Can your 6yo focus on eating a meal

[BergamotMouse]

I'm losing the will to live at meal times.

DD is 6. She's great. But she does not stop and she can't focus on eating. So she's sat with us but is so distracted she takes AGES to eat and ends up not eating much at all.

No toys at the table but she will chat nonsense, clap and wriggle and before you know it we've all finished and she's not even had a bite!

Is it normal?

Bump for the Sunday morning crowd.

DS loves food and always ate with gusto, does she struggle to concentrate in all areas or is it only dinner time plus as she doesn’t eat much do you give her food at other times? I’m personally very anti snacking and always have been as was the way I was raised so DS was rarely given snacks.

Our daughter is similar. She has always been an incredibly slow eater. Even as a tiny premmie in nicu she would take 40 minutes to take 10mls of milk. She seems incapable of eating more quickly, even though at school it means missing out on playtime with friends.

Is this just an issue with mealtimes, or is she wriggly and distracted at other times? My 8 year is like this and was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year.

Yes. It's so frustrating.

I call her wriggle pants because she just can't sit still at the table.

Constantly needing prompts to eat and then will wolf a load down and then go back to dining chair acrobatics until the next reminder to eat.

Sometimes she wriggles so much she falls off the chair.

This is common. Unless you think there is a diagnosis required, just feed her ery small portions at table and give very nutritious snacks between meals.

What matters is health, growth, nutrition at this age.

They grow out of it unless either they can't or you make it a big deal.

Mine cant. Will be 6 in January. Actually gets up from table to go to loo/ get her dolly/ show us a bug she saw 3 days ago in the garden. Even if we pressure her to sit at table, like your daughter she will sing songs, tell us an elaborate story about another time she ate spaghetti etc. I used to reheat her dinner when it got cold, now i dont. Shes on low end of normal weight and healthy so im just not worrying about it for now. She eats while we eat then we all finish, clear up and if shes hungry before bed ill give her toast, porridge or fruit.

My DD is exactly like this, has been known to fall off her chair because she's wiggling so much. Won't stop talking long enough to eat. But strangely loves her food.
There just seams to be so much going on in her brain all at the same time.
She's the same in all aspects of life.
At school the teachers say she's very bright but they struggle to get her to sit still long enough to complete any work.
The senco at her school are going to do some assessments next term to try and see if there is an underlying cause.

In the meantime her 3 year old brother is picking up on the bad habits at meal times. Me and DH feel like we've climbed a mountain every tea time but she does usually manage to eat a reasonable bit.

Would she be more settled at a child size table and chair as some children find it difficult to be still on adult chairs. I know we like family meals but if her feet are not touching the floor she may be struggling. Has her teacher said anything about wriggling in her class?

Thanks for the replies. I wanted to get an idea of one simple area of our life to see if it was normal, seems like generally kids can struggle to sit still. We did find out from her last year that her friends were told they can't sit with her all lunch because they weren't getting playtime

I do worry about other areas. She is genuinely very pleasant and sweet natured and because of that people would be shocked at even the suggestion of seeking adhd diagnosis. Other people don't see it.

I have asked school a few times and she's described as very calm, always makes the right choices. She lets it out at home and is very intense. A mixture of hyper focus and intense dithering.

Other things that worry me:
Misses most instructions at swimming and relies on watching other to see what she's meant to do. This is the only class I see her in. She does gymnastics very well and is in a high up class. I think she can focus intensely during this.
Makes a lot of random noises, I think it's her seeking sensory input E.g. hummahummahumma on repeat. If required to be still for something like teeth she alternates between random rhythmless clapping and stamping. I think this is another reason she struggles with mealtimes. She does have a Tripp trapp chair for the table so the correct height and a foot rest.

No good at tidying or getting dressed herself as drifts (no surprises there for a 6 year old)

Long term issues with constipation, on movicol long term. Still wets the bed which I think might be linked.

I'm torn between all these things being age appropriate which I think individually they are or there being something else going on. I don't think I'd get anywhere with a diagnosis, if she say anyone she would sit still like a stone and be extremely polite and be very shy with one word answers to any questions.

Hi OP, I think you should seek an assessment. She’s a lot like my DS, although the school and swimming are in reverse, he listens at swimming and they dismiss me every time I ask about ADHD but at school he doesn’t sit and listen to the teacher, either talks/makes noise or gets up.

He has long term constipation and has been on movicol and more since he was 2.5, no bed wetting here though.

He’s like this at meal times, he gets up all the time and we’ve only just clicked and given it’s a problem at school we are trying to be strict with him at least asking to leave the table. He does eat quite well though so if he’s starving and it’s a meal he likes he’ll sit scruffily but hoover the food, then get up!

The assessments are designed to spot issues, so don’t worry about your DD being too shy/calm polite etc. My DS is great when he is stimulated so if I take him to the park, soft play, or a friends house where there’s plenty of toys, he’s brilliant. No one would believe he had any thing diagnosable.

I replied before about my 6 year old but your update reminds me of my 4 year old who is (formally diagnosed) Autistic.
The "lets it out at home" is typical of Autustic masking. The random noises may be Autistic stims or could be her tool to maintain stillness. Constipation/gut issues unfortunately common for Autistic people. Hyperfocus on interests is also a common Autistic skill. The not following instructions can be sensory related too, theres a pyramid (google it) re sensory integration and if you dont get the first level right those higher level skills are harder.
Girls are notoriously under identified as Autistic because (as with so many other things) the criteria were developed around boys.
If I were in your shoes id seek an Occupational Therapist trained in Sensory Integration for an assessment. They can advise re sensory concerns you have but will also have eyes on her and be then more able to guide you if Autism/ADHD/other diagnosis is really a consideration. Rather than me supposing something over the internet ...
FWIW my 4 year old is flying, doing well at school etc, just needs a bit of extra help with sensory things. And pribiotics help his gut issues. Being Autistic/ADHD isnt at all a bad thing (in my mind) if you have the supports you need in your environment.

@BergamotMouse
Your update makes your DD sound just like my DD especially the "mixture of hyper focus and intense dithering" that sums her up perfectly.

I find it strange how so many children with similar traits are also on long term movicol.

My DD has been helped at school by the teachers lending her ear defenders. This helps her concentrate a little better at school and I wonder if they would help her at home in some instances such as meal times.