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Original poster

Egg donor question

26 replies

namechange085 · 22/10/2022 21:18

An old work colleague recently announced someone had had a baby using her donor eggs and how pleased she was. I thought this was amazing and such a fantastic gift.

I wanted to ask her more but didn't want to seem nosey. I wondered if there are many MNs on here who have donated eggs that have resulted in a baby being born. How did you feel? Do you think about the child often? Do you feel like you would like to see them?

OP posts:
strawberrysea · 22/10/2022 21:22

namechange085 · 22/10/2022 21:18

An old work colleague recently announced someone had had a baby using her donor eggs and how pleased she was. I thought this was amazing and such a fantastic gift.

I wanted to ask her more but didn't want to seem nosey. I wondered if there are many MNs on here who have donated eggs that have resulted in a baby being born. How did you feel? Do you think about the child often? Do you feel like you would like to see them?

Donating eggs can negatively affect your health in several ways, I'd advise doing an awful lot of research if you're considering it.

It also involves injecting hormones and the procedure to extract the eggs itself is very painful.

Neighneigh · 22/10/2022 21:28

"Donating eggs can negatively affect your health in several ways, I'd advise doing an awful lot of research if you're considering it.

It also involves injecting hormones and the procedure to extract the eggs itself is very painful."

Not exactly....have you done it? I have. Yes it wasn't exactly pleasant and no I didn't enjoy injecting myself with drugs/hormones I didn't need but you do have to be on the selfless side to do it. The extraction is done under anaesthesia not with a fork. Honestly.

KL2222 · 22/10/2022 21:30

Neighneigh · 22/10/2022 21:28

"Donating eggs can negatively affect your health in several ways, I'd advise doing an awful lot of research if you're considering it.

It also involves injecting hormones and the procedure to extract the eggs itself is very painful."

Not exactly....have you done it? I have. Yes it wasn't exactly pleasant and no I didn't enjoy injecting myself with drugs/hormones I didn't need but you do have to be on the selfless side to do it. The extraction is done under anaesthesia not with a fork. Honestly.

@Neighneigh well said!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Bitterbean · 22/10/2022 21:30

Extracting the eggs is done while under anaesthesia so you can't feel a thing.

forlornlorna1 · 22/10/2022 21:38

I've donated eggs. Very gruelling process. I wasn't expecting the extraction to be so painful but it was awful. Had a general for the procedure but it took me weeks to recover. I donated for someone I knew and the rest of my eggs I donated to whoever wanted/needed them. I don't know if anyone conceived with them.

Haveawordwithyourusband · 22/10/2022 21:42

I have, it was egg share during IVF. I only
decided to find out the outcome quite a few yrs down the line because I managed to have my own children after subsequent cycles. I don’t think I could have faced this information while I was still struggling to conceive myself.

The children born using donated eggs are entitled to find out the donor’s details at age 18 so I wanted to know if this was a possibility so that I could be open with my children about it.

I’m glad it worked out for the other lady and yes I’d love to see them if I ever get the chance, but it’s not something I think about often.

Clymene · 22/10/2022 21:47

There are risks to donating eggs. From another thread:

www.statnews.com/2017/01/28/egg-donors-risks/

It is an article about the fact that the long term health impacts for egg donors are still not well known. It mentions that

The one study on egg donors is a 2005 survey of 80 women who had donated eggs as long as two decades earlier. Thirteen of them said they were still experiencing physical effects that they attributed to the donation — things like ovarian cysts, fibroids, and infertility issues that arose later in life. But it was a small and unscientific sample, with no medical records to back up the women’s claims.

That is 16% of these women experienced issues.

There are also risks to women carrying foetuses not using their own eggs - pregnancies are much higher risk.

Quite apart from the fact that your baby is not genetically related to half its parents.

falllakes · 22/10/2022 21:58

Bitterbean · 22/10/2022 21:30

Extracting the eggs is done while under anaesthesia so you can't feel a thing.

I had ivf my egg extraction wasn't done under anesthesia and I agree with a pp it was bloody agony.

But more importantly I am not comfortable with dc actively being put on the path of not being raised by their biological parents.
(It is different if they are adopted as a result of the need to ensure safety.)

catchthedog · 22/10/2022 22:02

@Clymene pregnancies are not much higher risk at all according to every specialist I've dealt with over the last 8 years.

seven201 · 22/10/2022 22:25

I've not donated eggs but I have had two egg collection rounds for ivf. I had mild ovarian hyper stimulation for one round. Whilst it's not nice, it wasn't awful. Mine were both under sedation (the awake kind). I just don't want people to read this and be put off instantly by the risk of pain. It wasn't that bad really, although of course everyone is different. Injections and meds are something that just needs to be done to me. It's not for long.

I think women who donate their eggs are AMAZING!

Clymene · 22/10/2022 22:29

catchthedog · 22/10/2022 22:02

@Clymene pregnancies are not much higher risk at all according to every specialist I've dealt with over the last 8 years.

Perhaps you should do your own research

evidence.nihr.ac.uk/alert/donor-eggs-may-be-linked-to-higher-risk-of-pregnancy-complications-following-ivf/

RNBrie · 22/10/2022 22:40

I donated eggs 10 years ago. The injections were fine but I felt quite anxious about doing it right, it was a stressful experience rather than a painful one. Extraction was completely painless under sedation.

The fresh cycle the couple did wasn't successful but I checked with the HFEA a couple of years later and discovered they'd had a daughter a year or so afterwards which I'm guessing was from a frozen embryo.

I have three dc and they all know there is a girl a similar age out there who might find us one day. We talk about in the same terms as blood donoring.

I don't think about it very often but when I do, I'm glad I did it and I hope the family are well.

catchthedog · 22/10/2022 22:42

@Clymene I suggest you read the study you linked...

ComtesseDeSpair · 22/10/2022 23:17

I donated eggs to a friend-acquaintance who had leukaemia as a child; the treatment left her infertile. It wasn’t something I’d ever planned to do, I offered when high on a night out and then when she later awkwardly asked if I’d been serious, I decided that yes, I’d actually meant it. She has a daughter, I met her a couple of times as a newborn, though friend and I aren’t particularly close and rarely see each other so whilst her daughter has been told afaik that she was born from donated eggs, I think the plan is to leave it up to her to decide as an adult if she wants to know who / find out more. I’m not pulsed either way. I don’t really feel anything towards her, or think about her except when reminded, she genuinely doesn’t feel like anything to do with me. I’m childfree by choice without a maternal bone in my body, which I’d speculate is the reason.

I also agreed for my eggs to be shared with other women to reduce the cost of friend’s IVF. Through the clinic I know another girl was born to a couple a couple of years after. Again, I’ve no feelings either way about the potential of her contacting me in the future. It was nice to have been able to help some people to have something they desperately wanted, through something I was never going to use. I’m not a naturally giving person so I surprised myself, in a way.

Googlecanthelpme · 22/10/2022 23:22

You sound like an incredibly giving person!

@ComtesseDeSpair

MissPinkCakeyBun · 22/10/2022 23:38

I've done it 4 times in total all anonymous and altruistic so not paid
Twins and a singleton out of it apparently and as this was back in the mid 90's there are 3 young adults out there that share my genes.
I did it as I saw how terrible infertility was for people I cared about so I did something to help others. I've been a blood donor all my adult life and have also donated plasma. Once I'm dead anything that's any use to others is also up for grabs 😊

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 22/10/2022 23:43

My DC was born as a result of egg donation, prior to the law change in 2005. So they do not have the right to know their biological parent. My child knows all the information that we were given. We talk quite a bit about the donation and we do joke quite a lot about national characteristics.

Our arrangement at that time was an egg share arrangement which meant that 2 couples experiencing infertility would both get the chance to at least try for a family. That was for me one of the deciding factors for proceeding with infertilty treatment in the Uk. I was offered the chance to fly to Cyprus or Spain to buy donor eggs. I declined (and with a lot of anger) - but of course that is now normal, post the 2005 legislation change. Fly here, buy a human egg, why not?

I so hope that my donating family also had luck. We could only help them so far on their journey, but fingers crossed.

destiEos · 22/10/2022 23:47

@Neighneigh @forlornlorna1 @Haveawordwithyourusband @RNBrie @ComtesseDeSpair @MissPinkCakeyBun thank you. It's a very kind thing you have all done 💕

Cuppasoupmonster · 22/10/2022 23:48

No. I wouldn’t hand a baby to a stranger so I wouldn’t hand them my genetic material to make one either. I have no idea what kind of parents they would be, they could be neglectful.

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 22/10/2022 23:51

"Quite apart from the fact that your baby is not genetically related to half its parents."

FFS, judgemental much? Plenty of people raise children who they are not genetically related to, in all sorts of ways. That doesn't make them any less of a parent, nor the child any less theirs.

Cuppasoupmonster · 22/10/2022 23:54

I actually think donor egg/sperm is treated quite flippantly now. I was shocked to see a poster some time ago going down the donor egg route, she already had 2 children (own egg) with her DH but simply decided she wanted another baby when she was too old to conceive naturally. I thought adding this very complex layer to her family for the sake of scratching the baby itch was…. Well, not the best idea shall we say.

Cuppasoupmonster · 22/10/2022 23:57

Oh and I’m also fairly horrified when I see people using donor egg/sperm posting that ‘I’ve chosen X country as I’m more comfortable with the anonymous side of things’.

What about what the baby is comfortable with when they grow up? I imagine it won’t be their parents denying them knowledge of their genetic background.

Clymene · 23/10/2022 00:12

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 22/10/2022 23:51

"Quite apart from the fact that your baby is not genetically related to half its parents."

FFS, judgemental much? Plenty of people raise children who they are not genetically related to, in all sorts of ways. That doesn't make them any less of a parent, nor the child any less theirs.

I am judgemental, yes. No issue with acknowledging that. Children have the right to know their genetic origins. Most people who use egg donors use ones from outside the U.K. and their children have no way of knowing who their genetic mother is.

The law in the U.K. making anonymity a thing of the past was changed in 2005 for a reason - because donor conceived children found it very difficult not being able to find their genetic parents.

Having fertility issues doesn't mean you can overlook the uncomfortable impact on any children you have through fertility treatment. If you're unable to confront those difficult questions, you shouldn't do it.

aurynne · 23/10/2022 05:49

I never wanted to have my own children but I have donated eggs to a couple. In the country i'm from the process is open, and the family and I have always been in contact, I am like a special aunty to the two children who resulted from the donation. The egg donation itself was mildly uncomfortable, but i can say hand on heart that helping this family has been one of the most rewarding things i have ever done in my life.

Bitterbean · 23/10/2022 11:04

@falllakes did they not use any pain relief?? That is most unusual.

Some people have no choice but use donated eggs. It's a choice between that or no children. I made the choice to use donated eggs and it was the best decision of my life. My twins are happy and well adjusted and know they are from an egg donor.