Why do people have friends??

[GizmoIsSoFluffy]

Disclaimer: I have severe social anxiety and show signs of autism.

Genuine question. Why do people have friends? What is the reason, and why as a species do we seem to need them. I find the concept of friends strange, as how can you trust what anyone other than yourself will do. Surely you will end up hurt. And is asking others to invest their time in you is selfish?

Saying all this I have no friends and do feel lonely. But can't bring myself to trust others and wouldn't know what to do with a friend if I had one.

Friends are fun, they support you in hard times, help you when you need them, laugh with you, give advice, amuse you and offer love without the extreme closeness of a partner or the responsibility of a family member.

Just because you don't know what they'll do doesn't mean you can't trust them. Or that they'll hurt you. And, basically, for me (NT) it's better to have had a friendship that ended than to have never had someone choose to be your friend at all. I can recover from hurt but I'd struggle to be completely alone.

I spent this afternoon with my friend and both of our kids in the park. We walked, talked, put the world to rights and had a laugh.

I had a work situation I needed to sound out to someone & I trust her judgement. She works in a different industry to me so can provide good external advice & clarity. We are opposites in character and work very well together.

I’m autistic too.

We are meant to live in tribes and help each other - reciprocal altruism. I guess that some would have lived on the fringes but we still need each other. You just need to find the right people.

I find things out from friends and family that I may never have discovered online. Things like a very local food hub, apprenticeship schemes, financial information. If your friends have jobs in certain fields they can provide very useful information.

You can share ideas and thoughts, get people’s opinions…you don’t always agree but sometimes they point out something you hadn’t thought of. Not very often if you’re an over thinker like me but it does happen sometimes!

If you select your friends carefully you can share the experience of being human and being autistic. It helps you to develop as a person. As an autistic person you can develop social skills and cognitive empathy until you’re more competent than a lot of NTs. Then you choose who you want to be friends with and you can have different friends for different reasons. Like one who shares a love of animals and another one who you discuss difficult family members with, someone who enjoys the same food who you can go for meals with, someone who has very interesting ideas that make you think etc

I think I'm really odd. I love people and hate them all at once. I think people were made to be in relationships with others which is my main reason for having friends.

Sometimes I resent it when I think I've seen them too much or they get too involved in my life but when I don't see my friends I miss them.

Basic tribal instinct. In the wild humans don’t survive well solo, we do much better as groups. So we’ve evolved to feel lonely
as a way to drive us into groups to help
us survive.

If I don’t talk to people for a day I start feeling very stressed and agitated.

Thankyou everyone, your comments have been very helpful.

No man is an island. I come away from meet ups with friends feeling buoyed up. Had a coffee the other day with a gang and we were in hysterics about our teens escapades. Parenting teens can be tense and stressful so laughing about it really helps.

Could not have got through the early baby toddler drudge years without the other women I met going through the same thing. I would find life hard and lonely without other women. That said I recharge on my own so am a sociable introvert.