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Original poster

Whats going on with DS away at Uni?

19 replies

Leakygutter · 21/10/2022 08:38

I haven't heard from him for a few days. I don't usually hear much from him, but he does (eventually) reply to my messages and mostly answers when I call.

He hasn't replied for a few days so I called him last night. First it rang a couple of times and then went to answerphone, then it was going straight to answerphone. So I assumed the phone wasn't charged. He's not a young person who's completely attached to his phone so it is feasible.

This morning it's ringing 3/4 times then going to answerphone. Does that mean he's cutting me off?

I'm worried because he has fragile mental health following a bereavement and whilst he seems to be very much enjoying the course, he's doing nothing socially.

So, what's happening with his phone and what do I do next? If he's cutting me off, at least I know he's alive!

OP posts:
Roseau18 · 21/10/2022 08:48

Having been through this myself (with a DC with serious mental health problems and several suicide attempts) I would in order:

  • text him and say you are concerned and would like him to let you know he has received the text and that 1 word will do if he doesn't want to talk.
  • If he is in halls, contact them. There will be someone in charge who can do a welfare check (ie go and knock on his door and make sure he is still alive)
  • Contact the university well-being team and ask them to contact him
KangarooKenny · 21/10/2022 09:03

Perhaps you are contacting him too much, from his point of view. Could you both agree on how often it will be ?

MermaidEyes · 21/10/2022 09:07

Do you know any of his friends well enough to contact them, just to see if they have at least heard from him?

freyamay74 · 21/10/2022 09:12

Unis are much more prepared to be proactive now, following events over recent years. In the past they wouldn't have got involved because the students are adults, but it would be worth calling the well being team with your concerns. They may not be able to divulge much information but could check he's ok

It does sound like you need to establish a clear plan of how frequently you'll contact him though, or whether he'd prefer to contact you. It may be simply he's spreading his wings, busy with his life and doesn't want so many calls.

perseverence · 21/10/2022 09:24

I think there are some good suggestions here e.g. welfare team.

It is really hard for a parent to be experiencing this. Sometimes I think they have no idea how much we worry when we don't hear from them.

Agreeing on how often is also a good suggestion, I feel.

Roseau18 · 21/10/2022 10:44

When I was very worried about the suicide risk I used to ask my DC to just text "Hi" when they woke up so I knew they were still alive.
The times I didn't get a text were when I got a phone call later in the day from a hospital to say they had been admitted.
I don't think anyone who hasn't had a suicidal child can fully understand how it feels not to be able to contact them.

ICanHideButICantRun · 21/10/2022 11:01

That must be incredibly worrying for you. Do you know when he has his lectures? Can you see when he was last online, with WhatsApp?

Janey3090 · 21/10/2022 11:26

Have you texted him, maybe use whatsapp as you can then see if he's reading your messages?

Definitely agree with previous suggestions that if you are concerned to contact the University, I'm sure they can arrange for someone to check in on him.

ThisIsHardcore · 21/10/2022 11:29

My DC at university tend to surface when they want something. But if your son might be vulnerable due to the bereavement, I'd definitely do as @Roseau18 says, in that order.

whiteroseredrose · 21/10/2022 11:32

I'd suggest WhatsApp too. Neither DC reply to texts as phone coverage isn't great apparently. But they do respond to WhatsApp which uses WiFi

Original poster
Leakygutter · 21/10/2022 11:42

He hasn't looked at WhatsApp since Weds.

He hasn't made friends. He's only been there a few weeks and he doesn't seem to have got involved with anyone. Which is his comfort zone. He's always been happiest in his own company, even before the bereavement.

I know he has lectures today. If I don't hear from him by mid afternoon I'll start making calls.

OP posts:
OneFrenchEgg · 21/10/2022 14:19

Also there but with a school aged teen. I would send a message via all channels (WhatsApp, text, messenger) to say I know you're probably asleep or eating but can you let me know you are ok, otherwise I will contact uni to check. We can work out when you'll text me etc then.

Magissa · 21/10/2022 20:02

Hope you have heard from him. Thinking of you. Hope all is well.

Newuser82 · 21/10/2022 20:04

Really hope all is ok. You must be beside yourself

curvymumma79 · 21/10/2022 20:05

Is he on Snapchat? Could you at least pinpoint his location?

Hope you hear from him soon x

Original poster
Leakygutter · 21/10/2022 20:12

Thank you. He finally answered a called this afternoon, apparently completely oblivious that anyone had been trying to contact him.

The story is that his phone wasn't charged and then he was sleeping.

Anyway he was quite chatty for him and pleased with the feedback he's had on a couple of assignments. He also returned a call he'd missed from his Grandad this afternoon.

OP posts:
Magissa · 21/10/2022 21:45

Good news. You can relax now!

PAFMO · 21/10/2022 21:51

What a relief Brew

ICanHideButICantRun · 23/10/2022 17:16

That is fantastic news!

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