Those of you who have applied for a Child Arrangement Order

[Cheekylittle88]

do you regret doing so?

I have a consultation with a lawyer next week and will be discussing it with her but wondered if anyone has done it and regretted it? It sounds like it would be helpful to me because my ex won’t agree a set date and time to look after our son each week, he thinks he should just be able to tell me on a Week by week basis. I’ve explained this is unfair and makes it impossible for me to plan my life but he still refuses. I thought an Order might help but I’m scared to put decisions about my son in the hands of a judge!

I've done it recently you have to go through mediation first unless domestic violence is involved.
I represented myself. I wanted a structure and to stop my ex controlling me through our child.
in a nutshell he's got more access than he expected basically alternate weekends 4 evenings after school per fortnight half of most school holidays and a week in the summer.
it took six months but so far he's tried not sticking to it changing the days this half term etc but I stood firm and compromised as close to the order as possible.
I don't regret it at all I wish I was a bit better prepared in court, term time calendars,paper pen because I can't remember specifics of some things and the final draft is taking forever to arrive!
I also recommend a parenting app for communication and only contact when absolutely necessary.
my daughters school provided a family liaison that might be worth a try too.
There are law firms that give free advice.
so be prepared you might not get what you want they were very pushy in court to get us to agree.
cafcass website is a worth looking at as they will be probably be involved.

Your current set up isn't working so you need to do something. I'd suggest mediation first. The mediator won't make any decision but will facilitate productive discussions. Once you've agreed they'll draw up an agreement which is signed by both of you and your lawyers. If you can't come to an agreement then look at getting a court order.

My DP had to go to mediation after his ex wanted to change their verbal arrangement against his will and tried to blackmail him into changing it by withholding his DD for 2 months. They now have a legal agreement in place which has been really helpful as when his ex tries to deviate from the arrangement or requests changes DP doesn't agree with she cant. It's lead to fewer arguments about who get kids on birthdays, xmas, holidays etc. What happens when there's a special occasion. It also prevents her withholding contact again.

It's better for the kids as well as they have more of a routine.