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Original poster

Should I cancel my weekend plans

15 replies

Viewofthesea · 27/10/2022 18:16

My partners family is having a function this weekend and I am invited with him. I was looking forward to the weekend. I have a dress and make up and I was going to do my own hair. It's not a wedding.

I came back from holidays about 2 weeks ago and I went straight back to work. The start of the week started off well but then come Thursday there was an emergency and Friday was very long and busy. I was so tired come Friday night. In the back of my mind I knew my holiday luggage still had to be sorted. Unfortunately I was required to work on Saturday and then again on Sunday. I have been working all week since then. My work week is still not done and to be honest I am dreading work tomorrow. Work seems to like to pick the last working day of the week to really literally piss on my back. I will be lucky if I am out the door by 10pm and allowed home. Somewhere between tomorrow night and Saturday morning I will need to find time to root out my outfit and tights and the iron and wash my hair and blow dry it and get myself ready while I have luggage bags and work bags strewn all around the house. I don't even know where my wallet is. Its in some bag at home.

Basically I am so tired. Saturday will be my first day off in 12 days and I know myself if I sit at all, I will fall asleep. I dont know if I feel like being in company and conserving with people. I just want to go to bed. Now one option is to go to the function and leave early bu evening time. It wouldnt be too bad if work would allow me home at a reasonable hour tomorrow evening so that I can have a few hours off in the even and I could prepare but I know them so much I will be lucky if I will be allowed finish and home by 10pm. I have a 7.30am start.

OP posts:

BEAM123 · 27/10/2022 18:18

Can you and DP have a sleep in and go a bit later, explain that you've been working late for 12 days straight and want to be fresh to celebrate with them all?

Beachhutnut · 27/10/2022 18:18

If you're too tired rest, but I would be looking for another job, that's awful op.

Ihatethenewlook · 27/10/2022 18:24

I absolutely hate the people whose solution to peoples problems is to ‘just change jobs’, but you must realise how fucking ridiculous this sounds. What is it that’s driving you to do this? You’re ’not allowed’ home before 10pm. You can’t have a day off? You can’t physically sit down because you’ll pass out with exhaustion? You know none of this is normal? You won’t get arrested or the world won’t end because you need to take a couple hours off to clean your clothes and have a wash?

Original poster

Viewofthesea · 27/10/2022 18:25

If I was allowed finish at a reasonable hour tomorrow say 7pm, it would mean I could have a few hours to myself before going to bed and I could get a lot done but I know work is just going to hold onto me. Then at 10 o clock tomorrow night, I'm going to be too tired to do anything. If I start any jobs it will be a 1 or 2 am bed and the function is starting at 11. A few hours tomorrow evening would mean the world to me.

OP posts:

Ilikewinter · 27/10/2022 18:28

I honestly dont know what to say to you OP. Your work situation is beyond ridiculous. What should your hours / shift be?. You need to work your contracted hours and leave.
You cannot work 12 days straight.
You work to live not live to work.

Beautifulsunflowers · 27/10/2022 18:30

@Viewofthesea what job do you do that don’t let you leave until all the work is completed? Not being goady but just interested. What happens if you’re off sick?
Is there absolutely no way you can say you you have to leave at 6pm and then actually leave? What would happen? I feel for you I really do but there’s no work/life balance and it’s not sustainable.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 27/10/2022 18:35

You can not go, and have a few hours off, but realistically you’re picking your job over your DP at that point. And that’s fine, if that’s what you want. But unless they inhabit a world where they understand that people earn 6 figure salaries for no life then it’s unlikely to go down well.

If you earn less than 6 figures a year I can tell you now it categorically isn’t worth it.

modgepodge · 27/10/2022 18:46

I wonder if the OP works for the NHS? This sort of ridiculous working pattern is quite common amongst junior doctors I believe.

Original poster

Viewofthesea · 27/10/2022 18:48

My contracted hours were 8am to 6pm Monday to Friday but somewhere along the way all of that changed. It was a slow change. I work in a care home. So I am cleaning up other peoples shit and waiting for someone to come in a relieve me which sometimes just doesn't happen. If it was an office or factory job I would walk but there are people that need to be cared for and can't be left alone. No way am I on a 6 figure sum. I wish I was.

OP posts:

hopeishere · 27/10/2022 18:50

If you don't walk out / away they will continue to treat you like this. Leave at your contracted time. There is zero incentive for them to get people in if you keep picking up the slack.

AlisonDonut · 27/10/2022 18:53

Yes you can cancel going to the event.

Ilikewinter · 27/10/2022 18:53

Ah ok, I understand then if your in a care home. What about if you explain that you categorically will be leaving at 6pm tomorrow and as you have been more than flexible in the past you expect that to be ok.
You'll be no good to any when you burn out and end up going off sick.

runninglikewater · 27/10/2022 20:54

@Viewofthesea when you work in care or similar your employer will exploit your dedication and your commitment to your patients/residents.

Hard as it is, you cannot let them. Yes, the odd night working late because someone is ill or whatever is expected but not this. 12 days working in a row is not ok for you and certainly not the people you look after.

You are going to have to put those boundaries on your time in place or you are going to burn out and end up off sick or quitting.

I know all too well what it's like to feel that pressure and guilt but it's not sustainable and it will make you ill.

The party might be good for you, give you a chance to let your hair down and have some fun but it's equally ok to say that you really can't face it and just want an evening in your pjs, horizontal on the sofa.

Jellybean23 · 27/10/2022 21:50

You cannot continue to work this number of hours per week indefinitely. Your own health will suffer and if you succumb to burn out, the situation in the home will become even more dire. You already sound perilously close to burn out and being so tired means you cannot give your best even though you are trying.
It is recognised that the care system has huge staffing shortages but you cannot shoulder the shortfall to such an extent.
The time has come to tell management that you have to reduce your hours even though you sound like a very caring person and it will be hard for you to do this. You must do this for your own sake and for your future happiness with your partner.

StrataZon · 27/10/2022 22:03

OP you and your colleagues have allowed this working pattern to happen. It's very short sighted of your employer as if you treat staff like this they leave!

I don't understand your use of "allowed to leave". You are an adult and once you're beyond your contracted hours they can't make you stay.
When you go in tomorrow you announce you will be leaving prompt at 6 and repeat this throughout the day. At 6 put your coat on, loudly shout Bye and then leave.

Go and enjoy the function. No-one on their deathbed ever said I wish I'd spent more time at work

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