How do you cope having to do it all?

[oldandfeckless]

This is a question to all those who are a bit tired. How do you cope with the demands of being the one everyone turns to all the time?

2 teen kids with mental health issues, plus elderly parents who rely on me for everything

My job is stressful and I'm sitting professional qualifications to try and further my career as I'm in debt and need to clear it and improve my finances.

But my god I'm tired. I just want to have one day where I can hide away and not think about others (selfish I know). All my life I've been told I need to look after others and now I just feel like I could cry with it all. My parents were older when they had me, both had health issues and I was always told I would need to look after them when they were older, but also expected to have the careers, university degree etc. I wanted children and I love them so much but I am so so tired.

Nothing to gain from this post other than some solidarity from others in the same boat. I can't change what it is, and one day I'll be at a loss and regret not having such a busy life but just want to vent somewhere

I am absolutely exhausted (hence the username) 2.5 year old who doesn’t sleep and DH who works constant nightshift so parenting is mostly on me despite also working 4 days per week.
My house used to be clean and tidy every single day, now I don’t have the time or energy when I know it will just be messy again within the hour.
No time for myself and no time for DH, just feel like I’m living on autopilot.
Sending solidarity

This used to be me but my kids are grown up now and my parents passed away.

I think you could put things in place to make things easier and to lesson the burden. I'd start with a heath check for yourself, everything checked, blood, iron levels, hormone levels etc etc .

Then i'd put care in place for my elderly parents. Sounds as though your parents had you solely in order to look after them in their old age. I don't have to tell you how wrong this in. And i dont have to tell you that you don't have to look after them - I mean, it's not a legal requirement right 😀

Are your teenagers getting help for their mental health problems and does their father do anything to help them?

Your priority is your DC.
Your parents should be buying in help and care. It's what we save for all our lives. Gardeners, cleaners, carers, taxis etc. Surely they're not happy to rely on you for everything indefinitely when you have such a busy life. Are they?! I would be thinking far less of them and making different choices in that respect.

To be honest, it’s realising that you’re human, not superwoman, and making a decision to look after yourself.

Imagine you died tomorrow, what would your parents do then? They would adjust and find other means of help - they’d have to. So you either wait til you burn out and force them to adjust then, or you make a decision that you’re worth more than that and make them adjust now.

Ideally you make the shift now while you still have your health. Feelings of guilt might crop up, but they will pass.

What kind of mental health issues do your children have? If there’s any possibility that they’re rooted in people pleasing or low self esteem, one of the best things you can do for them is start living your own life with integrity and model healthy boundaries to them. You only have so much energy and you need to operate to that amount and say no to anything else. They’ll learn from you.

This is me too. I don't really manage tbh. I am permanently run down.

Sometimes you just need to have a rest day.
but long term your parents need to get a Gardner, cleaner and some ready meals in. I am assuming they are not at the care stage yet. And if you can afford it a cleaner Gardner and some ready meals for your family.

No words of wisdom I'm afraid. Just solidarity. I'm not. Well I feel like I'm not (coping that is).

Currently sat in bed mustering the energy to get up. There's a pile of stuff to do and a day of studying.

I have a headache stem from feeling overwhelmed by it all.

I have a pre-teen and a teen. They are going to have to do more to help out.

Single parent and struggling to do it all. It all falls on me.

I wish I could give you more than solidarity. My parents are great but elderly widowed MIL who believes with every fibre that if we would just get up at 5am to drive our young children 50 miles into her care and then, I dunno, stayed there all day to learn from her wisdom, they wouldn't be hard work.

They are pre-school age. Of course they are hard work.

I have just decided to take my savings and spend them on my own career development. They'll rebound to the kids in time, but if I don't have something that I have to put proper boundaries around as investment spending, I'll dissolve into a cloud of caregiving and just be... sad.

I am in the same position but have a sibling who stepped away from our DP (for her mental health apparently) and left everything for me to juggle - thanks a bunch! It feels like I'm constantly running to catch up!
I carve out an hour to myself every day (yoga and or nap when wfh) otherwise I'd go mad!