Sorry for long post! Just a bit of a vent really. I absolutely feel at rock bottom and my mental health isnt great.
Dont want to drip feed so basically js saying how i feel.
I feel so sad and lonely and feel like its impacting on me enjoying my children who are 1 and 3. I really struggle with being a parent and never feel i do a good enough job. My H works full time but has been doing extra shifts each week cs we have things to pay off. He also does voluntary call out work on his days off wheh he can. Sometimes he can be out for hours.
I have had some issues in my marriage which i have posted about previously. I recently opened up to a best friend of many years about them. She was the first person in IRL i have spoken to about it. She basically said she understood why I was upset and that i should talk again with H and try to resolve the issues and hopes we can work it out. We were brought up in the same religious group and i have become inactive in my adult life. She is concerned about this and said she worries about my children not growing up with a relationship with God as they are at the perfect age to start. She said she loves them as well. This really upset me and was not what i needed to hear altho she had good intentions.
I just feel so alone and i love my kids so much but struggle to enjoy them without the feelings of guilt and sadness. My 3 year old DD also frequently says she loves daddy more and doesnt like me anymore (i know its silly for me to get upset about it). Iv js started working 22.5 hours a week and tbh im js exhausted but awful as it sounds i often dont wana go back home and just sit in a toilet crying. I am on citalopram 20mg so dont know whether to increase but it makes me very tired already. Just needed to write this down really and wonder if anyone else has felt like this and what helped them.