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Inspired by another thread, feedback on my book please

38 replies

AspiringAuthor101 · 22/10/2022 12:35

I’d appreciate some feedback - my book is my invented dramatisation of the lives and deaths of people buried in my village graveyard.

I’ve researched their deaths, and were possible lives, with added social history interwoven as the story develops across centuries.

This graveyard has millionaires and penniless homeless, political legends and, as my open chapter’s main character shows, a 14-year-old who dies in an industrial accident. In my book the dead gather in the cemetery to share their life stories, and in chapter one Maggie “chats” to the millionaire in the grave opposite her, a man who changed world history in the Industrial Revolution and created much of our present.

I suspect, if popular at all, it will be with a hyper local audience, but it has been fascinating for me to do the research.

OPENING CHAPTER

She sits on the warm mossy grass just inside his grave, her back resting against the stone wall topped with iron railings.
The generous plot is 12 feet square, so there’s ample room to stretch her thin, gangly legs out in front of her while she makes looping daisy chains, the long tendrils snaking out over her cream linen shroud.
“You do know you killed me, don’t you?” she asks conversationally. For a while he says nothing, just letting the breeze fill the space between them.
Then gently, with mild exasperation only touching the edges of his patience, he answers: “We’ve been through this before Maggie. You know I didn’t, couldn’t have, as, my dear young lady, I was dead nearly 100 years before you were born.”
Maggie McIntosh, forever 14, sighs theatrically.

OP posts:
Keyansier · 22/10/2022 12:42

Intriguing. I like it.

AnApparitionQuipped · 22/10/2022 12:45

What are 'looping daisy chains'? How are they different from normal daisy chains?

AspiringAuthor101 · 22/10/2022 12:46

Keyansier · 22/10/2022 12:42

Intriguing. I like it.

Thank you. Some of the other characters to come along include a foreign drowned sailor who was buried by the parish, but who fears they got the wrong body (with good reason), the millionaire, a war hero, a Roman soldier and many, many more.

I’ve deliberately chosen graves where the deceased died at least 100 years ago, to avoid my narrative hurting anyone still alive who knew them.

OP posts:
AspiringAuthor101 · 22/10/2022 12:47

AnApparitionQuipped · 22/10/2022 12:45

What are 'looping daisy chains'? How are they different from normal daisy chains?

Hah! Am I guilt of being too flowery?

OP posts:
AspiringAuthor101 · 22/10/2022 12:47

*guilty

OP posts:
EmmaH2022 · 22/10/2022 12:48

OP I am ill and bored. Do you mind if I edit this? Just to see if you like it with a different approach.

CourtneeLuv · 22/10/2022 12:49

I'd read it! In fact, I need to know more already!

OppsUpsSide · 22/10/2022 12:49

Based on your post, I would like to read your book

User57713 · 22/10/2022 12:51

I would read it, it sounds like a great premise for a book. It reminds me of The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman.

EmmaH2022 · 22/10/2022 12:51

Oh I can't edit on here

love the premise though.

AspiringAuthor101 · 22/10/2022 12:52

EmmaH2022 · 22/10/2022 12:48

OP I am ill and bored. Do you mind if I edit this? Just to see if you like it with a different approach.

That would be very welcome, go for it

OP posts:
AspiringAuthor101 · 22/10/2022 12:53

CourtneeLuv · 22/10/2022 12:49

I'd read it! In fact, I need to know more already!

One sale already!

OP posts:
AspiringAuthor101 · 22/10/2022 12:53

OppsUpsSide · 22/10/2022 12:49

Based on your post, I would like to read your book

Thank you

OP posts:
AspiringAuthor101 · 22/10/2022 12:54

User57713 · 22/10/2022 12:51

I would read it, it sounds like a great premise for a book. It reminds me of The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman.

Really? No such thing as an entirely new idea, is there?

OP posts:
drawstringbags · 22/10/2022 12:56

I like the idea👍🏼

OldReliable · 22/10/2022 12:59

I think the idea is intriguing.

user1471561661 · 22/10/2022 13:01

Great idea for a book

user1471561661 · 22/10/2022 13:02

You need to write it quick now you've got it out there before someone pinches the idea!

AspiringAuthor101 · 22/10/2022 13:02

user1471561661 · 22/10/2022 13:01

Great idea for a book

Thank you. It’s an idea that came out of my daily walks during lockdown, where I spent time actually reading the headstones and imagining, or investigating, their lives.

OP posts:
AspiringAuthor101 · 22/10/2022 13:03

user1471561661 · 22/10/2022 13:02

You need to write it quick now you've got it out there before someone pinches the idea!

Eeeeeek! I haven’t given away where my cemetery is! Maybe there’s no other quite as fascinating as this one! 😄

OP posts:
IDidntWearASmileToday · 22/10/2022 13:10

A wannabe writer, I like it!

IDidntWearASmileToday · 22/10/2022 13:11
  • I'M a wannabe writer...
AspiringAuthor101 · 22/10/2022 13:12

Thank you, I am feeling fairly buoyed by this feedback!

OP posts:
Raindropsandsunshine8 · 22/10/2022 13:14

I like it. Are you going to self publish?

IDidntWearASmileToday · 22/10/2022 13:17

@AspiringAuthor101 I'm currently writing about the afterlife too, albeit in a very different way to you! You've motivated me to crack open my laptop when I get home and carry on