Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Would you not give a friend a birthday gift because they flake?

12 replies

queenofthequeens · 29/10/2022 11:01

Maybe flake isn’t the right word. But a friend who is very difficult to find the right time to meet with. The birthday was in August, and I promised to take her to an event/venue that she would have enjoyed. (I didn’t tell her what it was, but hint it was a full afternoon thing).

We agreed to meet the last week of August, but then she went on a last minute trip to Greece (fair enough). Then we agreed a weekend in September. I messaged to organise a time, and she said oh actually sorry that won’t work. So I said ok what about next weekend? (Answer: no i think i have a wedding)

So I left it, and she reached out to arrange. So we picked a specific day in early October and I took a day or so to try and get tickets, was about to book and asked for confirmation. She said she was really really sorry but she’s started a new job and is too stressed to meet. Fair enough. I said no worries, but didn’t arrange a date.

Now she has reached out again to arrange a date, but when I look, the event has come to a close, which is annoying because I was looking forward to it too.

AIBU to just forget about the nice gift and just give a bottle of plonk and buy her a coffee?

OP posts:
queenofthequeens · 29/10/2022 12:45

Just feels a bit mean to have promised something “nice” and then give something “not so good”

OP posts:
WitchyOsmansXraySpectre · 29/10/2022 12:49

Urgh I couldn’t be doing with chasing her like that. I wouldn’t even bother with anything tbh.

Allsnotwell · 29/10/2022 12:49

Well she doesn’t have time for nice dose she?
she’s had a nice holiday and a nice new job and no doubt a nice wedding. She doesn’t need your nice!

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 29/10/2022 12:51

I honestly wouldn't bother. If she wanted your gift of the attendance to the event then she would have made sure she was available at least once. Cancelling 3 times tells us she wasn't bothered. If you do meet up, just offer to buy the lunch or whatever in lieu of the event.

Trainfromredhill · 29/10/2022 12:57

@queenofthequeens why would you give her anything at all??? It’s nearly november and her birthday was august, she has thwarted every attempt you’ve made to make this fun event happen. She isn’t 12, you don’t need to make up for a missed birthday. She sounds like a completely rubbish friend. I’d message back say ‘sorry, I really wanted to take you to X but it’s finished now, let me know when you are free for a catch up’. And leave it at that. I certainly wouldn’t waste any time or energy organising anything with this person - let them organise.

TheSnugglyDuckling · 29/10/2022 13:00

Trainfromredhill · 29/10/2022 12:57

@queenofthequeens why would you give her anything at all??? It’s nearly november and her birthday was august, she has thwarted every attempt you’ve made to make this fun event happen. She isn’t 12, you don’t need to make up for a missed birthday. She sounds like a completely rubbish friend. I’d message back say ‘sorry, I really wanted to take you to X but it’s finished now, let me know when you are free for a catch up’. And leave it at that. I certainly wouldn’t waste any time or energy organising anything with this person - let them organise.

Agree completely except I wouldn’t even bother replying

StrataZon · 29/10/2022 13:07

I agree with PPs. Reply saying "I really wanted to take you to X for your birthday but sorry it's finished now. Let me know when you're free to meet for a coffee"
If she cancels the coffee date I would not reply to any further texts requesting a meet up

Mangledrake · 29/10/2022 13:14

I'd find it hard to clear a full afternoon for an event on request. It might have been better to have told her that the event only ran until whatever date, but it seems you hadn't known that yourself either. She probably thought it was something that's always available, like a wine tasting / afternoon tea.

I wouldn't blame her for this - tell her it's over and either get her a gift or plan something else, if you usually exchange giftsm

Beautiful3 · 29/10/2022 13:15

Agree with the previous poster. Just explain the event you wanted to take her to, has now ended. So to let you know when she's free to meet up over a coffee. I'd gift her a bottle of plonk.

Mangledrake · 29/10/2022 13:17

I am often a bit struck by how people here seem to have their friends constantly on probation, ready to drop for offences. If my friend was stressed I'd rather she said so than felt obliged to go out with me.

BungleandGeorge · 29/10/2022 13:27

Some people hate surprises, the effect of having to
keep an afternoon free
for an unknown event may have not been what you intended. If you like her I’d just meet for a coffee, no pressure or expectation. Perhaps she’s having a stressful time and is disorganised/ needs predictability and control over her environment

WitchyOsmansXraySpectre · 29/10/2022 19:24

Mangledrake · 29/10/2022 13:17

I am often a bit struck by how people here seem to have their friends constantly on probation, ready to drop for offences. If my friend was stressed I'd rather she said so than felt obliged to go out with me.

But it sounds as if OP's friend isn't that bothered about seeing her.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page