Why can't my friend be happy for me?

[blackrailsblierails]

Two years ago I was the most unhappiest I had ever been.
My mam died,my gran died and both brought me up.
My ex had treated me so awful and really broke me,he was menatally abusive.

I was depressed-I felt alone and worthless (I'm sure many can relate )
My friend was with her boyfriend and came out with the "oh hunni you will be okay lines but never really seeming sincere "
Anyway fast forward two years her bf broke up with her and I've been with a guy for 18 months and we live together.
He's just surprised me with a week away and I honestly finally feel happy and settled
He treats me better than ever and I can actually see a nice life for me (touch wood )

My friend sends me nasty messages if I'm out with him and he tags me on fb
We were away for a weekend and she messaged
"Must be nice,I'm unhappy but nobody cares do they"

Then last week I told her about the holiday and she stopped replying to me
Then posted quotes about people not being happy for long etc etc
It feels like she was happy when I was low and had no life but now my life is okay and I'm happy she doesn't like it.
She has a online boyfriend who lives in Australia and she claims she's so happy with him (they've never met in a year ) and we live in uk.

Wouldn't you think she would be happy for me ?
After everything I've been through
I would be happy for her

Humans are complicated, what you describe is not uncommon. I would take a step back, she sounds like a drain.

She's no friend.
On a more cheerful note, I'm glad that things have got better for you and I hope they stay that way.

Get rid of this mood hoover - real friends don't act like that. And stay happy!

"Must be nice,I'm unhappy but nobody cares do they"

The only answer to that one is:

"Yes, I know just what it's like, nobody cared when I was unhappy either".

I'd be tempted to reply "oh hunni you will be okay" on every single social media post...

I had a friend like this, she loved to rub my nose in every win and achievement she had and would drop me like a hot potato when I was doing well.

@blackrailsblierails “She has a boyfriend in Australia but they’ve never met”

🤣😂🤣

I had a friend like this. I haven’t seen her for years. I’m very happy!

She’s jealous. I had an ex-friend who was just like that. She loved to Lord it over me when I was the sad single mate with always a pathetic story to tell dating wise. Meanwhile she had a steady boyfriend and lived with him. Fast forward a few years and I get with (now) DH and you can immediately tell the green eyed monster is out. Her bloke has never proposed in 15 years, whilst DH and I have been married for 9 years now. Also, her bloke is out on the town with his mates most weekends whilst DH and I have a settled life. Once I stopped being a saddo, she couldn’t Lord it over me any more and that’s what I think it is with your mate @blackrailsblierails

perfect!! OP I’m pleased that things are looking up for you. Your friend was never there for you and now she wants to drag you down with her, I’m not sure how good a friend she is

She's clearly feeling jealous. Just ignore her. Enjoy your life, you deserve to.

I have a similar 'friend' and I've backed off massively. Some people just love to have a pathetic friend who's life is a mess so they don't feel so bad about themselves.

She doesn't sound as though she is in a place where she is able to be happy for you because she herself is clearly struggling at this time. When people are unhappy or lacking things in their lives they often compare their lives to others lives and end up feeling worse or (even more regrettably) get sucked into hoping things go wrong for those who have things they want as thinking that way is one of very few things that make them feel better in the moment because they don't want it to be just them.

It doesn't sound as though you were particularly close or that the friendship was one you got much from so I would question why you need her to be happy for you or why you engage with her.

I think I'd just feel sorry for her that she was in a low place and hope she found a healthier way out of that but retract from the friendship and focus on enjoying that your own life is making you happy. Recovering from loss is such a hard journey, people who haven't been there rarely understand how deep the pain is. I'm sorry for your losses OP.

She’s not a friend.
People like that are self indulgent and just plain selfish really. They literally care about no one but themselves, but that’s not enough - they need others to be caring and fawning over them 24/7 too or t etc are prone to sulk, especially on social media. You give them all your attention or you don’t care, there’s not middle ground to them. Narcissists. And I don’t use that word lightly, I know it gets thrown around very easily on MN. I’ve got no time for people like that - take a step back from her.

You are in the totally opposite situation now. Were you truly happy that your friend was happy and having a great time when you were not? You said she sounded insincere. If you said the same thing now to her, do you think she will feel genuine?
People are different. Maybe you felt happy for her when you weren't She is more straight forward and shows her feelings.
Anyways, you are happy now. You know she isn't. Just enjoy your happiness.

She is no friend. She only likes it when she can lord her life over yours. I have dealt with it myself in a few occasions. It’s a pretty horrible mindset to not be happy for friends, be glad you don’t have that mentality and move on from her.