Dad said exes abusive behaviour is ok because he hasn't hit me!

[queendaisy967]

Have spent the evening really upset, crying to my parents about my ex who is also the father of my child. He has been and still continues to be really emotionally abusive and manipulative. My dad's response to this was "well, it's not like he's hit you is it"? I have stormed out and just come home and cried even more. Not sure what the point of this post is, just feel like I need to talk to people who understand that emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse!

You don’t need your Dads ok to think something is abusive.

Didn't say I did.

My sister said this to me about my ex. I eventually just booked a taxi and left him, (taking our son).
Best. Decision. Ever.

Tbf hasn’t it been very recent that emotional abuse have become a crime? So maybe he is older I wouldn’t hold it against him

I'm not surprised you're upset - you needed your parents' support but your dad set the bar really low with that response.
You might want to ask MNHQ to move this thread to the Relationships board, it's a good place for finding people who properly understand emotional abuse and it's impact.

Your dad's response must have hurt a lot and it must feel like you can't escape your ex because you are connected through DC. How are you feeling today?

I'm not in the same boat but I know I cannot talk about how I feel about anything with my dad. The relationship is purely practical. I'm sure if I asked him for something eg money, something material or to make some food that he cooks he would do that for me eg he makes a lovely soup when we are ill. I don't ask for any of these things but I'm sure these are things he could and would do. I can't talk to him about things that are going on in my life. He said he doesn't know how to help so it's not something he's comfortable doing. He doesn't get that just having someone to listen would be nice.

How old is your dad? Is he stuck on old views that only hitting is abuse. Emotional abuse is equally as awful as physical. Do you have any other support in real life? Woman's aid are amazing m. Please give them a call

Disgusting. Luckily it hasn't happened to me but if my Dad had said that to me I would have put him right on that! He held some old fashioned views and I was always lecturing him on them!!!

Many men (and some women) don't view mental, emotional and financial abuse as abuse. Only sexual and physical are considered. Accept that and then try a discussion with your dad to find out why he thinks that. He might surprise you now he's got over the shock of you telling him.

What did your mum say?

Yes OP in your hour of need expect nothing from your father and meet him in the middle and try to understand his point of view because emotional abuse has only been recognised for the last 20 years or so.

Fucksake if your own parents can’t support you leaving an arsehole who can? I’m so sorry you’re going through this. 💐

In some ways, emotional abuse is worse, because people don't understand it. There's nothing to see. In my case, I was physically abused but it actually took an emotional type incident for me to leave.

My parents said they could understand why he hit me. It was one of the reasons we are now no contact. I guess you have to decide if you need them to understand and validate you, if you just don't mention it again and agree to differ, or if you need to reduce your contact with them if they can't see where you are coming from.

I didn't mean to minimise but I see that I did. However different generations do have different expectations and experiences. That cannot be denied.

Did your mother agree with your father, or stay silent? That also might give you a clue as to his reaction.

Either way, I'm sorry you feel the way you do. Can you talk to your GP and ask for a referral?