Should I raise it with school?

[Startthedaywithcoffee]

Ds went up into juniors in Sept.

He told us he'd been playing tennis at playtime and how he was really good at it and about new skills he'd learnt, I didn't think anything of it. Until he said a few days ago that he plays tennis on his own. Apparently sometimes another child will come and play with him but mostly he's on his own.

Last year he had a really close knit group of friends but he says that now he's in the big playground they are all playing a rough game tripping, pushing and shoving with the older year groups and he doesn't want to play.

He's very matter of fact about it and gets annoyed now if I ask now who he's played with.

Generally he seems very happy about school, he's just had a wonderful parents evening and we were told that he gets on brilliantly with his classmates, is happy, confident and so on.

I've told ds if he feels lonely or left out then he can tell one of the lunchtime teachers or talk to his teacher.

Not sure whether to mention it just yet or wait a few more weeks knowing how quickly these things can change.

What do you expect school to do, force someone to play with him ?
He’s done the very grown up thing of choosing not to do something he doesn’t want to do, and finding something he does like. Some people enjoy some alone time. Just make sure he keeps up with friends by asking them to yours to play.

I think if he’s happy just let it go. I remember my older lad had a friend who was very quiet and wanted to play chess at lunchtime but no one was interested. In the end my son was ‘encouraged’ to play it mon, wed and fri and another lad tues and thurs.This went on for several weeks until I was told and I put a stop to it, although I felt sorry for the lad it wasn’t my son’s problem. My son never really played with him again as the boy got upset my ds wouldn’t play chess. I’m sure if school didn’t get involved they would of stayed friends. They were 10/11. Amusing yourself is a brilliant life skill

I would ask about it. It puts any social issues onto the teacher's radar and they can create footholds for children to interact more. Teachers have a different perspective to the child and may give information that the child doesn't.

DS2 really struggled in y3 because his friends grew up without him in the lockdowns when they were allowed in school and he was left to socially atrophy at home for months and they grew apart. School did work on boosting his confidence and creating openings for doing things together.

DS1 has just gone to secondary alone and has ASD. It takes a long time for friendships to develop. I have an aquaintaince who teaches at the same school and it means a lot that she's said that she's noticed him chatting with people at lunchtime. He's never mentioned it. It doesn't mean that they're bussom buddies, but it does fill that social gap and create a foundation.

Well yeah I don't expect school to force anyone to play with him. But I'm sure that they can have ways to encourage friendships or just keep an eye out to make sure he's happy and not being deliberately left out.

I went through something similar with eldest and I mentioned it. The lovely TA observed him for a few days and it turned out that he actually was playing with children.

Sounds like the shoving game they’re playing might be an issue and something school should put a stop to though.

My son (a fellow tennis fan!) also will head down to the tennis court if his friends want to do something else. It’s quite good as you can hit the ball against the wall so you’re “doing” something rather than looking like Billy no mates, and then sometimes other people will join in and he has a hit around with them.
He also likes the library for this, something to do on his own but with others around. In fact he loves the library so much that he is currently a library monitor and it’s his favourite thing to do.
He has lots of friends but says that sometimes at break he just likes to recharge by himself instead of in a big group and I love that he feels comfortable doing his own thing.

He actually sounds like he’s handling it very well, unless it turns into deliberate exclusion or bullying I wouldn’t go to the school about it.

Just have a quick chat with the teaching assistant at pick up or drop off to just ask if they can keep an eye. You arent having a go at anyone but it is something that they should be happy just to check on

Might be once the bad weather is here the kids will change games as teachers will be aware of kids covered in wet mud. No harm in speaking to them if your worried. Even if he’s happy your obviously not and normally mums know best