What does ‘be kind to yourself’ mean to you?

[whomoon]

Just that really.

I hear/see it so often now, sometimes I wonder what in fact it really means to others?

I thought it was just an empty saying!

I try to use it to give myself a lunch break, let myself sit down with a cuppa after dinner instead of getting on with jobs, make time for a hair appointment, not feel guilty if I have a Saturday morning reading while dcs watch Netflix on the ipad sometimes. And definitely it applies to taking time off when ill.

Treat myself as I would others. Don't have ridiculous expectations & take some time for me.

It means don't beat yourself up. I used to get really cross at myself and think FFS why can't you just do these things, you're useless - but that doesn't really help and just makes whatever it is worse. If I have some self compassion and don't spend ages brooding on what I've done wrong I can just move on and do the next thing.

It means:

Look after yourself physically - clean teeth, regular showers, nice clean clothes, healthy food, no abuse of drugs, tobacco, alcohol, regular good night's sleep and plenty of fresh air and exercise.

Look after your environment so you live in a welcoming space - clean, tidy, comfortable bed, clean bedlinen and towels etc

Look after yourself mentally - use CBT techniques to reduce aggressive self-chatter, meditation to reduce anxiety, learn to say no so you are not overloaded with responsibilities

Look after yourself emotionally - avoid people who use you, mock you, talk at you, show no interest in you but expect you to show undivided interest in them. Cultivate relationships with reliable, kind people who are fun and energising to spend time wiht, who share core values with you.

Treat yourself occasionally - allow yourself to spend money and time on things that matter to you and give you great pleasure. Don't always put others - children, partner's, parents', friends' material (or emotional or physical) needs before your own.

You could add look after yourself spiritually and intellectually too.

And also accept in yourself things you can't change. Don't hate yourself for your height, build, colouring, social background, upbringing, neuro or physical diversity, unavoidable failings.

Don’t beat yourself up

Don’t hold yourself to impossible standards

Realise everyone makes mistakes

Give yourself permission to put whatever the fuck up is behind you and start again

And you are allowed rest time

Lovely post @BuryingAcorns 💕

Hah - thank you @Solosunrise - I just read the whole thread and came back to say that about your post earlier. You sound very wise and sane.

Why thank you 😇 ♥

It is the latest bollox my GP is spouting in a bid to not have refer me to mental health services.
I have something that can't be "cured" by being nice to myself and I need a review.

Yes, the being kind to yourself must include getting whatever mental health support you need. I think the ability to 'be kind to yourself' the way I have described it above requires robust mental health. My daughter suffered from quite severe mental health conditions for a while, and absolutely needed medication in order to get herself to the point of being capable of kindness to herself.

I very much hope you get what you need @Bestcatmum

Thanks, it's been an endless lifelong struggle to get a diagnosis and appropriate medication which I now have, I still manage to work full time and I really resent being fobbed off when I occasionally request a review because I know I need one. Nearly all of the work has been done by me, I ask for very little.
But when I am having vivid hallucinations again it isn't helpful at all for my GP to be telling me to be kind to myself and handing out a leaflet.

@Bestcatmum -maybe next time they try to palm you off with that, say: This is me being kind to myself, trying in vain to get the appropriate MH treatment I need. That's the kindest thing i could do for myself right now.Can you help me achieve it please?

In what way do you talk kindly to yourself?

Not
"Pathetic! I've missed so many opportunities to pull out [at the junction]. Just get on with it! Stop being a coward. The drivers behind are probably judging me. God I'm an embarrassment."

Instead
"It's OK, I can take my time. I'll pull out when it feels safe. The drivers begging me probably also hate this blind corner."

Not
"I'm stupid."

Instead
"I'll get there at my own speed."

@whomoon i really feel your pain. Unfortunately. Try and rise above it, or if you can find a slither of humour in any of it, then do.