Feel so guilty, can barely look at DC

[LoveThemSoMuch]

I have two DC under 5, they are everything I could ever have wished for and more. They bring us so much happiness, my heart is so full.

But this year I've suddenly realised how bad the climate crisis is and that we should never have had children. I know, it's nothing new and I should have known. I have mild anxiety so have always tended to avoid the news especially during Covid, and just bury my head in the sand.

I feel like I have brought them into the world to suffer. I look at their sweet little innocent beautiful face and I can't bear it, at all. I feel sick to my stomach, I have heart palpitations and can barely breathe.

I sometimes go to the Pregnancy boards on here to calm myself down and tell myself life goes on and plenty of people are having children, but I also sometimes make plans of how we could all go together if things got so bad as I would do anything to protect them from pain.

They didn't ask for this, I have failed them completely. The cuter and more amazing they are, the more I want to cry and break down.

I don't think I can do this. Please help :(

But maybe those beautiful children of yours will have an idea and the confidence you gave them to execute it, to help the environment, to reduce carbon.. you have to read the positive environmental news everyday and see how humans are changing:.. slowly, but change is happening..

If you are freely overwhelmed and consumed by it all, please go see your GP

You don’t have mild anxiety.

sounds like an anxiety disorder to me - climate change is real but your response is not healthy

seek support for mental health

This is all your anxiety speaking, and you need to speak to your GP about it.

You need to get help for your anxiety lovely, or it will affect them a lot. Please see your GP.

Definitely speak to your GP.
There’s lots of good in the world too, sometimes it’s hard to see but it’s there.

I know how you are feeling. My children are older but I really hope they don't have their own children

The thing is the only option is to kbo, keep buggering on. And if your anxiety is preventing that maybe you need to speak to someone?

I also sometimes make plans of how we could all go together if things got so bad as I would do anything to protect them from pain.

This is really very serious and I think you need to seek assistance ASAP.

Hi OP. I couldn't not reply. I do get how you feel, my DC are small and thinking of how uncertain their future is makes me sad and angry. My own childhood (80s and 90s) feels blissful in comparison. World events were happening, but apart from being told to play inside after Chernobyl and the odd IRA scare, it was a safe time. Of course, I'm looking back with rose tinted glasses, but still, it felt very different.

However, as I'm sure you'll be told by others on here, people have always reproduced, even in the darkest of times. Humans have suffered all there is to suffer over the centuries...and yet, we keep on going and creating new humans. It's ok to do that, and you could argue our DC might even be the agents of positive change for the world?

I do think you'd maybe benefit from speaking to a professional though, as it sounds like these feelings are overwhelming you and affecting your ability to function. Good luck 💐

I'm really sorry you are struggling with this OP. I do understand what you are saying - I'm not a complete doom monger but I admit part of me is surprised that the climate crisis doesn't seem to be having more of an impact on people's desire to start a family.

My children are older and of course I still worry, but what I will say is that you may find that desperate, primative, all consuming need to protect them eases a bit as your children get older. The innocence of young children is so profound it is difficult not to have a visceral response to the idea of them being in any way in danger. Once they are older, you may feel a bit more rational about it - I do worry about what the planet will look like for them, but I feel more accepting of it, if that makes any sense at all.

This. Please seek some professional support and speak honestly with them about these thoughts. All the best, OP. And for now, think back in history and see if you can pinpoint ANY time when there weren't one set of issues or another in the world that would make it less than idealistic for bringing children into it? There have always been struggles, but you can't keep moving forward by stopping, otherwise we'd have never got out of the cave.

My mum told me she felt exactly like this when my brother and I were under 5. Only it was the 70s and the almost certain nuclear war we were all about to be vaporised by. Is climate change serious, yes of course but there's always always a catastrophe just about to happen that's going to imminently wipe us out. Every bloody generation, yet here we are.

See your GP, imagining how to end things so your babies aren't hurt is a massive red flag, you need to get your anxiety under control sooner rather than later 💐

I understand how you are feeling and I am similarly concerned about the climate crisis (and am not sure I would have had children now if I was younger).
However human beings have always adapted and as a species we have survived all sorts of terrible things. Some humans will survive. In the future communities might start building houses/etc on stilts because of flooding, people might start becoming more nomadic in relation to extreme heat, people might start living underground. Nature adapts to changing conditions. Different flowers and plants grow. Animals adapt to changing environments. Your children may contribute to a better future for the planet in many ways. We are all alive now. Love your children and bring them up to value life. Life is precious. None of us know why we are on this planet but we know that simple pleasures can be enough. Teach them to learn gardening and cooking and how to care for animals. Their life belongs to them now. See what you can do in a small way in your own community.

Please seek professional help.

www.forbes.com/sites/michaelshellenberger/2019/11/25/why-everything-they-say-about-climate-change-is-wrong/?sh=1c5cc48212d6

Thank you all, I really needed to hear this. I read it all last night and it helped.

I have made enquiries for private counselling but have been sitting on it as I don't know if I can justify the cost.

I wish I could just enjoy them, it's horrible to feel like this. Its quite a normal pattern for me, the happier I am, the worse my anxiety is. I always feel like there is something horrendous around the corner and I can't enjoy it as it will all be taken away.

I think you are right @dontknowwhatisbest , hopefully it eases as they grow older, at that age the responsibility of protecting them is so overwhelming and I am so hyperalert to all threats and dangers.

Weirdly I am more accepting of all other dangers that are out of my control or couldn't be foreseen. But with this, I feel like it's my failing and I should have known better.

They just don't deserve this :(. I read threads on here and so many people are saying it is no world to bring a child into, and they hope their children never have children and I can't cope...