Toddler saying she doesn't love me at pick up

[Hdocheub820]

Just turned 3 y.o (preschooler now I guess!) recently started nursery and on pick up often the first thing she says to me is I don't love you mummy. 🤦🏼‍♀️😭 I don't take it to heart (that much😭) as I know it's just words and a few hours later she tells me she loves me now and cuddles me etc.

But any thoughts on why she says this?

She also sometimes says it to my husband if he picks her up...'I don't love mummy' but also 'when I get home I'll give her a cuddle'. I thought maybe she is punishing me for leaving her there/not picking her up but even if I do pick her up she still says it!

Honestly she's just experimenting with language and measuring how you respond. My very vocal 20 month old tells me every morning "no bye bye mama no like you" although to be fair she only ever likes me when she wants a breastfeed- total daddy's girl. Ignore it for now but if it continues for more than a few weeks I personally think it's ok to say "those words make me sad..."

She’s testing the boundaries/seeing if you react/testing out her language. I would just reply with a cheery ‘that’s ok- I love you enough for the both of us!’ and carry on with whatever you’re doing. The less emotional weight you place on this the better- and the sooner it will stop.

Testing boundaries, could be seeing how far she can go before she gets a reaction?

she could be mad at you for leaving her at preschool?

but she’s three and doesn’t mean it.

How do you react when she says this?

Do you think maybe it's her way of trying to reconnect with you?

Yep I'd say she's looking for a reaction to reconnect with you. She's too little to know it's hurtful. It's just a way of getting your attention. She's missed you!

This is really normal but so hurtful. Perhaps she's expressing her tension about the transition.

My son has said this and I just responded with 'well I love you soooo much even if you don't love me' and he never said it again!

Yes I usually just say that's ok because I love you lots still. Just was interested to know possible reasoning behind it and if there was anything I could do to help her. It's only said when drop off/pick ups are involved somewhere (not all the time but is a little embarrassing when she says it walking out of nursery must admit 🤦🏼‍♀️)

Definitely don't be embarrassed! Kids are weird. Mine shouted Jesus Christ in a shop the other day (no idea where it came from as I never say it). He also told a shop assistant that mummy hasn't got any hair on her vagina. Now that's embarrassing.

Mine has been in the ‘I don’t love you’ stage for a while, went in at 3 and still going at 3.5! Not all the time of course, but frequent. Think it’s a combo of threenager, her baby brother arriving and me having to be in hospital for a few months. Plus just normal experimenting. She says the same to her dad but never to her grandparents or the baby, she always loves them. She is more likely to say it if we have to say something she doesn’t like (e.g time to get dressed).

for the most part I just reply with ‘oh, well mummy will always love you’ and some other nice things. Sometimes I tell her it makes mummy sad. I don’t dwell on it though.

she is starting to come out of it now and is just generally happier which is such a relief.

@NairobiGal 😂😂😂

@NairobiGal answer is great. I used to deal with this kind of nonsense ver breezily. Because of course she loves you.
I wouldn’t recommend saying ‘that makes Mummy sad’ A child can be told off for being naughty, rude, thoughtless etc. Or if they pinch and bite/hit it’s ok to say ow that hurts. But a child is not responsible for their parents emotional reactions and never should be - that’s the parents responsibility.
That kind of discussion is for much later eg a child is 9/10 and says something deliberately hurtful. It’s ok to point out that it’s offensive and hurtful. But is never sad you made me sad.

Didn't even think of this. Thanks for flagging. I actually told my son recently as part of a longer conversation that it made me feel a little sad after he kicked me in the back. Might have to rethink that one!