8 year old having nightmares about what he is learning in school

[rumbypumby]

How do I help him cope with this?

9 in a few weeks. He is generally an anxious child. He's very curious and always asks the "what if" questions. We answer in an age appropriate manner.

In school they are learning about natural disasters, like tornadoes and earthquakes etc. it's on his mind constantly and he has a real fear that something bad is going to happen. He has made lego creations of natural disasters, draws pictures, looks at the clouds and panics its a tornado. He is scared stiff about it. He's been waking in the night as well saying he has nightmares about something like this happening.

Same thing happened last year when they learned about ww2 and discussed nuclear bombs. He was constantly looking in the sky for "mushroom" clouds. Awful nightmares. Worried sick. Physically being sick with anxiety.

How can I help him? Can i ask the school to keep him out of these lessons? Does he need other support ?

Hes otherwise normal healthy fun loving kid. Clever, curious, interested. No concerns otherwise.

Advice appreciated.

Very difficult to withdraw him. These topics are often cross curricular in primary. Plus the school wouldn't necessarily have somewhere else he can go and who would sort alternative learning?

I'm sorry he's so anxious. But there's going to be a lot he's exposed to over his life like this (news, literature, secondary school, social media) so you need to help him deal with his anxiety about it.

I'm sure you're already speaking to him to reassure him these events are not very likely. Is there counselling he can do? It may help him to discuss with someone qualified who can help him see that the probabilities of these things are low, and help him deal with how he feels.

My son is prone to anxiety which doesn’t surprise me as I have OCD. When he learned about volcanoes we had to do a lot of reassurance that we don’t live near any etc. When we went to the beach he was v anxious about jellyfish. He’s now seeing an educational psychologist who is working through some of this stuff with him. If you can afford or arrange for your son to see one it might be very beneficial.

I speak fr9m bitter experience that it is much better to address these things as early as possible because they will not go away by themselves.

He needs other support. You can't keep him out of lessons he will be behind and he needs to be able to use strategies to cope. Take him to a child psychologist

A child psychologist is a bit over the top. Just keep reassuring him how rare these natural disasters are especially in the UK (if you are).

Maybe have a look at the numbers. The UK sees about 30 tornadoes a year but they are small and don't last long.

Have a look for your area on the Met Office web site and see how many tornadoes he has already experienced without knowing about it.

I'd suspect there is some playground talk and playing being in a tornado.

Maybe maybe a tornado at home with a couple of plastic bottles and a connector.

www.amazon.co.uk/Vortex-Bottle-Connector-Tornado-Cyclone/dp/B08D9M7F4G/ref=sr_1_3?crid=WH2YHU9B9CLD&keywords=tornado+maker&qid=1666233107&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIzLjc4IiwicXNhIjoiMi42OCIsInFzcCI6IjIuMzgifQ%3D%3D&s=kids&sprefix=tornado%2Ctoys%2C117&sr=1-3

I can sympathise OP. My son is a coupon years older and is a very anxious boy. We had to remove the Amazon Alexa as he was finding the local flood warnings very distressing when they showed up on screen. He would panic when he'd hear the news about the heat waves in the summer. He's got travel anxiety now as well which takes his appetite away despite not travelling yet for weeks.

I don't know how to help it but it's been going on a couple years and it's not getting any better no matter how much we talk to him and reassure him. We have taken him to a psychologist before and while it did seem to help initially the effects wore off after a few weeks 😕

A couple 🤦‍♀️

Speak to the school. Mine were a bit worried about these things but it helped when I explained that these natural disasters don’t happen in the U.K. get a world map out and show him where the U.K. is and where these things happen.

This is exactly me as a child. I had nightmares and real, daily anxiety about really irrational things that I’d learned in school like WW2 air raid sirens (I’d be terrified that I’d hear one because bombers were coming after learning about WW2!) and tsunamis, and meteorites, and all sorts. I was really smart as a kid and I think this played a part - I over analysed and thought too much about everything. I also went onto have an anxiety disorder in my teens/early twenties which now seems to come and go. I’d suggest he’s a smart kid with some anxiety issues, based on my own experience (I’m also a teacher and this theory seems to be backed up by my own students too.)

I was a bit like this tbh. I even remember becoming convinced that our house and street would burn down when I learnt about the great fire of london. I seem to be largely over it now that I'm an adult but I did have quite a severe period of anxiety where I was unable to even function when I realised that climate change definitely is real and is going to be bad.

As a child, I was reassured by the fact that these 'bad' things don't really happen to us. You could focus on all the people who do live in those areas and how they manage to do it. All the warning systems in place, how the communities help each other, that sort of thing. Show some of the positives of people working together. My parents mostly reassured me that it wouldn't happen, which did calm me, but then didn't really give me any tools to cope in situations which could happen. I was only happy if I knew that I was entirely safe from these disasters, and no human can ever really guarantee that they are entirely safe from bad things, as recent events have shown us. I think that's what shocked me so much about climate change. Bad stuff always happened in other parts of the world but this will be global. So I'd maybe read some books on dealing with anxiety and find strategies to help him out because you can't guarantee that everything will always be ok and it will be hard for him to cope.

Both my dc

I was exactly like this at the same age so was prepped for when my oldest had the same reaction. You need to explain tectonic plates, so he can see why an earthquake is unlikely. When I learned about them, no one bothered to tell me that they were unlikely to happen in Germany (where I lived) so I used to pray every night that one wouldn’t happen…

I really appreciate everyone's advice and experiences.

I struggle with anxiety too and see so much of myself in him. I wanted to avoid lying and just saying that these things don't happen and he has nothing to worry about so I have had a conversation today about natural disasters specifically tornadoes and gave him some facts.

To the poster who said he is a smart kid but anxious - this is true 100%. He excels at everything academically and seeks out new information but can sometimes struggle to process it. His memory about things is incredible.

We've done what we can to help with sleep. A noise machine, a nightlight and a weighted blanket and still he just gets inside his own mind at night.
I've given him the idea about writing things down on a notebook by his bed to get the thoughts out of his mind and then he can sleep and we can speak about it in the morning.
He says he feels a lot better after having a chat about it but we will see what happens tonight.

Replace the knowledge. Yes there are natural disasters in the world but they mainly occur here and here. Bad flooding in UK — we get warnings, there’s help and support. We don’t live anywhere near a river, or mountains. That sort of thing—- replace with knowledge that takes the emotion out of it.

There are some very child friendly videos on YouTube by pink fong (sorry!) aimed at young children about what to do in an earthquake or other natural disasters. I think it’s because they’re Japanese and they have a lot more risks than we do.

I sympathise with the anxiety, my go-to is to explore what you’d do if you’re in that situation. For me anyway, it takes some of the fear away if you have an idea of a plan.

Might it help to watch a movie like twister with you?

It might help him to play out his fear, leading to the positive feel good kind of ending? Realise it could go either way.

I was the same as a child. Also very bright! I would lie awake worrying for hours, particularly about pandemics (how funny that it turns out I was right to worry...!)

I'm still a worrier but it did get better as I entered adolescence. It sounds like you're doing everything right, and previous posters have given good advice about giving the facts etc. My parents didn't give me any tools to work with, so I think you're being wonderfully supportive.

There's also a good workbook available - what to do when you worry too much - which I saw recommended on another thread recently and it reminded me that we had a copy at home. We haven't filled it out but it does look helpful.

My 9 year old is also very anxious (like me). As you describe he is academically very bright and seeks out information that only serves to make him more anxious.

I have two strategies.

First as others have described I don't shy away from what he is afraid of, I face it straight on and teach him about the likelyhood of things happening etc. We did this a lot during the pandemic, really examining the science behind things in a child friendly way to make it less scary. Another more extreme example of this was when he was 7 his older cousin showed him some images from Stranger Things (yes I know and I dealt with it). He, understandably, was terrified so I found a video on youtube about how they designed and created the monsters and this really helped him undetstand how they weren't real.

My second strategy is teaching him how to distract his mind from bad thoughts. When he is having a tough time we spend a lot of time doing things like colouring or boardgames, things to relax the mind and make him more present in the moment. I also increase his exercise to make him sleep better and let him play Minecraft a bit more than usual to help him focus on something else.

It is very tough OP and you have my sympathy.

I have one like this!
If you too have anxiety you have a head start on understanding him. Your DS is an anxious child.
Help him understand better about the likelihood of these events and put them into context.
Avoiding the things that make you anxious just gives them more significance.
It was a lightbulb moment for DD to find out she wasn't powerless around her anxiety after all.

My hidden anxiety was frostbite. I had read about people could lose their toes through severe frostbite. My feet would get very cold while waiting for the bus in the morning, and I was frightened to put on my indoor shoes when I got to school in case my toes were rolling around in my socks. I never told anyone, I was probably about 7.

Not over the top at all. Do you not think adults have already tried to explain things? Some children need professional help with their anxiety. I grew up in Belfast and was exposed to some very graphic images and a daily count of people who had died. Some people had much worse experiences than me, yet I was affected very badly and suffered terrible anxiety, fear and worry. I also worried about nuclear war, the end of the world etc etc. I now have a child with OCD, partly due to the pandemic. He is seeing a psychologist because his fears won't go away on their own. Everyone is different.

My daughter is similar. If you can afford it then therapy is great, but your local NHS may also offer parenting sessions for specific child issues, e.g anxiety. I've signed up to some in my area. You can also ask the school if they have a linked service they can refer your son to- many buy in services to support with mental

... health.. Also ask your local Mind branch if they can support? Take care.

I was like this as a child. What got me out of it was telling myself these things will happen anyway, what would be the point in me worrying about it? Would that change anything? And if not why would I spend my life this way?

My thing was death. It was very bad. I kept saying to myself 'if I worry about death all the time I may as well be dead' and it got me able to stop eventually.

It was like a form of CBT of which a tenet is avoiding catastrophising.

So if I were in your shoes I would discuss things along this line.

Meet it head on and explain how it doesn’t happen here. That said he’s not wrong bless him and climate change and nuclear war are worrying!