How to get a 3/4 year old to listen

[Andjustlikethatihadnoclue]

We are going through a really bad phase where my almost 4 year old is shouting, battling with me all the time. Arguing black is white, telling me I'm wrong etc etc etc. it's relentless and all day everyday. I'm at my whits end.
I've tried telling him calmly but he just shouts over me and keeps repeating himself.

I've tried ignoring but there's still the shouting.
I've tried telling him to use his little voice but he ignores me.
I've tried putting him on the thinking step but he screams constantly whilst he's on there until I get him.

Help please!!!

Anyone?!

Is there anything unsettling going on for him that's triggered this? What sort of thing is he getting upset/arguing about?

Someone on here recommended the book 'how to talk so little kids will listen'. It's not entirely my cup of tea but it did teach me some useful stuff during a phase where I felt I wasn't managing to parent effectively.

No advice but sympathy. My almost 4 year old is much the same. Argumentative over the slightest thing, wants to be the focus of attention all the time. Shouts over us if we try to disagree with him. I'm hoping it's a phase and over soon
Also apparently angelic and co operative at childminder/pre school which I know is typical but hardly helps us

I'm on the same boat. It's constantly a competition to do the opposite or say the opposite. For instance I will say we are going out, go wear your socks and he will shout "no I'm wearing shoes first". Shouting all the time, constantly wanting to attention. I have the book about 'how to talk to kids so they listen' and I need to start reading it because it is mentally exhausting.

I'm really firm with my son sometimes. It sounds like you haven't tried the "I am the parent and you're the child and that's that" approach. Sometimes you can't reason with a 4yo! I try the gentler approaches first but at some point I just have to put my foot down and tell him that's how it is or else an immediate proportionate consequence. He's ok for the most part although sometimes gets defiant and pushes boundaries again. I think that's all it is.

@doittwice Oh god we are the same!!! The arguments are bonkers and usually absolutely ridiculous. I'm drained

@beonmywaythen I have tried the harder approach, I try softly softly first but then put my foot down which normally escalates things and makes things even worse.

My 3 year old is actively Ignoring me at the moment. I’ve found counting tends to focus her mind and 9/10 she will then do what I’ve asked.

Sometimes you have to decide whether being right is worth it. I realised the other day I’d got into a debate about whether a toy was a dolphin or a shark (clearly a shark) and it didn’t matter. A breezy ‘ok if that’s what you think that’s fine but let’s get on with your hair now’ gives them a bit of a win. I’m sure mine doesn’t believe half the things she argues about but does it to wind me up.

For instance I will say we are going out, go wear your socks and he will shout "no I'm wearing shoes first".

I've seen more than my fair share of parents dealing with this stage, and it is a stage for DC finding and negotiating their own autonomy.

It seems as if offering a choice gets a different part of the brain engaged. Even something as simple as 'are you going to start with your left foot our your right foot, to put on your socks'. Red socks or blue socks.

It may be something else as well but this difference is what I notice. It can sometimes take a long time as they decide which. Parents who secure cooperation tend to just ride with allowing that time rather than overriding it.

How they get out in time I have no idea.

Absolutely agree with PP about not being drawn into an argument about anything unless essential to personal safety.

My mother's favourite phrase was 'this phase will pass'. To give her credit I never made the connection that it was my behaviour she was looking forward to changing.

Good luck - this phase will pass.

Yes mine throws a fit too, but I found leaving him to calm himself a bit and then saying "would you like a hug?" Works for us. He calms down and then we make a plan together. But I do have to listen to a lot of being angry first!

I have been known to agree or offer stupid things.
So "yes, dear, the sky is green" - so long as you know they know the right answer.
"Right, trousers on next, arms out" - or give them a teeshirt.
Basically, being as awkward as them!