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Original poster

How do you fit in seeing everyone?

21 replies

Jogalong90 · 29/10/2022 09:23

I work all week. I have Fri and Sat nights to go out without having to get up for work the next day. I have several different groups of friends, a DH, young teens, elderly parents and like me time too.
1 friend wants to see me every weekend (either Fri or Sat), that leaves me 1 night to see the other people in my life/ have me time. I don't like to go out with friends on both a Fri and Sat night as its not fair on DH/DC and I simply don't have the energy.
How does everyone else fit it all in ?

OP posts:

OrangePumpkinLobelia · 29/10/2022 09:26

Well i am quite an anti-social type but I would say seeing 1 person every single week is a ridiculous expectation. is this person particularly needy/controlling? The only person i have ever had in my life who had such expectations was a very jealous person and detested me having a life outside of our 'friendship'.

I would say set your boundaries. It's taken me years to be able to say to invitations; 'Sorry, can't this week. But I can ... insert whatever date in the future that might be better'. It's been liberating really!

CrazySchoolTimes · 29/10/2022 09:32

1 friend wants to see me every weekend (either Fri or Sat), that leaves me 1 night to see the other people in my life/ have me time.

This is your problem. Do you want to see her every week? I'd say once a month is a lot but far more reasonable. I'm the other way, can't remember when I last went out with friends, before Covid probably.

FlamingoSocks · 29/10/2022 09:41

I can do more in the week than you but yeah it’s a lot sometimes, we also have three sets of parents to fit in!
Parents wise my MIL tends to come and stay over in the week and see us/the kids after work. I see my parents mainly in school holidays for a day or so. Friends can you try meeting for supper after work occasionally? Also weekend days we often meet up with friends with kids for lunch/walk/go to each other’s houses although appreciate that gets more difficult as they get older. Also maybe meeting up with friends for a coffee/walk at the weekend during the day? Can you pop to your parents house for lunch during your work day every now and then? Pub quiz on a Thursday with your mates, you don’t have to get drunk and you’ll be home in bed by 11.

It might help to get systematic about it. That’s what I do when something in life is stressing me. Sit down with your calendar and your DH and literally go through every day from now until Xmas identifying blocks of time you have free for socialising and a list of who you want to see and who you might be able to see during that block. Obviously also block in family/do nothing time. Then send out WhatsApps and get it all booked in.

KangarooKenny · 29/10/2022 09:42

Seeing that friend every weekend seems a lot when you’ve got others to see.

FlamingoSocks · 29/10/2022 09:43

Oh and the friend who wants to see you weekly is really asking too much. I’d set in my own mind how often I wanted to see her and engineer that. Week 1 you don’t see each other, week 2 she comes for dinner with the family, week 3 don’t see each other , week 4 quick coffee on Saturday etc etc.

Original poster

Jogalong90 · 29/10/2022 13:24

I feel its a hell of an expectation to see her - or anyone - every weekend for a whole eve/day. I'm 52 and I treasure my weekends. My week is just so busy with work and sorting the teens.

Yes she is needy/controlling

I forgot to mention about also squeezing in seeing my sister too. She was adopted and we've recently only just got in contact.

OP posts:

WindyKnickers · 29/10/2022 13:28

Well I prefer my own company or just being with my kids so I don't bother with much socialising. Maybe once a month I meet up with a friend or a small group. Sometimes more if I'm feeling up to it. Family can come here if they want to see me more often than a few times a year when I take the kids in school holidays.

Original poster

Jogalong90 · 29/10/2022 14:30

@WindyKnickers yes ! This is Me. Given the choice, I would only go out out once every 6 weeks or so but go to friends's houses/host them at mine in between

OP posts:

WildGooses · 29/10/2022 15:13

Jogalong90 · 29/10/2022 14:30

@WindyKnickers yes ! This is Me. Given the choice, I would only go out out once every 6 weeks or so but go to friends's houses/host them at mine in between

So what’s stopping you doing what you want?

Chdjdn · 29/10/2022 15:17

Say no to the one who wants to see you every week if you don’t want to for starters

Usererror1999 · 29/10/2022 15:25

since Covid i rarely go out in the evenings. Maybe once or twice a month. out every week with the same friend for an evening sounds a bit much once you get into full adulthood.

most of my friends are at the same stage of life as we are: young kids! So a lot of our meet ups are at kids activities and lunches

WaddleAway · 29/10/2022 15:28

well I don’t let others dictate how often I have to see them, for a start. Every weekend? No chance.

Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink · 29/10/2022 15:32

I tend to try for 1 social meet per weekend and I keep the other weekend day free to catch up at home. I tend to see each friends maybe every 6 weeks-ish, but I don’t count!

Agree with pp I’d just say to this friend ‘can’t do this week but how about x, y or z dates?’ At times that suit you. Meeting has to be mutually convenient and having me time/down time is just as important as any other booking in your diary.

OriginalUsername2 · 29/10/2022 15:35

Your friend is taking 50% of your free nights!
See her every other weekend instead and you’d free up 25+ nights over the year.

Topseyt123 · 29/10/2022 15:43

I just don't do it at all. I'm not a particularly sociable person.

For the friend who wants to see you every week, cut back first to every other week. Then to once a month if that's what you would prefer.

Take back control and reclaim your weekends. Learn to say no to things. You can always give the excuse of having to play taxi driver to the teenagers etc.

Seasider2017 · 29/10/2022 15:55

I don’t know how you do it, dh , kids, shopping, working & housework etc.
put yourself first, just say your having a bit of you time at home

im retired prefer my own company/house, I also suffer with panic attack/anxiety so some days if I bad I stay home but when I’m coping I want to do/go places that day and it becomes overwhelming and stressful

I now have got more better at timing things in order not to get stressed with coping with too much in one day

Whataplanker · 29/10/2022 16:02

Why are you seeing one person once a week? That's ridiculous. We see our friends probably once every 6 weeks on average. We have some friends DH and I see together, I have some friends of my own and so does DH but they probably all end up being roughly 6 weeks between get together which allows for some free weekends in between.

I love chilled weekends and get very stressed if too many of them are booked up! And yet I have another friend who is forever busy. Her fb is filled with what she's been up to and who she has seen. Do I envy her? Not in the slightest. I would have a nervous breakdown if I lived half her life!

mast0650 · 29/10/2022 16:08

Well, for a start, I don't have any friends that I see every weekend! Nowhere near!
I see a small group of friends in one evening, not just one friend at a time.
I sometimes see people midweek for a quick drink or simple bit to eat.
I see people during the daytime for a walk, coffee.
I see people with DH so he's not left out.
I catch up with people when doing some shared activities/clubs.
On the whole I get to see people about as often as I want to, though sometimes it does mean scheduling things an annoyingly far date in the future due to not being free.

Chloefairydust · 29/10/2022 17:31

Same problem, I have 2 days free a week. And friends want to see me, family wants see me. At the same time I have my own interests and things I want to do for myself but then I’m left feeling like I’m being selfish if I don’t find a way to squeeze everyone into that tiny portion of time I have each week. This is coming from someone who is childfree… God only knows how people fit in kids too 🤔

Original poster

Jogalong90 · 29/10/2022 17:33

@Whataplanker I love chilled weekends and get very stressed if too many of them are booked up! And yet I have another friend who is forever busy. Her fb is filled with what she's been up to and who she has seen. Do I envy her? Not in the slightest. I would have a nervous breakdown if I lived half her life!

Omg yes ! I get super stressed by having to do too much at the weekend/expectations to see friends/too many plans. This is most of my weekends atm. I can't cope. I'm on the edge of a breakdown. A friend of mine is also the same in terms of doing loads/seeing loads of people. She fills every single spare minute seeing friends. I don't know how she does it. I feel stressed just watching her doing it all. How she has the time, I don't know.

Plans stress me out. Knowing I've got to get everything done in the day before I go out in the eve at a specific time, puts so much pressure on me.

OP posts:

mondaytosunday · 29/10/2022 17:53

Well you don't see that one friend every week, you go out during the week, you see several friends at the same time, you see some friends during the day.

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