your life. Not all fulfilling work has to be high powered, high pay. Gentle, simple, easy come easy go ventures can be purposeful and fulfilling and bring balance in a new direction.

I own my own business. Work six days a week. I never switch off and can be in bed on my laptop at 1am still doing work.

If I don’t I won’t be able to afford my home, afford my kids, eat or pay my staff.

Your bored, change your job, get a hobby, get out more.

Yes, I understand my options are quite drastic at the moment. I also understand I may not be happy with my choice of not doing anything. :(

Some people are quite gifted that way, we all need to be a bit more like this person!

Also how about asking for a sabbatical? Or asking to work on a project by project basis?

I feel for you. I have been in jobs in the past (customer service) that I absolutely hated & most definitely contributed to depression that I had at the time.

I had a passion for supporting & helping people. I decided to quit my job, that i hated so much, and go back to college aged 30 with a 3 year old at the time.

I'm now in a job that I love and genuinely enjoy. It makes such a difference.

My advice would be to have a think at what you are interested in. Any interests, passions, hobbies that could become your job? Have a look at what's out there whether that be paid work, voluntary work, studying.

I had to volunteer for years (for experience) and have done quite abit of studying and had a few years being absolutely skint but it was all worth it.

Thank you so much for being so kind. Yes, yes and yes I agree with everything you have written. I find it very hard to let go of high powered / high pay job as I have tied this to my self worth and as a result I am always trying to jump through the next hoop and never at peace.

I am sorry that you have to work so hard. Yes, I have been trying to do something in the evenings, but not much success, I do end up working or commuting most evenings.

Thank you @Twinklenoseblows . Yes, I will be considering both the options - sabbatical as well as the retail job. Working on project by project basis is not an option - the whole reason behind my workout is that project is only a hygiene factor, and you need to deliver over an above that!

Could you ask for a sabbatical? If you’ve been at the company for 10 years you might actually find that they offer this as a policy after that long a time. I don’t think you should just work at a random job, better to have complete time off, get into running, read a lot, fully re-set, then apply to something new that uses your skills/inspires or do same role but on contract basis so less full time (or return from sabbatical)

Thank you, all for taking the time out and sharing your experiences and providing such helpful suggestions. It s all very great fully received. I will consider the different options, and perhaps will start with taking a break to rest / recover and then think through what can I do next without causing so much misery to myself.

Thank you again xx

Many many people are addicted to being busy, busy, busy. Perhaps your friends are like this too - and it might explain why they are shocked at the idea of you letting go of your job. It goes against the status quo. But a meaningful life, a balanced existence - it needs some space, quiet and calm to contemplate, at least for a while.

Will you be bored, doing very little? Well - who knows? How will you know if you jump from one 'busy' onto the next? Maybe a bit of the slow life is just what you need for a while. But if you are bored for a while, it is nothing to fear (so strange how boredom crops up as a horror of modern life) - perhaps it will inspire you onto something new, perhaps a new creative venture, a simpler, more rewarding job, some new training or education.

Nothing worth having is easy.

If you can afford to and your husband doesn’t mind supporting you financially, then sure, why not? Life is too short to be miserable 🤷🏼‍♀️

Although you might need to find a hobby or voluntary position , or passion to keep you busy. Boredom can also cause depression if your stuck in the house doing nothing lol

Yes, I could very easily take time off and be home. I've been burned out and stressed. Last year I got signed off sick because of the point I'd reached. Unfortunately I'm a single parent so have no options and have to slog on as there is no back up. In your situation with a supportive partner I think I would take a break and look for a new part time role in a few months.

@Autumn999 ok I take it back ! Good idea to quit and take a break for your sanity.

or can you engineer redundancy and a pay off……

once you have quit then maybe look at meditation, counselling, investigate why you can’t switch off. Could you have adhd or similar so that you can’t untangle your work thoughts? Is it seeking approval from an unavailable parent?
Explore all the options.
Then get another job.

but be mindful of your pension and NI contributions, don’t give up work forever, would leave you in a vulnerable state.

I don't dislike my job but yes I find that Im just pushing through five days a week to get to the weekend.

It sounds like you need to look at changing jobs or retraining. Just because you feel like this about your current job doesn't mean you're not suited to something else.

I also think that just leaving and staying at home will put added pressure on your dh which isn't really fair. Even if you can afford it by cutting back, it's a hell of a pressure to be sole earner; also it leaves you very exposed if your husband got sick, made redundant or burnt out. I imagine it could also be detrimental to your confidence in the longer term because although it might feel like a quick fix, it would be far more empowering to take your career positively in a new direction than to feel you'd just stepped out of the workplace because you couldn't cope.