Is it weird for another parents to ask my child what she eats?

[Lou153Lou]

There is a mum with a child in my child’s year at school and on occasion we’ve chatted and she has made comments about her own child being a bit “chunky”.

Her child does not look overweight to me as in they don’t have a disproportionate tummy or an overall round shape. The child does plenty of exercise.

This mum has also commented to me on my child being “petite” which they are. All my children are petite. I used to be. I’m not now.

Then yesterday this mum had my child on her own and I’m told was commenting to my child that they are skinny and asking what they ate.

I’m not sure exactly sure why but I’m not feeling good about it.

I don’t know if I should be angry that they are introducing negative body image to my child, their child or that they addressed it with my 8 year old child when I wasn’t there.

That’s awful! On her child and on yours! I would definitely be asking her what she’s playing at!

Then yesterday this mum had my child on her own and I’m told was commenting to my child that they are skinny and asking what they ate.
Do you mean on her own as in without you, or without the DD there too?

I'd be fuming both on behalf of my Dd and hers tbh. They get enough of that shit at school, boys saying which girls are fat and which need to go on a diet. Is your DD likely to want to go there again? Because I wouldn't let her without having had a serious chat with the mum.

Was you child at theirs for a play date? If so it might be innocent part of conversation e.g when they were eating snacks.

What is the context?

If the mother was offering food such as making a meal for them and was asking what kind of food she eats then it’s acceptable.

Or if her own child is fussy or awkward about eating, she was asking what your child eats to give her ideas or to encourage her own child to eat.

If it was a sly moment of quizzing the child about her diet then no it’s not acceptable.

You won’t know until you mention it to the woman.

Chilsren have a different perspective on how things are said so it could ll be quite innocent.

Other parents think I only feed DD lean protein and leafy greens I think judging by comments I've had.

She's healthily slim but as the whole population is getting bigger people think she's underfed. This is far from the truth and she eats a very varied diet which does include lean protein and kale but also includes pizza, sweets, a cooked pudding a few times a week, a ton of cheddar etc.

People do comment on her size in front of her and do like to make comments in her earshot like apologising for having fed her crap on a playdate because they want to see if I look horrified when they tell me she's had chicken dippers and smiley faces... I'm not horrified.

It really depends on the context. If it was a jokey, 'gosh, aren't you thin? What do you eat?' then I wouldn't bother about it.
Maybe she thinks her own child is too fat and wonders what to give her so that she will be as thin as your child.
In either case, I wouldn't say she is 'introducing a negative body image' too your daughter. Children don't attach underlying meanings onto normal conversations.

Maybe she's just curious about what other people's kids eat.. Like at work when people ask what you are having for lunch

Adults shouldn't be commenting on childrens body sizes to them.

I guess she wants to see how much and what sort of things your child ate so she can try to gauge if her child is eating too much or the wrong things. She probably also sees skinny as a compliment and positive thing as most adults seem to. Children should be skinny anyway, you should be able to see a healthy child's ribs, not having a big tummy doesn't mean they are a healthy weight.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-12226744

If it was a jokey, 'gosh, aren't you thin? What do you eat?' then I wouldn't bother about it.

Can you imagine if someone said to a child, 'gosh, aren't you fat? What do you eat?'

Enough said...

It depends what was said. I might ask a young child "what are your favourite things to eat?" in a friendly way when discussing a snack or meal, but not in the context of their weight/ being skinny.

That would surely be a conversation to have with the parent though, not the child, e.g. I might ask a friend what portion size they tend to give their similar- aged child, but I wouldn't ask the child themselves.

If that parent actually used the word 'skinny' when talking to your dc then you have every right to be annoyed. It is every bit as unacceptable as using the word 'fatty'.

Are you SURE you got that right? Maybe she was just asking what your DC likes to eat so she can provide it on a playdate.

You were told- by your 8 year old?

If my 8 year old had had a conversation about being thin/fat, I doubt it would have registered with her because body shape and size at that age was never mentioned at home.

Context is, as others have said, key.

Aren't you skinny, does your mum not feed you?
Have you got hollow legs?
What do you like to eat?
Do you eat a lot of crisps?
Aren't you slim?

What exactly was said?

(if the word "skinny" was used, then obviously it's not on, but it would also concern me that my own child was worried about skinny,=bad given that she felt she should tell you)