I regret having my kids

[threeisacharm18]

I finally said the words out loud and it was a relief to say it.
I'd been holding it in for so long and I felt wicked and a terrible person for saying or thinking it.

I have 3 kids all close together under 5 . They are so clingy - need me all the time and as kids should be , messy. There's laundry every day. I clean and its only tidy for the 8 hours they are out of the house.

DH and me both work full time . Childcare eats almost all my income. I'm stressed about rising mortgage rates. We can't afford an extra 800 a month plus food bills etc.

Number 3 was unplanned and has made life very expensive. We discussed an abortion and I couldn't do it . I almost wished for a miscarriage during the pregnancy so it would take the decision away from me. So here we are with 3 kids, a chaotic life and no end in sight.

I dream about my previous child free days .

I love my kids but it's bloody hard.

I finally let myself have a good cry . Cry at the old life I had. Cry for the tiredness. Cried for sleep. Cried for time away.

I feel better. Today. Not sure what tomorrow will bring.

Remember it well - 4 under 6, the youngest were twins too. Now they are 18, 21 and 23 which is best phase ever.
I swear it gets better and even though the hideous teen years are tough they are different.
With every year that passes you claw a little bit of yourself back. I visualise it retrospectively like crawling out of quick sand. Nothing wrong with admitting how you feel though. A lot of us have been there too x

@Muminabun it's so exhausting isnt it?EHCP took 16 months, the reports are 4 years out of date, and now I have to try and use that to get her a complex needs school when people wouldn't have used it to wipe their arse in the 2020 bog roll crisis 😂and let's not start on tribunals and trying to get a sodding diagnosis!

OP you're not a bad person for feeling like this. Parenting is HARD!

If it makes you feel better, im sat here thinking the same thing, both kids are ND as am i and they are HARD together, i can't do anything unless they are 1:1 , even then its hard. Both challenging in their own way and DD is going through a refusal to go to bed and then wakes up screaming like a banshee at 5am for the last week. Im due to start a new FT job in 2 weeks and im dreading it. Plus she now has to come on what was supposed to be mine and dhs 1st child free weekend because we now cant leave her as planned as its not fair due to this kicking off. They are exhausting, they spent all day fighting over everything and i ran out of mum.

I listened to nelly furtados 'try' on the way to work the othet week, and i sobbed. Has a different meaning to me now vs 20 years ago.