DD is 8.
Will talk to her teacher if he talks to her directly but won’t ask for help or seek him out if there’s a problem at playtimes etc. She will struggle in class rather than ask for help (No TA). This has been the same with all 3 of her previous teachers who were all female so I don’t think it’s a male thing. Teacher says she’s a little bit behind because she won’t ask for help, he tries to get round everyone but can’t get always get to everyone as it’s a class of 33 with just him (not critisicing btw I couldn’t teach 33 8 and 9 year olds).
Won’t alert anyone at school if she leaves her lunchbox at home, and will not join the queue for dinners even though she’s been told more times than I can count that she doesn’t have to tell an adult she can just join the queue, and the office will contact me to sort payment (it’s all automated anyway so I’d just get an email and pay it when I could). Has been known to go without lunch because of this, teacher is trying to remember to check in the morning but she is also known to lie to “save face” and the teacher won’t physically check her bag and doesn’t have access to the online system where the lunches are ordered by parents (as it’s a completely different system).
Won’t ask to fill water bottle at school if it’s empty even though her classmates do and have never been told no (KS2 and above don’t have sinks but teachers keep jugs of water for filling bottles) so has been known to go all afternoon without a drink.
Won’t ask ExH or his GF for things at their house, she goes EOWend and she won’t even tell them when she’s eaten enough or ask for a drink (she has allergies so she has to ask at theirs as GFs DC has different allergies so they keep things with DDs allergens in the house whereas I don’t). She’s even known to hold her need to go to the toilet until she’s home, she also does this at school won’t ask to go or show her pass to go and is still having regular toileting accidents at school due to this. DD basically won’t talk to the GF at all.
Won’t speak to her swimming teacher who she’s had for 2 years. Won’t speak to Brownies leaders – but says she loves both and doesn’t want to stop. Doesn’t speak to the lunchtime TAs at school even though one of them was the class TA for all of Years 1 and 2 (she was in the class with the child the TA is assigned to but is now in the other class to this child). Won’t tell them if she falls over or even tell her teacher even though we need to know.
Won’t speak to her orthopaedic consultant (she has a hip issue) who she’s had since she was a baby.
Chatters away happily to me until we meet someone, and then just sits/stands there, if I ask her directly a question when we’re with someone she’ll shrug. Is known to hide when workmen come over to fix problems with our house.
She does always ask to go to the toilet at home even though I’ve told her to just go but that’s all.
It’s just us at home, me and her. No pets or anything (we used to but they died and I currently work too much to think about getting anymore). ExHs house is him, his GF, DD and sometimes GFs DC (a boy and a girl) and ExH and his GF have been together 3 years and lived together 18 months nearly so she’s not new on the scene.
At home she’s fine, I have no concerns. She’s chatty, cheeky, but generally happy and always has lots to say. Plays fine. She is fine with other children, in the park will strike up a conversation with any child we meet, and school have said she seems to play happily at playtime.
So how on earth can I help her? She’s in her final year at this school (first school – 3 tier system) and goes to middle school in September where I’m worried her shyness will hold her back.