Ideas for boy's long hair

[Jimsbooks]

Our DS2 (9) is adamant that he wants to grow his hair. It is quite thick and wavy. At the moment the front is about cheek bone length while the back is a little above his shoulders. It often looks very messy and needs to be tied back some how for school and his hobbies.

I have tried many different hair bands, both metal and fabric. I have put it into a half pony tail to keep the front out of his face. However, he just pulls any bands or bobbles out. We have had many conversations about the need to take care of long hair and keep it out of his eyes. I have suggested a trip to the barbers to get it trimmed and shaped to help it to grow neatly. He refuses this. It would be wrong on many levels to try to force him to cut it. So, does anyone have any suggestions for ways to keep his hair out of his face that he might tolerate? Thank you

My DS has long hair but is a bit younger (6). At nursery he had a bobble at the front just to hold the main hair out if his eyes. His hair falls naturally into a side parting so it worked well.
He knew that he needed to have it all tied back for big school or else he'd have to have it cut short and that's worked well so far, he doesn't pull it out.

At 9 I'd hope you could have a serious conversation about keeping his hair in good condition and the need to cut it regularly. What do school say about his hair not being tied back?

Footballer style Alice band here.

It is cut in that Grealish style though

Why do parents indulge this kind of thing? Until they can afford to pay for their own hair care if they can’t keep it neat and tidy then it gets cut, simple as that.

Our DS8 keeps his loose unless it needs to be tied back for safety reasons (full ponytail), or because it is getting in his way too much when bending over something (LEGO etc) - in that case he has the front sections tied together in a high ponytail but the rest left loose underneath, it looks slightly Lord of the Rings elvish.

We have many conversations about keeping his hair in good condition and tying it back. I would love it if he agreed to have it tidied up at the barbers. The reality of forcing a child to have a hair cut they do not want would be pretty horrific. It would probably involve physical and emotional abuse. I am not willing to do that.
The conversations about needing to tie hair back or it will have to be cut seems to be enough to persuade most children to comply. However, I am not sure what you are supposed to do if the child will not.

He had his hair cut into a neat, short cut from the age of two, so has never needed hair bands and bobbles before. I was used to having my hair tied back from a young age so I never felt like it was uncomfortable and was used to it. I have tried the metal hair bands that the footballers wear. He won't keep it in. Am I missing any possible hair accessories that might work?

Does he have sensory issues?

Assuming no SN, it’s really NOT horrific to instruct your 9yo DS that he will be getting his hair cut short enough not to get in his eyes/look untidy if he refuses to tie it back and/or have it shaped into a proper longer style at all. Give him a deadline of two weeks to think about it. Then it’s his choice, not yours.

Do you insisting on shaving girls' heads too or is it just boys?

NellBeau, yes I suspect that he does. His older brother has ASD, DS2 does not have a diagnosis, but he is very quirky. He has a very small list of foods he will eat, needs labels cut out of his clothes and will only wear two t shirts on rotation. He has never seemed to struggle with hair cuts before, but I think there is an element of not wanting his hair cut, as well as wanting long hair. He wants hair like Sam Ryder. I have explained that his hair will never look like that because it is too wavy. He has got away with growing his hair for a very long time because it grows outwards before it grows down.

I’ve not mentioned shaving heads at all.

With my daughters hair (decades ago) if she didn’t want to have it brushed or brush it properly herself and keep it neat and tidy for school then it was put in two pigtails and tough titty if she didn’t like it.

I would have to physically force him. He would have to held down. That is horrific. I have had to do that to DS1 to allow him to have life saving medical treatment. I will not do it my child again if I do not absolutely have to.

Yeah, you can’t force a child if they are hell bent on not getting a haircut. You can’t always reason with a neurodiverse child in the same way.

I was like this as a child, absolutely detested my hair put back and pulled it out everyday at school. I must’ve looked a right mess, it was always in my eyes. I didn’t care though, it was how I was comfortable. I’m the opposite now. I can’t bare the feel of my hair down and it’s permanently tied back.

How about those flexible zigzag hairbands ?

Sounds promising Frostline. What are they made of? We have tried the metal ones. I will have a google.

NellBeauDo you think I should just leave him alone? I do not want to cause him unnecessary distress. I just want him to look like someone loves him. He also needs to be able to do his school work, P.E, swimming, gymnastics and football without hair getting in his face. I have my hair tied back all day every day. I hate having it in my face.

Teacher here. We have a policy that hair that’s long enough to get into kids eyes needs to be tied back. I have a supply of bobbles and frequently give them out to both boys and girls,

I don't know but think because i always told mine they needed haircuts from 3 on there wasn't ever really a choice. So no forcing but no leaving it until they are old enough to decide themselves. Plus 9nis quite young to fully decide, usually have to stay in school rules so no fades, tied back if long etc. Many people I know who left it until 5 or so now have this issue.

My ds had long hair all his life, only time he cut his hair was when he went onto residential, when he couldn't manage himself properly.
Our rules were clear, he doesn't have to cut it but need to be kept neatly tied back for school.

He’s 9 years of age. Would you let your 9 year old daughter pull her bobbles out like a 2 year old and go round with her hair all over her face? You say ‘uniform policy for clubs and school is neat and tidy hair. If you can’t keep bobbles in you cannot have long hair.’

I kept all my kids’ hair short when they were small. My oldest daughter decided she wanted long hair and I allowed her to grow it out but we had a talk beforehand about how long hair requires maintenance and she needs to be mature enough to do it, because I’m not chasing someone and nagging them to brush and tie long hair.

I’m not sure. I’m never good at knowing what to do in this sort of situation! I never like to force my children because I know how that would feel for me. But I do understand your point about wanting him to look loved.

Could try small steps. Just encourage and keep talking about it. I got one of my boys who used to have hair past his shoulders to get a trim by taking him to the salon I go to rather than the barbers. They washed his hair and gave him a head massage, the salon smelt nice and had a glittery floor. He loved it. Afterwards we had a treat in the cafe. The barbers was noisy in comparison (they played dance style music) they sprayed water in his face and he always left feeling itchy. So there might be specific reasons he doesn’t even want a trim that he can’t articulate.

Kirby grips or a man bun

Have you tried something like an invisibobble or a scrunchie?

I find with hair elastics sometimes you can get bits that pull tighter and they can be uncomfortable. Scrunchies and invisibobbles don't seem to do this as much. Also they are better for hair health.

Alternatively a clip of some kind maybe?

I side on letting my child have her hair how she wants to. Will not force her to have a hair cut. But we discuss in the morning how she wants her hair. It's longish, curly and a nightmare if not up so the condition is up for school/going out but in a style she chooses for the day. She actually wants it cut really short but I have asked her to think about it and if she still wants it done at Christmas we will. She is 6yo, I don't think she understands how long it will take to grow back and how little she will be able to do with it that short.

Would he allow you to cut it at home?

Thank you unexpectedbaby I have ordered some Invisibobbles.

He will not let me cut it at home because he does not want a hair cut. I think he does genuinely want long hair. He thinks that a barber will just cut all his hair off. He will not believe that they will do whatever he asks. I took him to my hairdresser when he was very young. I started taking him to the same barber as his brother once he reached about 5 or 6 at his request.

I like the idea of building up to things. I might try rewarding him for keeping a bobble in for half an hour, then an hour etc until he gets used to it.

Just a quick update- DS2 has had a little trim at the barbers. His hair is not really any shorter, but he looks a bit tidier and better cared for now. He is happy, and I am happy.