Single for life now? Depressing

singlemanreadymealplan · 2022-10-29T22:16:41+00:00

I kicked H out as he was useless with DS. I'm 25, he's 30. He was just shit. Was never 'pro active' in his approach, complaining all the time about DS, never considering my needs or helping, would never pull his finger out to actually benefit me, done the minimum and complained even then, you get the picture I really miss him. He was a crap parent and ultimately not a great husband - if he was, he would've helped me more. But I miss him Funny, made me feel safe, at home etc. I liked having a husband It's only been 2 weeks! But, it makes me think - I'll probably never have normal family life with a H in the picture again. Say in 3-5 years time I want to consider dating?! I won't be able to My DS is disabled (and I have a 12 month old). So no time to date. H won't have them at weekends, I'll bet you that. Too much single handed work for him. So there won't be any opportunities to connect with someone I feel quite sad about it actually [sad] I'm a good looking woman (it's anonymous so I'll be frank), but that's it. My youth gone and no more partners Sigh

BCBird · 29/10/2022 23:25

You are still young..you will know when you are ready. Concentrate on. getting a good life for yourself your children. Take care

Milkand2sugarsplease · 29/10/2022 23:30

I left by husband a few years back and was more than happy with my decision that I'd be better off alone than with him. I wandered off into the unknown ready to face a whole new world.

Just 2 months after leaving, still happy with my decision, I ended up back in touch with my first teenage crush from years ago. We were friends for ages as both of us had been burned by our exes. Both adamant that we'd never marry again.

We're now married with DS and happier than we've ever, ever been. He's my soulmate and it's made me realise that what I thought was a teenage crush was actually so much more than that.

Keep your chin up. Be happy you walked away from something that wasn't right and what is right will find a way xx

tickticksnooze · 29/10/2022 23:33

You're 25 and you cannot predict the future. You're catastrophising.

Original poster

singlemanreadymealplan · 29/10/2022 23:41

tickticksnooze · 29/10/2022 23:33

You're 25 and you cannot predict the future. You're catastrophising.

It isn't catastrophising when you know you'll be a carer for life, unless it gets to the point you literally have to let go of your own child when they get strong enough that they could possibly kill you one day.

OP posts:

Jknow · 30/10/2022 00:14

I am a lot older than you and with 2 disabled DC. Have been a single parent most of their lives. Dating has always been a challenge, for lots of reasons, especially when they were young. But have been with my current DP for 2.5 years and he’s brilliant. I honestly had given up on meeting anyone, and then randomly met him in my local pub. He’s great with the kids but doesn’t get too involved, we don’t live together which actually suits everybody well, including the kids. But we love each other to bits and he does a lot to help me. But if you’d asked me 3 years ago if I’d ever find anyone I’d be happy with, I’d have definitely said no. You just don’t know what’s around the corner.

Ilovenotebooks · 30/10/2022 06:49

singlemanreadymealplan · 29/10/2022 23:41

It isn't catastrophising when you know you'll be a carer for life, unless it gets to the point you literally have to let go of your own child when they get strong enough that they could possibly kill you one day.

Show quote history

And you're not catastrophising? You've gone from single for life because you're single at 25 to your son killing you because he has special needs. I'm sorry you're having a tough time but you are without a doubt creating a mountain out of this in your head.

Original poster

singlemanreadymealplan · 30/10/2022 09:01

And you're not catastrophising? You've gone from single for life because you're single at 25 to your son killing you because he has special needs. I'm sorry you're having a tough time but you are without a doubt creating a mountain out of this in your head.

Don't twist what I've said - All I have said is, if he does end up going into full time residential care, it's because he poses a risk to my safety. That's the only reason I'll ever let that happen. It's been talked about with his care team before - the eventualities.

My son bites and grabs peoples necks (again not his fault, but it is a huge safety risk). So yes, when he's an ADULT MAN, him one day potentially killing me or causing great harm isn't a wild imagination. It's exactly what may happen if these behaviours don't resolve or calm within the next 5/10 years.

OP posts:

Original poster

singlemanreadymealplan · 30/10/2022 09:03

I'm not saying 'oh poor me, 25, what an oldie. How will I ever find love?'

What I'm saying is, I'm very young, and if I do remain my son's carer for life, I just don't see how I'd meet anyway or form a relationship. And maybe even if I do one day, when he's an adult man - I have a good 15+ years of having no choice but to remain single

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Hooverphobe · 30/10/2022 09:07

Good grief - you’re a gorgeous 25 year old with the gumption to ditch a fuck-nut - add to which you’re just 2 weeks out of a break-up - when are you going to sit down with a large glass of wine and say to yourself “I’m fucking fabulous”?

Your child sounds challenging, no denying it. But I’m led to believe there are men out there who will be a better parent than a child’s own biological father.

… and given you ARE a gorgeous, sorted 25 year old you stand a pretty good chance of building a future with a “prize”.

FlowerBrooch · 30/10/2022 09:22

Issue is none of us know the extent of the posters child’s SN. When I was a young dental nurse I worked in a specialist dental day surgery unit where full anaesthesia was given for complicated maxillofacial surgery and for people with other complex issues. Many of these patients were people with severe SN. Some of them were incredibly violent because they were scared and their level of understanding was just not there. It wasn’t their fault.

I would not write yourself off but of course it is harder to date with children especially with SN and to deny that seems quite patronising to the op. Getting childcare is hard.

Well done for getting rid of your useless partner that takes some strength. Hopefully your child will have some decent intervention to assist his behaviours.

x2boys · 30/10/2022 09:33

singlemanreadymealplan · 30/10/2022 09:01

And you're not catastrophising? You've gone from single for life because you're single at 25 to your son killing you because he has special needs. I'm sorry you're having a tough time but you are without a doubt creating a mountain out of this in your head.

Don't twist what I've said - All I have said is, if he does end up going into full time residential care, it's because he poses a risk to my safety. That's the only reason I'll ever let that happen. It's been talked about with his care team before - the eventualities.

My son bites and grabs peoples necks (again not his fault, but it is a huge safety risk). So yes, when he's an ADULT MAN, him one day potentially killing me or causing great harm isn't a wild imagination. It's exactly what may happen if these behaviours don't resolve or calm within the next 5/10 years.

How old is he and what are his disabillities ?
My son has severe autism and learning disabillities ,hes 12 and non verbsl ,his behaviour can be extremely challenging at times ,nobody has ever suggested he go into care though ,not that its something i willing to consider at the moment ,at 25 im thinking your child cant be very old ,behaviour can change over time ,sometimes for the better ,but its
not easy to predict.

Original poster

singlemanreadymealplan · 30/10/2022 09:54

FlowerBrooch · 30/10/2022 09:22

Issue is none of us know the extent of the posters child’s SN. When I was a young dental nurse I worked in a specialist dental day surgery unit where full anaesthesia was given for complicated maxillofacial surgery and for people with other complex issues. Many of these patients were people with severe SN. Some of them were incredibly violent because they were scared and their level of understanding was just not there. It wasn’t their fault.

I would not write yourself off but of course it is harder to date with children especially with SN and to deny that seems quite patronising to the op. Getting childcare is hard.

Well done for getting rid of your useless partner that takes some strength. Hopefully your child will have some decent intervention to assist his behaviours.

Well that's exactly it. It's all the complications that come with that situation

For example, my son gets respite care in the school holidays - for say 12 hours a week. Fine. Good balance for us - but that time is spent catching up on severe, debilitating sleep deprivation, and spending quality time with my DD

Because of my child's needs, I just wouldn't have time to date

In addition to that, I'm now unemployed and a FT carer. I don't have any time for men or to treat them as they'd deserve. Who would want me? Just based on facts here! I am a nice person, a lot to offer. I know my worth but I'm limited in what I could give

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SpinningFloppa · 30/10/2022 10:54

Op I get it, I have an autistic child who I’m a full time carer for, she’s not even in school as she’s unable to attend, it’s laughable people saying I could date I am with her every minute of the day and her father doesn’t see her so how exactly would I date?! only people in your situation would get it, I’ve been single for 5 years since I was 28. I actually posted on the relationships board asking if it would be possible to date again and so many posters told me not to bother to quote one nice poster “you have nothing to offer anyone” 😏