Job has broken me. Need a rant.

[Ablababla]

My job is really affecting my mental health. I don’t know what to do next.
Crude summary but I had a new boss who didn’t get most of what I did and didn’t really see it as important (it is but she’s only just realised after it was too late to do anything about it).
My role changed hugely, my lovely colleagues have left and I’ve been desperately searching for another job for about a year. There’s not much available in my line of work at the moment and a lot of people looking for jobs.
I’ve never struggled with getting a job before but this time I’ve rarely made it past the application stage and it’s been so demoralising. My husband, friends and work colleagues have all been really supportive and let me moan endlessly.

anyway I did get an interview somewhere I’ve always wanted to work. I’ve put hours into the application and several rounds assessments. It’s been going on for months
but all the interactions and feedback I’ve had with them have been so positive and I was feeling really happy that this horrible situation was coming to an end. In the meantime an old colleague had kindly found me something temporary to do in his team. Nothing like the scale of what I was doing before but my job had all but gone anyway.

Anyway I had the results of the final interview on Monday. They really liked me but there was another candidate with more experience etc.

I am so devastated. I actually feel a bit suicidal, which I know is ridiculous because it’s just a bloody job and people are going through much worse, but I just can’t focus on the work I’m supposed to be doing now and I can’t talk to anyone because everyone (especially DH) while supportive a year ago
is sick to the back teeth of this ongoing saga. I can’t see a way forward. I just needed to write this down to tell someone. I know I need to focus on the work I’ve been given to do and keep applying for permanent stuff but I just can’t do anything but sit here and cry. I can’t cause trouble for the person who did me a massive favour and found me a temporary role but I think I need to be signed off sick. I’m so pathetic but I can’t seem to turn this around.

Oh this is awful op. 💐 Have an unmumsnetty hug. Get to your GP asap to help with these thoughts and get signed off. It’s not silly. I was in an identical position a few years ago. My job was a really unique one (think artist) and a lot of my identity came from it. When I lost it I was broken. Take the time to mourn what has happened. Take time to find things that make you feel good. And maybe contact ACAS about possible constructive dismissal from your current role when you are feeling up to it.
If you think you’re going to take action on these thoughts, ring 999.
Hope you feel better soon.

Thank you ! I have three kids and a lot of other lovely thinks in my life so I’m am able to put this into perspective. But I loved my job, was passionate about doing it well, was well regarded and achieved some great things. Turns out none of that mattered. I know it’s sad but as you say my sense of self was very bound up in it and now it’s all gone to pot and I can’t seem to get a grip.

Job hunting really is a numbers game, frustratingly.

I've been on both sides of the process and often had more highly qualified candidates than interview slots, let alone open positions. I always hate having to reject people who would probably be able to do a fantastic job.

My own way of coping with this (as a candidate) is to interview for a range of roles, including for roles I like the look of but don't mind not getting. If you have a steady stream of interviews then the pressure to succeed is not as great, and there is always the next one to prepare for. It's also good practice for those roles I REALLY want.

It's shit, but do try and not take it as a personal rejection. Good luck for the next interview!

Remember to send the interviewer a positive response and to please get in touch should another position become available as you feel you feel passionate about the role advertises and their company values type thing.

Hugs

I second this comment. You never know, the first applicant might fall through.

It sounds like being signed off for a short time might provide some breathing room to to think about things and to have a break from the situation.

I know how you are feeling. I started a new job earlier in the year but I was getting demoralised not getting anywhere with interviews and I looked at loads of different options to move forward. It’s okay to have a cry at the jobs that get away. I’m sure your luck will change.

I’ll second this too, they’ve obviously invested a lot of time and money in the interview process and you’ve nearly made it. If anything else comes up you’d hopefully be at the front of the queue.

Good luck I do hope you find something soon.

Thank you all for your comments. I don’t really know why I started the thread but writing it down and your comments have made me feel better.

I'm so sorry - it's so demoralising. I was doing some self employed stuff for a while (,not enough ...) and decided I NEED a proper job ... CV polished to the best of my ability and added to all the recruitment sites. LinkedIn overhauled, daily LinkedIn activity and job applications a habit. Recruiter found my CV online as it had all the keywords they were searching for, called to discuss the vacancy - fast forwardr and I've been in the job two months. It's about quality and quantity - get your best stuff out there, treat jobseeking as a full time job, apply every day, forget about applications you've sent out and interviews you've done. Don't pin hopes on any of them. Always be looking forward. Then one day a result will tap you on the shoulder with the offer. It's bloody hard. Youre not alone

Also a organisation that takes months to grind through the recruitment process is an indecisive faffer - better off elsewhere.

Big hugs- I’ve been there. Recently. I was made redundant when company collapsed due to covid, and couldn’t find anything for over a year. Was freelancing and living off UC and it really is grindingly constant shit. It’s exhausting. And demolishes your self worth, even if you try not to let it.

Anyway. Back in July, I accepted a temp position covering someone’s leave. Extended leave, but just covering leave. Few weeks just to keep it ticking over.

They thought I was great. They were already thinking of hiring another person on the team, closer to my original job description. They made the role and moved me into it. I posted on MN at the time because the relief was so huge. I just thought I had a stopgap position. And it turned into a real actual job. But I remember the days where I couldn’t stop crying because of yet another rejection, the fear I was unemployable.

The point is, it’s cheesy, but you never know what might happen- and at the same time it’s possible to have hope for the future and be unhappy right now. Right now does suck. It’s the truth of it. It is rubbish. Allow yourself to be upset because it’s upsetting. But also allow yourself to look forward, because it’s not forever.

Thank all so much. It really helps to know that I’m not alone in experiencing this. It feels so shameful not to be able to get another job. I need to harden my heart and move on

Ah so I was reminded of this thread recently, because exactly the same thing has happened again. a job I really wanted. I put hours and hours into my latest application. I got someone to mock interview me, was pleased with my answers on the day. Again got good scores but lost out to someone who from the feedback seems to be an internal candidate. Why do I have to keep putting myself through this?

It’s been months and it’s not getting better. I’m not even sure why I’m posting this only that I sometimes you think it’s going to get better but it’s just not and now I don’t think it ever will. I can’t interview for anything else my self esteem is completely shot after a year of this.

it really sucks.

It does really suck. Unfortunately, it is also completely normal for niche roles. Months and months of rejections. Do you have a mentor who can give you advice? Sometimes you need to do a course to build key skills, or look at a slightly different role.