Will changing DDs school help or not?

[Notquitesuremom]

Not sure what to do. DD at highly competitive girls only school in year 8. Year 7 was awful, lots of friendship issues, dd feeling alone, sitting on her own in the library at lunch, no self confidence as surrounded by lots of overly confident, streetwise girls with a full face of makeup, false eyelashes etc whereas DD is quiet, has no interest in boys or makeup.

Pastoral “care” useless, did nothing. In fact the pastoral care lady left after a couple of months in post and hasn’t been replaced.

Year 8 has been slightly better but dd still hates school, has some friends but not loads and a couple of girls in her form have been suspended due to bringing knives into school, alcohol & self harming kits.

This is a grammar school which was rated outstanding. I’m wondering whether I should take her out & try another school. In the hope there will be some pastoral support and the environment will be more caring. Her current school only cares about academic grades & in this area latest results show it excels in this.

DD doesn’t want to leave but I’m worried the little confidence she has is being stripped away by this school. I just don’t know what to do for the best.

No child of mine would be in a school with a knife problem - I would rather home educate - well rather anything really...... move home, just anything.

She is learning that this is how the world operates, that this is what she must expect from those around her. That is very sad.

I think you should make a tour of other schools and simply ask about their pastoral care - never mind the grades. And forget the OfSted - they are meaningless as you have discovered.

But that doesn't mean it's never happened in a private school.

I've worked in bog standard comps which didn't have these sorts of problems. But equally know a boys grammar which has a major, longstanding drugs problem, with everything that goes with that!

If the school is in a community where these sorts of things are the norm, then schools aren't necessarily protected by virtue of being a grammar/private.

OP, I would honestly at least look at some other schools- or, if knives are genuinely a problem in every school in the area, I'd seriously consider moving.

Op I had to pull my dd from an outstanding girls comp with zero pastoral support!

Her grammar has amazing pastoral support!!

And no pressure unlike the comp.

Be aware..
It's not a grammar thing

Some time ago a local religious school had a drug problem so much so that our minister had to remove his child. Sadly no schools are exempt from trouble from the top private schools down. Except that some children have a lot more cash available for drugs etc.

That's great - it's just naive to have a blanket belief that there are no problems in grammar & private schools......
I was once told that the grammar school that her daughters went to didn't really have or need much pastoral care because "there's not much call for it - they're not those sorts of families."

By the description, I would guess the Kent-London border.

@LizzieBet14 that's not what I said. We have loads of problems! Drugs etc. But knives less common. I've never seen it.

And long may that continue! I teach in a grammar school area and the stories I hear are awful.