Friend who will only meet if you work around them

[privateyettie]

Does anyone else have experience of people who will only meet up on their terms. For example, they'll say "Let's go out for dinner on Saturday" so you plan the night with them, and as the date gets closer they tell you that they have agreed to go and see a show with another friend, but will be happy to grab dinner after, maybe 9:00pm. Is that still ok?

Or just recently, we planned to go for lunch which didn't happen until 2:45pm because they booked a really quick hair appointment for 1:30pm the day before.

Another example is that we agreed to go for a run at 8am. They said they'd be late as they woke up late. Ok fine, 9am then. I said I wanted to go sooner rather than later as at 1pm I need to go to a hospital appointment, and don't want to be all flustered for it. She FINALLY calls me at 12:30 and says I'm ready to go for a run now!

Don't make any more plans with them. If they want to go for a run and are hours late, tell them you've already been and maybe next time. Or no to all changing plans in future. If you refuse to work around them then they can't.

She's not a friend stop trying to have a friendship with her.

I think your title says it all. It's just up to you whether you want to do that? Some people are okay with it and others not. I would find it annoying and feel she had little respect for me or my time and would have stopped bothering. You could just see what happens when you make plans and she asks to change and you say no it doesn't suit have fun and so on.

She doesn’t sound a great friend.

There's a saying that basically means that if someone is always late, they're basically telling you they think their time is more important than yours.
If you'd like to keep this person in your life, it might be an idea to only make future plans in a group so if she starts changing plans last minute, you and the others can carry on as planned and she can play catch up if she wants. Don't bow down to her diva behaviour anymore. Your time and plans are important too

It's not really a friend. It sounds like you're a placeholder until something better comes along, or to fill a gap between events.

What happens if you say 'oh, no, nevermind. Another time perhaps, I've got a early start/hairdressers then/ already been'

Does she instigate these meet ups or is it always on you.

I would dump her.

OP, I know what you mean. My cousin is a bit like this. I also have a young adult DD who is very last minute with plans and the approach I have is that I try to have clear boundaries. I have explained that I find last minute changes of plan stressful and point out that I need to plan my day too / want to be productive.

I would be inclined to point out to your friend that their last minute changes might help them maximise their use of time but has the opposite affect for you.

I would probably set up some sort of unofficial cancellation policy (and try to word it so I didn’t sound like a dental surgery!) and say that if they need to change plans then they can suggest a change no later than the day before, otherwise you’d rather just cancel.

No way would I be sitting around waiting for they’d call!

I think some people are on the spectrum and don't realise it.

Also, if you don’t like conflict then if you say something like ‘I find last minute changes of plan really stressful’ it’s less confrontational than saying something that amounts to ‘you are being inconsiderate’

Suit yourself op. I vowed lately not being used anymore. I found if I was changing times round it screwed up my own day.. hanging around for them