What is this feeling where if one more person tries to talk to you, you might actually lose the plot?

[TurkeyTeeth]

We've been away for half term, staying with family and as if that wasn't stressful enough, we brought the ILs with us too (DH's bright idea).

All week I have done the lion's share of meal planning and cooking for everyone. I've also been the default person for knowing where everyone's shoes, coats, iPads, phone chargers, sunglasses, hairbrush, toothpaste, etc is. Every morning I'm the person who everyone asks: what's the plan for today? The plan usually involving me having to suck up some awful loud place for the children's sake. Or doing something boring that the older members of our group could cope with.

The other day I really fancied having lunch in a little café followed by a stroll round the town. But MIL got in such a flap about the food prices in the café (even though she wasn't paying) that it sent DH into some anxious automated good son response and so we ended up having miserable supermarket bought sandwiches on a bench in the howling wind.

We got back yesterday and today I've spent the whole morning in bed and I genuinely feel like if a single person tries to speak to me, my head will explode. I can hear downstairs that DH is on FaceTime to his mum for the third time today already.

What is this? Is it just people burn out? I honestly feel exhausted and like I could cry!

You are 'all peopled out!!!

It's stress, it doesn't need a special name. There is only so much of other people's shit that it's possible to take and retreating to your bed is 100% the correct response. Your brain needs to left alone occasionally.

Peopled out.

Sensory overload.

Fried.

Have you got a weighted blanket?

I haven't got a weighted blanket but will put one on my Christmas list.

Is this normal? Why is it only me? DH and the kids are already talking about plans to meet up with some other family members this evening. I just can't. I do feel completely fried. Why don't others feel the same??

I get sensory overload from people too. After a morning with friends with lovely but non stop chatter and kids tearing around and interrupting every five mins for a drink… I now need to spend the afternoon in a dark and quiet room on my own.

I say I'm done peopleing

I get this every day at the end of work.

It's probably officially known some sort of overload. I don't think it's sensory overload as i can spend a day in a city by myself and I'm fine, i just can deal with peoples demands over and over and over. Im probably in the wrong job TBH. A glass of wine in bed sorts it out. I wish I was one of those people who could clear their head by going for a run.

Because you're the one who has done all the work and made all the sacrifices. Of course you've had it.

Enjoy some time to yourself and have a serious chat with your husband about why you're in this state after a week with his parents.

They've had a nice holiday. You've spent a week slaving - cooking, planning, co-ordinating, etc .
You now need a holiday to recover from facilitating theirs

I have a tendency to do this too. Next time you go away, make sure YOU get a holiday too. When people ask you what’s the plan/for/dinner etc, refuse to engage. ‘Whatever you’ve planned for yourself’ and so forth.

the trick is that YOU have to believe you’re not responsible for everything. It will transfer to everyone else if you do.

I'm the same! Came back from a week away with DM yesterday and then went straight to spend the afternoon with friends at the park. I am totally done with people. I made DH take the kids to their swimming lessons so I could 'unpack'. I spent the first hour on the bath & reading my book. I get very cranky if I don't get my own space.

I don’t do people. Got worse once I turned about 45. I used to struggle and get on with it. But one day I just decided I was too old for this shit anymore.
spent years going away with mil as she helped pay. Son is now old enough so not doing that anymore. I don’t go anywhere I don’t want. And I just don’t do people.
Cannot tell u how much happier I am.

It could also be to do with your personality type and where you draw your energy from. Extroverts draw energy from the people around them. Introverts are drained by social interaction and absolutely require alone time to recharge.

Yep stress, I thought I was an introvert but it turns out I just can't handle people wanting things from me when I'm stressed. Send DH and the kids to whatever family hellscape is now under consideration and have a quiet night in with cheesy pasta and some mindless netflix. Instruct him to say you have a bad headache if you think an excuse is needed.

Yes, this. Ideally you would now have a holiday that is a holiday for YOU, but in the absence of that, taking to your bed for a while seems like an entirely natural and understandable thing to need to do.

I understand where you're coming from, completely! You've been at everyone's beck and call all week, and you're frazzled. 🤔

I work in a setting that's quite stressful, where you have to be 'ON', all day. It's only part-time, but after a full day I need my hour and a half train commute to just get a coffee, gaze out of the window and recharge.

If someone comes and sits by me (I don't know them), they just commute the same time as me, and start chatting about the weather/their day/how long they've spent trying to get doctor's appt etc', I just politely move carriages at the next stop. I just CAN'T do any more small talk by then, I'm on 're-charge' mode!

It's called carrying the mental load, and you're not alone! Having to spend the whole time thinking about everyone else while they rely on you to ensure they have a nice time. I quite often need time alone to recharge after being around family.

You teach people how to treat you though. Work on not accepting being everyone’s manager/workhorse.

I can't be around my family without taking on the load and effort either. I wish I could.

It’s not surprising you feel like that when the lot of them treat you as a servant/ mummy figure.

Being at everyone’s beck and call and doing things you don’t like to please others is not having a fun time. You need a holiday, because that miserable week sure wasn’t one. Maybe a weekend away with DH? Unless he’d be FaceTime-ing with his mum all day. (Why does he do that?)

He FaceTimes his mum out of good old FOG. To be fair, she calls him, not the other way round.

Some of my family are especially vulnerable/have health issues, so if I'd just let things drop, I don't know that anyone else would've stepped up to properly meet their needs, meaning that they would've suffered.

I also have the type of job where people need things from me all the time and I have to be always 'on'. If I don't have enough recharge time in between work and family life then I get like this. I feel physically unwell! My sister WhatsApped me earlier to suggest a video call this afternoon and I had a full body visceral reaction of 'noooooooo'.

I am actually saying no to doing anything tonight. I just can't do any more socialising. I need quiet.

I've spent the afternoon watching junk on TV with the phone unplugged. I just can't process hearing one single word from anyone that requires a response.

It's burn out.

I just can't process hearing one single word from anyone that requires a response

Exactly. This is exactly it.