Would you consider this safe?

[Strathyre]

Yesterday my FIL was helping with childcare for my 20-month old twins. With the agreement of my husband, he took them out to the park on his own without the buggy, just walking. It's a short walk across one 30-mile-an-hour road. We have never taken them walking on roads before even a short distance, so they are not used to keeping out of roads, waiting for us before they cross etc. I have been meaning to get reins so I can start getting them to walk more places, but just haven't got round to it yet. I just don't feel confident going with nothing and I'm afraid of both of them running in different directions.

I have suffered with anxiety in the past and I know that if I tell FIL that I don't want this to happen again, he would go along with it but in his mind he would be going along with it so as not to upset his crazy anxious daughter in law, not because of any valid safety concern. Sometimes I feel that he does things like this deliberately to make a point to me that I'm crazy but I don't know if he actually means it that way.

I also find it difficult to know if I'm being overly anxious here, or if it's the other way round and I'm not keeping my child safe by allowing this. It would be really helpful to have some external opinions!

I have twins, albeit grown up now. When they were small it was either in the pushchair or on reins. It takes a second for them to let go of your hand and run off to look at a dog, a leaf, an interesting stick etc. If they both do it and go in opposite directions, which way do you go first?
I look after my grandchildren a lot, I'm a lot older and not as fast as I was and more importantly, they're not my children so again, it's either in the pushchair or on reins. You are not wrong in worrying.

20 month old twins! My dad scoffed at our insistence on checking if DCs' carseat fitted properly ("I've checked online, the internet says it will definitely fit") and when I put his coffee at the back of a table to keep it out of toddler reach he would pointedly move it right to the front. Sometimes you have to live with the judgement and back yourself.

Order reins today. Discuss the walking with your husband and maybe trial taking them on a walk together. I think YANBU and anyone who puts a toddler at higher risk just to belittle their parent is a dick.

I probably would have done with mine but then I’ve never had twins so think I’m underestimating how hard it would be!

You need to prioritise getting the reins.

Then there will no longer be the issue

Thanks these are helpful comments! I will order a second set of reins today. I will also talk to my husband as I think he needs to get better at standing up to his parents - it shouldn't always have to be me.

If your gut instinct tells you it's unsafe, it is. Don't agree to anything you think isn't safe. Your are the child's mother. Not twins, but I had a 2 year old and a one year old and I once tried to take them both on a short walk. Never again!!

I used to take mine out with the dog, sometimes I didn't know which harness to pull!

Depends on whether they're bolters or not, really!

Not at all so far, they are more on the clingy side, which sometimes I am grateful for!

Just get the reins and point out to FiL that though it's MOSTLY a safe road, if a nutter comes along, it allows him to pull them to safety "I know you would never forgive yourself if you weren't able to protect them" etc (hard as it may be to say this if you think he's a bit of an eejit).