Baby name regret - normal or no?

[MaybeBabyNameRegret]

DD was born two weeks ago. DH and I were undecided on the name until she was born. We are from different countries and wanted a name that would be easy for both families to say. We had a short list but couldn’t decide and felt relatively neutral about all of the name. A week or two before baby was born, I thought of DD’s name and loved it. DH and DC1 didn’t like it as much (in fact DH said it was an old woman name) but in the days before the birth DH decided it was actually his top choice.

When DD was born we said we would wait a day or so before deciding. DH stuck with wanting the name I had chosen, and I agreed it was a good name. We have announced it to friends and family. But now when I say it, it somehow doesn’t seem right? I keep calling DD our DS’s name (which has the same syllables but is a very different name, not rhyming or match-ey or anything), or having the urge to call her my initial first choice name (that DH absolutely vetoed from the beginning, but I still called her in my head whilst she was in my tummy).

I don’t dislike her name and many people have complimented us on it. But somehow it just doesn’t roll off if my tongue? Not sure if this is normal postnatal sleep deprivation and second baby muddled head or if I’m actually regretting the name? DH is steadfast that he likes the name and thinks it is perfect for her. Have you experienced this?

(I won’t reveal the name here for privacy, but it’s nothing wild, think a classic name like Anna or Rose).

I should add I have no idea what else we’d call her, her middle name is for a family member but we don’t want to use as a fist name. There is one name from our short list that was close to being her name but DH thinks it’s absurd to change it now (and I’m not sure that I like it any better than the name we chose anyway!)

Yes this happened to me. I didn't like her name properly until she was a few months old!! I drove myself half mad with worrying about the name in the first place and then worrying I had made the wrong choice. She's 2.5 now and I love her name and it's now "hers".

It took me a while to feel like my babies names were theirs.
I thought it was because they don't know their name and they obviously don't react to them so it feels weird.
I think its normal to second guess a name choice but if its uncertainty rather than sudden hate for the name - its probably fine, you just need to get used to it.

It took a week for one of my girls to fit their name and the other one took about a month. I love the names now and they suit them completely

Thank you both, v reassuring. Saw a health visitor yesterday who kept mucking up her name which added to my doubts!

I had my name for DD 3 months chosen as soon as I knew she was a girl (obviously Imogen) it’s lovely but for some reason I really think she suits another name. However, my DP never liked the other name I’m thinking of

I think give it time they will be one the names

@Imogensmumma thank you. Yes it’s not necessarily regret as doubt maybe? I also had a girl name picked out before we were pregnant, but several friends used it so we came up with this one! I’m trying to use her name as much as possible and hoping it stars to click soon. Imogen is a lovely name, btw xx

Not necessarily regret but as DD grew the name we picked didn't seem to fit her as well as it did when she was little, if that makes sense. She's a teen now, I don't dislike the name at all, it's fine and it is 'her' but I do think her middle name would have been a better fit!

@BearSoFair thank you. Yes, I wonder about this, does it fit her? But what else would I choose, I have no idea! The only other name for me is the one that DH absolutely vetoed so that’s definitely a no.

with DS, we were also undecided but spent a few days after birth trying out all of the names from the short list until we decided what felt like a good fit! Somehow I suppose this one feels rushed? I’m trying to use it as much as possible to get more used to it. It is a lovely name!

Just change it. My
friend changed her babies name when she was about 6 months. I
don't see them as we moved away, so continued for about 3 years using the original
name.. oops

@whattodo2019 thats the odd thing, I don’t have any other name I like or want to change it to! Just feels a bit unsettled somehow?

If you don't have a preferred name, stick with it and use it a lot. I remember when my DS was born #2 born, it felt strange to call him
by his name. Just new to the world i guess

Hello there. I’m going to send you a private message as I had the same problem

I can’t see how to PM you!

My second son was born in august 2021. We decided on a name two months before he was born. We didn’t know the gender but had one girls name and one boys. When he was born my husband said he looks like his name so between us we settle on it although took the following 2 days to confirm. Within that time we were bombarded with messages asking for his name. Why did everyone do this? Why did it matter to anyone? It didn’t but it really made me feel rushed into it.

2 days after we announced the name I would ask everyone ‘is it ok’ after introducing him. Whilst cringing everytime I said his name. It is a name which is similar to mine .. why did I chose that name I kept thinking!

The thoughts consumed my entire life. I would wake in the night panicking about it. I would spend my days texting everyone wondering if we should change it. 3 months down the line we decided to order the form to officially change it. Then Christmas came - we received gifts with both his original name and his new name which only family knew. I was so confused!!!

We didn’t change it. And I am so glad we didn’t. It took me 8 months to come around to the name.

I wrote on these forums. Nothing helped. Some people suggested I had PND. Of course I didn’t I thought - I just don’t know what to call my child!

Anyway with the help of some professionals 8 months later I came out of the spiral of worry about his name. It was never about his name and I can see that clearly now.

This reply may not help you. But it might help someone else going through the same thing! Being a new mum is hard. Being a second time mum is even harder!! But deep down the answer lies with you. I asked so many people for their opinion and I look back now and wonder why! He’s my little bundle of joy no one else’s!

it’s absaloutly not weird if you want to change his name. But I can assure you if you don’t that one day it’ll just click!! That’s coming from someone who thought there would never be an end to the worry!!

I hope that’s helped in some way. You’re doing amazing mumma!

I think it's common. It is weird naming a human. Normally, people come with a name and it is inextricably linked to their identity. When you have a baby - particularly when you don't settle on a name until they're here - it feels blooming peculiar to just chuck a name at them and hope it sticks. I kept calling DS Jack. Nowhere near his name at all so heck knows what my brain was doing.

You can tell us the name on here. You've name changed obviously. Nobody will know it's you irl. It can help to have an objective view of the name and/or suggestions of nicknames sometimes.

I think it's normal for a second baby. Your DC1 has grown into their name and also has quite distinct traits and personality by the time you have your second. By comparison the baby is a bit of a blank canvas and the name is new, so doesn't stick or have much to stick to, if that makes sense.

Try not to focus on it, just let it fall into place, hear other people say it etc.
Congratulations on your baby

Dd1 and ds both had their names from me being pregnant.

Dd2 we had a list of around 10 names but couldn't quite decide so said we'd wait until she was born.

Midwife had one of the names on the shortlist and so we kind of went with that one.

I hated saying her name - it never felt right. The night before she was due to be registered ( so weeks old at this point) I stayed up all night literally staring at her. When DH woke up I told him I couldn't name her that and it wasn't her name. We switched to a different name from the list and honestly I'm so so glad we did.

She's now close to 4 and even friends say she's 100% not her original name - it wasn't an out there kind of name either , very much a name you will have heard and quite traditional like all the names our kids have

If you want to change it, I would. I was worried about how others would react but turns out I wasn't the only one who felt like wasn't a little xyz

@lancastercourt thabk you for sharing, I’m happy you found a name you felt was right xx

My 3rd baby we hadn't chosen on in car ride to hospital mid contractions where I shouted as an answer to my DP gently asking what's her name? I was 8cm tbf. It felt v v strange to name her. My 2 ds's were different tho, my oldest had his name at 20 weeks after the scan - but even when born I had to say baby (his name) my brain had to specify I was talking about the baby as it felt so werid, he's 8 now and other 6 and DD is 10m

I didn't so much regret his name as just couldn't get used to it for a while. Maybe a good couple of months or so.

It was our first choice although we liked many other names on our list that could also easily have become first choice.

I put it down to just finding it weird all round that this little person now existed and had a name of his own and decided to just power through until I got used to it!

I agree with this completely. I used to say DS' name and then panic that I'd got it wrong - a bit like when you're in a meeting or something and think you know someone's name but you're not sure and then spend the whole time worried you'll call them the wrong thing. I basically felt like that with DS for a couple of months. He's 3 now and 100% suits his name.