Not sure I can afford Christmas presents for family members.

[User46374636373]

Me and dh have two dc. The kids are pretty much sorted as I managed to save some money to buy it all in one hit a while ago - usually I buy little bits here and there.

but since this point we've had the car break down, things go wrong in the house, necessary dental care that cost and arm and a leg, and of course all the cost of living stuff, energy bills, food, fuel and the worry about our mortgage going up - due for renewal early next year. We are over overdrawn by the end of the month, every month, more so lately. I know we aren't the only ones and I know this, it's a shit time for everyone 😭

we both have our mothers, their partners and we both have 3 siblings each. We are the only ones with kids. I also have my grandmother and aunts. Our dc are the only children in the family, not sure if that makes a difference. On previous I've spent maybe £10-15 each of them, but not sure I could even afford £5 each this year. Secret Santa is not really an option as everyone lives in difference places and don't always see everyone in the same place, same time kinda thing. We don't see any family on Christmas Day, we see them either a couple days before Christmas or a day or two after.

I am just not sure how we are going to do it whilst worried sick about our mortgage going up in the new year.

do you think family would understand? I don't think they really understand our money issues, mil has had 4 holidays this year and planning 2 more before the new year, she's not struggling, dh's sister and her partner earn mega money and live abroad, his brother had a good job and in a relationship with a celebrity, so don't think money is tight, my own family aren't so well off but my parents have never had to truly struggle financially because my grandparents have always bailed them out and never had to go without. . My grandma has loads of money but is very generous with it, she's helped me out with odd things before which I'm very grateful for. My siblings all live at home rent free so not really struggling!

our mortgage going up just after Christmas might bloody cripple us and we need to be as careful as poss - but it's so bloody hard to save any money at all 😭 so my point is we are the only ones in our families who could lose our home!

I just think I could buy them some tat for a fiver they won't really appreciate or need so what's really the point?

no one buys much for myself or dh, just the children but because they haven't got young children I feel like I have to buy them something. If our siblings end up having children, which I'm sure some of them want to, of course we will happily buy for nieces and nephews!

I usually love gift buying for everyone but it just seems crap this year!

wwyd??

Christmas presents for children only.

Anything else is madness.

Yanbu to explain to them that you can't this year. My sister is skint this year so she isn't buying presents for anyone. She's said no one needs to buy for her, but i will because i can and i love her

I would one million per cent rather that family members spent their money on their bills or gifts for their kids rather than worrying about gifts for me / wider family.
Anyone who says or thinks differently doesn't deserve a gift in the first place.

Why not just help her out instead of potentially making her feel bad about receiving a gift without being able to reciprocate?

I would absolutely hate family members to get into financial difficulty or stress about buying me a Christmas present. Please just let them know now that unfortunately you won't be able to buy any presents this year. I'd say that you didn't expect anything in return, but I'd be surprised if your family didn't buy for your DC.

I would hope your family would understand and kudos to you for even buying for them considering they don’t have child. I have a few friends DC who I used to buy presents for and they never thought to buy me a present because I didn’t have kids. But times have changed, things are hard you might just want to get in there and say you’d rather just share Christmas cards or nothing at all and leave the presents off this year. You could even suggest they don’t have to buy anything for your DC which makes it completely fair. And then if they do fine, but at least they don’t have to.

Just get in early and let everyone know you’re skipping gifts this year due to costs and struggling - you will probably find they are relieved , I know I would be and have tried to initiate a similar agreement with my family but failed

I certainly wouldn’t want my DCs or any one to buy me a present when they are struggling. Love and affection are what counts.
A few heartfelt words in a card would mean a lot more.

@FlowerArranger This is a such a weird perspective. Why can’t gifts just be given for the joy of giving, they don’t need to be reciprocated. Surely more off to give your sister money to buy you a present with for the sake of having something to give. Am I missing something? No one expects a present in my family, if you can lovely, if you can’t don’t worry.

I'm not buying for adults this year, with the exception of my children's two Grannies. I'd normally buy for their God Parents, my Uncle and Auntie and about a dozen more.

Instead, I'll be sending homemade cards with the children's latest school pic in. That's it. They'll be thought put in but certainly not too many pennies. I'm cutting back on what I buy my children too, but not in a too noticeable way.

'Why not just help her out instead of potentially making her feel bad about receiving a gift without being able to reciprocate?'

Leaping to the conclusion I don't says a lot about you and you're clearly the sort of person the op is worrying about.

I do help her out as much as she will let me.

Talk to your family members - some of them may be feeling the financial pinch too and might be grateful to be absolved of the guilt of feeling they “have” to buy something.

I like Martin Lewis’ take on it all: blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2009/11/is-it-time-to-ban-christmas-presents/?_ga=2.248371207.1072506708.1666121029-261549444.1665842875&_gl=1qrijsp_gaMjYxNTQ5NDQ0LjE2NjU4NDI4NzU._ga_X74CWQS9F0*MTY2NjEyMTAyOS4yLjEuMTY2NjEyMTA1NC4zNS4wLjA.

We are very comfortable financially. If a family member was struggling to buy gifts, I would hope they would just tell me they don’t want to do gifts. I’m fact I have a sibling that has done this. Whatever changes you want to make are fine with me. We can stop buying for adults. We can do a secret Santa. We can set a very tiny limit. I really don’t care. If you have the only children, I hope that you let me still buy them presents even if I get nothing in exchange.

I really don’t care about getting presents from anyone other than DH at Christmas. He has me covered.

We made a decision to stop buying all of our siblings gifts some years ago.

Originally it was because we didn't have the money, then, as the decades have gone by and we are all a bit more comfortable, financially, it is sort of the opposite - if there is something one of us wants then we can buy it for ourselves. But the feeling of relief at not having to try to think of a dozen presents to buy, wrap, get to them etc is wonderful. We meet up and enjoy each other's company and don't have to politely thank people for stuff we really don't want either.

OP, just be assertive. Tell your family that you won't be buying Christmas presents for anyone this year, and you would prefer it if they didn't get you anything either, and leave it at that. Crack on though, as some people will start buying stuff soon.

I have done the charity book shop challenge buying people a book I think they would like from a charity shop and they have done the same for me. I love someone choosing a book for me especially if it is one that I wouldn’t normally read. The charity also benefits. Difficult though if you pay postage on top.