How to resolve this issue with dh

[Slimjimtobe]

I work one day less a week than dh. I do more housework (all but he does a lot of diy & keeps busy - garden bins etc)

I do all the homework, lunch boxes and sort uniform and sort all meals

this evening he came home the same time as me (I was late) and I proceeded with homework and sorting uniforms and washing boxes out
I also put something in the airfyer. He then comes home the same time and sorted his dinner leaving me to sort all while he ate. He didn’t appear bothered about homework or anything and I let rip.

how to resolve this ? It might not look like much but I am sick of being a woman thinking of everything.

Have you told him before, calmly, that you feel you are thinking of everything?

Has it ever been expected for him to do lunches or homework etc before? If you always do it before he gets in from work (you say you were late this evenjng), maybe lunches and homework never crossed his mind?

You wont reoslve these issues by blowing up in the heat of the moment. You will need a chat with him to let him know how you feel.

One thing you could try is sitting down together and writing a list of you each do daily, weekly, monthly and say every month or whatever and how long it takes. Include every parents evening, dentist, gifts. And see if the lists are fair and discuss anything which can be done to make things easier.

When is homework set? Can it be done at the weekend?

Was he aware you’d only just come in too but didn’t suggest getting something for you (and the kids?) to eat while he fed himself? Seems very thoughtless and uncaring of him. Needs a calm chat when you’re both not tired..

I agree blowing up is counter-productive. You need to have a conversation with him (no kids around), in which the division of labour gets re-divided up more fairly. I wouldn’t do a list of everything and how long they take because that would result in kicking around in the weeds of petty arguments like does bath time take 40 mins or 55 mins? How much time is spent on DIY a week is it 2hrs or 3hrs? It doesn’t matter. The basic premise should be equal down time/leisure time. You both should be doing what needs to be done and getting up & knocking off at roughly the same time each day.

I do all the homework, lunch boxes and sort uniform and sort all meals
This is insane! You need to sit down and share the load. Doesn’t matter you work one day less a week. This should all be split 50/50.

I also put something in the airfyer. He then comes home the same time and sorted his dinner leaving me to sort all while he ate.
Why aren’t you all eating together as a family? This is also nuts. Per above, he should be making dinner for all of you 3-4 nights a week.

I’m on a diet and kids have a sandwich (it was sorted)
its the sorting homework and lunch boxes and all that. He usually reads the paper and goes for a run then he gets in

But if you always do all that stuff… how was he meant to know that this evening was any different?

Whilst he should definitely be doing more, it’s unfair to blow up at him if you’ve unanimously moved the goalposts without so much as a conversation with him first.

Totally valid and sensible point
I have spoke to him in the past but not explicitly enough though I don’t iron his stuff anymore