Supporting Wife After Pregnancy

[HaggisMuncher4298]

Hi ladies,

I realised today that my wife and I have been so caught up in our baby arriving - due on 05/01 - that I haven't really stopped to think about what kind of things can help her after the birth.

Is there any thing you had after birth that made life a little easier or more comfortable?
Or was there anything you wished you had?

Trying to come up with a few things that might help her and take the ease out of being a new mum.
Thankfully I work from home so can assist with the baby so I'm just looking for suggestions for her.

Thanks!

Why don't you ask her?

Of course, I meant take the stress out!

This is our first and besides just guessing, I thought it might be a good idea to ask people have already gone through the early stages of becoming a parent and may have a better idea of what was helpful and what wasn't.

Do all the housework.

My husband gets up at 6, and gives the baby an expressed bottle so I can have a lie in until he starts work at 9. Means I definitely get at least 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night!

Make her lunch. Even if you have back to back meetings, make her some sandwiches and pop them in the fridge.

Listen to her
she may be sore and in pain - add in sleep deprivation and it can be a very emotional time in lots of ways
do the housework
prep and clean up after meals
take baby in sling or buggy so she can shower etc
don’t wait to be asked - if you see things need to be done then do them
if visitors come ask if they can bring a meal or even biscuits - don’t entertain in this early days

Employ a cleaner!

My OH used to get up in the night when baby cried, bring them to me to put to the breast, then change nappy and settle for me. I did not even have to get out of bed!

One other bit of advice - don't pester for sex till she is ready!!!!

Until he went back to work, DH did every single nappy. He’d wake up when I did at night to lift baby out of the cot since I’d had a c section. It was much nicer to have some company at 3am!

Take as much time off as you can.

Take care of the cleaning and cooking. If this means getting a cleaner or heating up a ready meal, that’s cool.

Think about the areas where she might need help and read up in advance. If she’s planning to breastfeed, learn about the basic physiology in advance and get the numbers of a local support group/lactation consultant saved somewhere.

Thanks everyone.
There's some really good advice - some I had already considered doing and others that I'll take onboard.

We moved away from the UK and I luckily got to keep my UK based job as a remote worker - so I start work at 10:30 am local time which means I'll have enough time to give mum some alone time/sleep in the morning and pop the slow cooker on for dinner.

Just wondering if there's any items that might be useful or could make her life easier?
I'd like to surprise her with a little hamper of things for mum when we bring our peanut home.
Anything from eye masks to well, I don't know!

Do things without having to be asked - take care of the little jobs she probably does that you don't notice, wiping up the kitchen, fold and put away the laundry, empty the dishwasher. Don't expect her to do all this just because she's "off work" - having a baby is more of a full time job than a full time job. Make sure you're stocked up on baby things like nappies and wipes, and grown up things like wine and milk and snacks, without her having to ask. If she's breastfeeding make sure she always has access to a big glass of water close by and the tv remote. Help change and settle baby after night feeds.

Do lots of reading around the fourth trimester, she'll be googling all her worries and constantly worrying if baby's development is 'normal' - share the emotional load by making sure you also know what to expect from a newborn.

Tell her how incredible she is! Make sure she knows how much you appreciate her. Bringing a child into the world is HARD. And she is a warrior for getting through pregnancy and birth. Try not to compete with each other who is most tired.

And try and ignore the snarks on this post - not enough men think what happens after baby is born and they just let their wives get on with it/watch as their worlds implode.

I'm sure he'll do that as well.

But asking her adds to her mental load. If he's already prepared some broad, cover all approaches, that means she's free to ask for specific help instead of that quagmire we read about on here so much.

OP: Snacks, get her favourites in, ensure you're never low on basics, do stuff without being asked. Praise her a A LOT. It's amazing how overwhelming it is, and how crappy you can feel.

Baby blues hit about day 3, but PND can hit any time.

It's January too so will be cold and grey, make sure the house lighting is lovely and warm.

Definitely ignore the sparky comments!

Meal prepping in advance so youvd got a freezer full of meals helps - plus keeping on top of cooking and feeding her.

Basically, as much of the domestic work you can take on or outsource as well as being aware that birth takes time to recover from physically and mentally.

*snarky

Everyone on here will tell you, you should do EVERYTHING! And that being a new parent is only hard on the mother. Obviously there is the physical recovery for mum, but it's important that you have time to bond with baby and get some rest too!
Tbh, all I ever NEEDED was to know that my DH was there to help and didn't make me feel like my feelings were unimportant. Priorities both of your mental health and everyone's primary needs (food, water and sleep) and the rest can all wait!
Don't be worried about asking for help from family and friends, have a few too many takeaways if that's easier, and give yourselves a little grace when it comes to 'getting it all done'.
And congratulations on your impending arrival!

Just wondering if there's any items that might be useful or could make her life easier?
I'd like to surprise her with a little hamper of things for mum when we bring our peanut home.

My MIL bought me a case of my favourite soft drink. Like 24 of them. Everyone else got flowers. I could have kissed her. I always had a drink while BFing. When you are PARCHED.

Everyone is different so listen to her, I found the biggest help was walking my grisely baby up and down in the evening when she wouldn't settle

Take the baby for a walk so she can have a shower, wash her hair, get dressed in peace at least three times a week.

Don't tell her you are tired.

Cook and wash up. Babies are prone to cluster feeding in the evenings.

Please don't call her "mum". She is your wife and a person in her own right.

Go with the flow.

Stand up for her where midwives/he's are concerned.

Be reliable and don't provide cause for any worry.

Don't encourage oodles of visitors unless she wants them.

Give her and the baby some space too.

Good luck. Babies don't go to plan.

Book a Doula! doula.org.uk. I had one for 4 weeks after and it and it really helped us. Knowing someone can do some of the baby stuff as well as put the hoover around and hang out the washing was brilliant. Good luck with your new arrival.

Things to do

Be clued up as to what she wants in her birth plan and be ready to speak up for her.

Have meals pre prepped

Don't let visitors outstay their welcome. Cancel them if she's not up to it.

Take baby out for a walk to give her a breather.

Encourage her to see her friends when shes ready.

Have things she loves in the house - food, drinks, treats etc.

Make it easy for her to just sit and feed baby and rest when she can.

Time together, to see each other but also to talk about how you're both finding it all.

Keep an eye out for signs of pnd developing.

Tiredness can take its toll on both of you, be mindful that you're both knackered and your responses to each other might not be what they'd normally be.

Things to get

Make sure she's got more maternity pads than either of you would ever think she'll need - though nighttime sanitary pads were more comfortable.

Lansinoh cream if she's BF.

Books and box sets.

All the snacks (healthy and not - there's a time and place for both).

I'm a firm believer that you don't need all the fancy stuff for a baby having had 2 that hated the bouncer, swing. Pram and life itself but having a supply of metanium for sore bums, infacol/colief for wind, nasal aspirator for colds can make life a little easier and save a mad dash trip to the supermarket when you're in the midst of mayhem and need one of them - and it's not a lot wasted if you don't then need them.

Try various different brands of nappies, you'll find ones you prefer and fit baby better.

Ok, lots of good ones here, but here's a few things which I found useful:

• A cup with a safety lid for hot drinks. If she's breastfeeding and you make her a cup of tea/coffee, put it where she can reach it. A hot drink is no use out of arm's reach and one thing I can remember about my mat leave was pouring endless cold teas and coffees down the sink once the baby had finally finished feeding because some helpful person put the drink 'safely' to the side. Obviously, you don't want to risk getting hot liquids on the baby, which is why cups with lids are great (also around crawling babies and boisterous toddlers).
• Likewise, food - if she's stuck feeding the baby, make sure food is put where she can reach it.
• Water bottle - maybe buy her a nice new water bottle and keep it topped up with icy water next to her. I used to get really thirsty when feeding the baby.
• New hot water bottle - that helped when things ached a lot.