Positive add / adhd stories?

[ilkleymoorbartat]

We think ds might have it and I'm going down a rabbit hole of worry (not helpful I know). The symptoms he displays are at the milder end, lack of concentration and focus at school and generally just a bit scattered. In fact, in other times he'd probably just be called a scatter brain.

Anyway, I was wondering if those who had similar older or grown up kids can share their positive stories. I feel sad life might be that much harder form him.

I worried that my son was so different to his peers planning uni and 6th form knowing that this route would never ever be possible for my scatter brain chaotic chap.

So we went with his flow.

Took great pains to examine all of the possibilities for him.

He was super lucky and landed an amazing apprenticeship.
Completely practical, busy, structured, supportive, organised and had him using his hands on skills.
Its been the making of him.
Now just completed his apprenticeship with no debt, no meltdowns, minimal wobbles and he now makes really good money at a job he enjoys.

Its not all doom & gloom.

Thank you @ColinRobinsonsfamiliar great to hear your son is doing so well. It sounds like you supported him brilliantly.

I think that's all I want to do. Support him as best I can.

He's still only 8 so the picture isn't totally clear yet and at the moment it's just the focus issue that's being flagged up.

My daughter is the same - lack of focus at school and talking when others are talking or when she is supposed to be quiet. It’s frustrating as she gets upset when she is told off/ put down on the behaviour chart for this.
However my sister was exactly the same - always in trouble at school for forgetting to bring in her gym kit/ swimming kit/ for talking. However my sister was extremely academically gifted - straight As, Oxbridge and has had a very successful career., and this is without any diagnosis, medication or accommodations that parents can provide (like helping the child plan etc), so it’s not all doom and gloom.
I know a number of very successful people with ADHD.

I have it and I'm in my 20s now. I do just fine I have some days where I struggle. But it's struggling with remembering things and the tiredness.
People with ADHD need a lot of sleep as our brains are constantly on the go.

When my daughter was first diagnosed with it, my husband was upset and I googled famous/successful people with the condition and showed him who popped up. Richard Branson has it, Justin Timberlake and so many other people I think Lewis Hamilton has it too? Lots of people achieve great things as long as they have the right tools to cope.

Thank you for sharing these stories!

Fo you have any tips for helping focus on school?

I'm not really going to do what you asked as I don't want to "encourage" you to focus on the wrong thing! (I mean that in a less patronising way than that sounds!!). Yes some people do very well despite their ADHD and it is important to know that with the right support and medication outcomes can be very good. Medication for ADHD is the most effective "mental health" medication.

However it's even more important to not "bury one's head in the sand" focussing on positives and people who've done well despite their ADHD; outcomes for people with ADHD who aren't diagnosed, supported and/or medicated can be extremely poor: lower educational attainment, unable to hold down a job or relationship, lower life expectancy due to greater risk of accidents, risk taking behaviour, risk of addiction, poor health choices (eg unable to develop good habits/routines such as regular teeth brushing, regular exercise. and maintaining health related appts, greater risk of substance abuse, poor food choices), engaging in criminal behaviour (1 in 4 U.K. prisoners are thought to have ADHD), risk of Co-morbid conditions such as anxiety and depression.

But it's not all doom and gloom, as I said above treatment for ADHD is usually very effective and you are getting in there early in recognising it, but it's vital to follow through with exploring a diagnosis and getting the support/treatment he needs if he does have ADHD.

My DS was diagnosed in secondary school, lots of support was put in place and since then had done really well (before his diagnosis and support he wasn't coping at all). He's found a job with an incredibly flexible organisation that suits his ADHD and he's thriving.

PS I wouldn't assume any ADHD is mild from what you've said. He may just be inattentive rather than hyperactive. The symptoms can be less obvious but not necessarily mild, may all be going on inside his head rather than outside. Inattentive ADHD also becomes more obvious the more organisation is required and demands are placed. So for example in primary, a lot of organisation is done for you and there are few competing demands. This changes at secondary school when you have multiple classrooms, multiple teachers, homework to manage etc etc etc, and of course in adulthood when you are managing both your home and work life and everything gets much more complicated.

PPS this is really worth a watch:

Best of luck.

How old is your DS? He sounds similar to my DS2 (although he also has diagnosed autism into the mix). He has just gone up to senior school & doing better than anybody could have expected.

Things that worked for him at primary school were: weighted blanket on his lap, screen around him for writing tasks (he requested this), not sitting near a window, brain breaks & movement breaks. One-to-one TA to break down tasks for him, get him started & keep him on track. He has an EHCP for this.

In senior school, things have changed a lot. He no longer has his own TA, but there is a class one in some lessons. They will sometimes write some of the task/notes if he is struggling to keep up. But mostly he isn't, to our amazement. The structure of having a particular subject, in a particular room, at a particular time suits him very well. He loves his timetable & always keeps a copy with him. We have a home-school notebook for any issues that arise on either side. A very proactive SENCO who is constantly in communication with us & asks that we contact her instantly with any problems. Plus his details have been circulated to all staff who have anything to do with him, including site staff & pastoral staff & they all look out for him & are flexible. He was doing homework but not handing it in. I emailed the SENCO & she immediately spoke to all his teachers & asked them to ask him directly for any homework. Simple but effective.

One massive thing is he also has medication & we can tell when he hasn't had it! And he takes Equazen Omega 3 supplements, which his paediatrician approved of.

I hope this gives you some hope!

Thanks @InattentiveADHD I totally take on board what you are saying and will be well aware of that. I want to help him as best I can.

I've watched that video, the thing that strikes me is when he talks about emotional regulation. I would say DS is one of the most emotionally regulated people I know. He doesn't tantrum, is able to talk about his emotions, keeps things in perspective etc.

Can kids just be unfocused without it being a diagnosable thing?

The brilliant thing is to get a diagnosis as a child. I know so many adults (40+years) who are now only getting diagnosed with ADHD and found it so hard to understand why they were the way they were as children/young adults. Diagnosis has offered much relief. My DS (10) is about to have an ADHD assessment off the back of a confirmed ASD diagnosis. Finds it very difficult to focus at school. And if he needs medication, I won't hesitate for a second. My DP is most likely ADHD too, he's not interested in a private assessment to tell him what he already knows. School was not a good experience for him, but he's become a very successful business owner. Very techy and geeky!

@ilkleymoorbartat my DS presents very calmly too, very emotionally regulated. Definitely not the stereotypical ADHD presentation of a child climbing the walls. Just will suddenly zone out and not complete work at school. Definitely bright enough to do all the work, just some days he's not really there. Quite forgetful too.

Emotional dysregulation is a core trait of ADHD but is not part of the diagnostic criteria.

This link might help:

adhdaware.org.uk/what-is-adhd/adhd-symptoms/

I have adhd and whlst it can be frustrating at times it's also a superpower. My brain is fast and driven and obsessively good at some things -finding what that "thing" is will be key for your child, but if he finds his interest , adhd can make him the best at it.

I have ADD, diagnosed as an adult. Looking back, I can see how things have been harder for me than for others but I have a masters degree and a good, professional career. Like many people with it, I may not be so great with the day to day but I'm awesome in a crisis.

You say your son has good emotional regulation and while I'm sure you're correct and don't want to dismiss your knowledge of him, people with adhd learn to mask and can work quite hard to do so, so it's worth giving some thought to masking behaviours. He may have learned how to manage his emotions, but it might take some effort and as he gets older there may be stress points or hormonal factors that make it harder.

Adhd seems to be inherited in the majority of cases btw so either you or your husband might have symptoms which you've learned to cope with until its second nature.

DS has adhd and is a bit of a space cadet. Zones out a lot, forgetful, disorganised. He's also a bit hyper, mostly just very fidgety and never still but not 'naughty' at all. Highly over emotional at times.

He was diagnosed in Y4 and started taking medication then. He's always been bright, but with medication he actually gets it down on paper! He's now y9 and he's doing really well at school academically. He's struggled a bit socially but that is also because he's very shy and very small for his age. Saying that though, things seem to be picking up at the moment and he seems much more positive.

He does need a lot more support than the average teenager and people who don't know he's got adhd probably assume I baby him a bit.

He is very loving, very funny and much less of a 'typical teenager' than his ten year old brother (who has started full on puberty strops).

I wrote a post earlier in the week, I also think my DS (almost 7) has ADHD (or maybe ASD). He can't stay seated and quiet when the teacher is talking to the whole class, he gets up, wanders about, talks etc.

My Dnephew has ADHD diagnosed when he started at uni, so he didn’t have any help at school and didn’t have meds. He is very successful academically, is in his final year of his medical degree and has decided not to take medication as he finds the ability to hyper-focus and be hugely productive on some days really useful. He is also a lovely kind and empathetic young man.