My kids sports team never wins

[Feelinglikeachange22]

I know this is a first world problem but am seeking advice.

Without going into any identifying details. My child plays for a league sports team. He also often gets picked for school tournaments.It's a largely informal affair but they have games with his team every weekend. My child has decent skills. Not outstanding but pretty good. However the team they currently train with is bottom of the local league. They rarely win games. I know this is all character building, it's the taking part that counts etc., and the teamwork is good. However they rarely win any games. I fear after a while my child is going to feel a failure. I'm not objective of course but my child is a better standard of player than many of the children (with obvious areas to work on of course). Should we stick with the team and be grateful or trying and finding a higher ranking team so at least my child can get a taste of success every now and again?
First world problem I know.

I was in every sports team at school. We hardly ever won. We enjoyed playing, we learnt to accept defeat graciously, it was fun

Losing every week is really demoralising, very few kids find this fun, and he won't be improving his skills or developing his gameplay.
It's absolutely fine to move teams if that's a feasible option and plenty of people do that.
For me, the choice would depend on what your kid wants to get out of playing sport. If he's happy being with his friends and participating in matches then leave him be. If he loves the sport and would like to play for a more competitive team then see if you can move him.

Yes good point. I just feel he plays his heart out every time but never gets any glory.

Apparently the best thing that kids can learn is to lose. So weirdly this is giving him an excellent education.

Lots of sports have leagues.

The better players play in the higher leagues. Just the way it is.

If his skill set is above the other children and needs a higher level to improve then ask around at other clubs for trials. They'll either agree and take him on and into their team or not. They may take him on but he won't make their team iyswim?

My son is a swimmer. He spent years in a smaller club learning the skills, learning how to race and racing.

He got good and needed a bigger club and more competitive environment to push him. Him and a few more moved from the towns club to a city club nearby. They are all now British/national level.

Others were happy with the smaller club and stayed and others wouldn't have made the higher squads in city clubs and so the move wouldn't have made any difference to them personally.

You have to do what's right for your son.

If he's happy being with his friends and participating in matches then leave him be. If he loves the sport and would like to play for a more competitive team then see if you can move him.

That's the thing. They're a great bunch of kids and will all be going to the same secondary so it's great from a social point of view. But this sport is his passion too and he is starting to get frustrated by giving everything to a game every weekend and still not getting a win. Guess I would really love to see this team succeed. But I don't think it's going to happen.

How does your child feel about it? Do they enjoy the team and look forward to playing? And do they want to go any further in the sport or are they happy with the current levrl.
One of my DSs played for a very small,rather unsuccessful,but absolutely lovely club when he started his sport. They hardly ever won but the coaching was good, the on and off pitch behaviour was exemplary, and most of all it was fun. So he stuck with them, even when he was selected for the county. He actually said he thought it benefitted him because as well as learning resilience his technical skills came on very fast as he didn't have a lot of strong players around him. But mostly he just liked playing alongside his mates.
However, he was then nominated for trials for the regional squad but narrowly missed selection and the regional coach very gently suggested a change of club might benefit him, and DS accepted that he needed a bit more of a challenge. So we did move to a bigger and more "professional" club, where without doubt he has improved. There does come a time when kids who want to take things a bit more seriously can "outgrow" a small club.
I coach a sport at grassroots level and from time to time I see kids who are clearly too good for us, in which case I encourage them to look at getting experience elsewhere and ultimately changing to a bigger club, if that's what they want of course. So maybe talk to the coaches? But mainly, I'd be guided by your DC's feelings.

@MrsAvocet that's really helpful thank you!

Do what's right for your son and your family.

Like the PP my DD was a swimmer, she didn't want to continue to a higher level and go to the early morning training sessions etc so we stayed at the town swimming Club doing 5 x evening swims a week knowing she would never be the best in her age group. Eventually she decided that wasn't the sport for her and has moved onto Rugby. Which has training twice a week or 1 training session and a match day. She prefers the more recreational side instead of being uber competitive.

The better teams are likely to push the players harder / have more training sessions and need a higher level of commitment from you to get him to training - the boys don't get better than other teams magically so you need to decide if that's something you, as a family, can commit to.

So you want to remove the best player from the bottom of the league team. How do you think the kids in his team will feel? What a lovey example of team work and camaraderie

Far more to learn from losing than winning. Learning resilience is vital in sport and very difficult to kearn unless you play for a team that regularly loses.

My DD played 3 years for girls football teams that lost everything. Dhe now plays for the local premiership team and, at 18, plans a career in sport.

DS13 played for a high level team that won everything since he was 8yo. They've just moved to full sized pitches and 11 a side. They are really struggling and in struggling, they are falling apart. Because they have never truly learnt the meaning of resilience, determination in the face of defeat and bounce-back-ability. So they go down by one goal and all get deflated. Go down by 2 goals and they give up. Which in turn means long-established players are leaving, weakening the team even further.

Valuable lessons to be learnt for DS13.

So you want to remove the best player from the bottom of the league team. How do you think the kids in his team will feel? What a lovey example of team work and camaraderie

🙄

It's good for children to learn to lose sometimes but eventually, if they actually are one of the better players, they're going to start getting resentful of the fact they're putting in their all and getting let down by their teammates.

Would you stay at your workplace if you were constantly having to work 5 times harder than everyone else because you wanted the team to perform well and nobody else was all that interested? Would you think you needed to stay because it's best for the team then?

Thanks @Eupraxia
Excellent points @girlmom21

The other thing that might be worth exploring @Feelinglikeachange22 is whether it has to be all or nothing. It varies from sport to sport, but in some you can play for more than one team.
In both the sport I coach, and the one DS plays that isn't an option - you can only compete for the team with which you are registered with the national governing body - but I know that's not the case in every sport. I have a friend who competes for quite a big team in his sport, but he can also represent the local club where he started as a loan player provided his main club isn't involved in the competition and both clubs agree. It might be worth looking at the rules in your DC's sport to see what the rules allow.
Or even if he can't compete for more than one team, can he attend training with a bigger club, even on a trial basis? Training with stronger players and a different coach might help him decide how he feels about things. If you're basically happy with a team, and they're your friends, it's natural to feel loyalty and to not want to leave, but sometimes it is what is best for the individual. Making the transition gradually may help, if that's possible.

For your child to progress and become a better player could do to be playing against/with children who are slightly better then him to give him the challenge, that's how they improve. Obviously is happiness is main priority in this so have a chat with him and see how he feels about possibly changing teams and enquire in maybe the league or a couple of league above?

If you’re son was suitable to play in a higher league a coach would have suggested it by now

Not necessarily. Not all coaches are thinking about this or accurate in their assessments. Sometimes they just don't like the child enough to see them clearly.

If this was football each player should be working on a personal objective every match. If they aren't getting that then I'd move him on - if he wants to go.

This. Never winning is demoralising and rubbish.

Well how does your son feel about it, @Feelinglikeachange22 ? That's what it boils down to. If he enjoys playing on the team and doesn't care then leave him be. Moving him in that situation would be you giving him the message that winning matters, and he shoudn't play for a team that don't win, even if he enjoys it.

If he is getting frustrated by it though, there's no reason not to see if there's another team he could try.

Be led by him and what he wants.

I could have written this a few years ago. My sons team lost every match, but they had amazing coaches who were excellent at encouraging them, they trained regularly identifying where they were weaker etc. Not once did any kids lose heart or get upset they just kept trying. They are now in the middle league having moved up a few times, they didn't lose a match last season and are in a cup final in a few weeks. The team all have the best bond and are amazing friends. I know some who play in the higher leagues and they don't have the same, a lot of players move around to try and find the best team for them to get spotted. Some of the best teams have lost players to academy's and now struggle. Some of these would only accept the best players so lost a few and are moving down.
I always tell my son its about loyalty and enjoying the game and making friends. He's 10 so it's not about winning or losing. This is echoed by the FA who do not allow scores to be published at this age.
If he's happy, stick with it, sometimes you just have to work through the tough times but it's worth it.

Depends on what he wants! If he wants to improve as much as possible, then moving to a team where training sessions will challenge him is probably the right thing: sometimes being the worst player on a good team will do mire for resilience than vice-versa!