My house depresses me

[dontforgettofloss]

I've lived in my rented home for 10 years now, when I first moved in, the house had a weird, depressing atmosphere- the previous owners hadn't looked after it, had left loads of their old belongings here, and there was damp all up the walls, plus a mattress in the garage roof that someone had been sleeping on.

By the time I moved in, the landlord had sorted it all, the house was clean and redecorated, but still with that atmosphere.
I've tried my best to make it a home, but I still can't enjoy being in it, to me it's not a home, it's just a place where I put all my belongings.
Some bad stuff has happened in it which doesn't help- i split with my ex, so it has some of my own bad memories.
I've bought salt lamps, and sage sticks to see if that lightens the atmosphere, but it hasn't.
I can't afford to move anytime soon, so just wondering if anyone has any idea why my house is like this? Is a house with a bad atmosphere a thing? Is there anything I can do to make it better?
TIA

You could try wafting some sage around, look into how to do this properly via Google. The process clears the air, which is perhaps what's needed. Yes, homes can 100 percent have an atmosphere.

Sorry I just saw that you have already tried sage. I think salt is also a good one to use, Google that too.

Thanks for replying, I'll google salt

I think you need to shift your mindset first by letting the bad memories go and look upon your house as a new beginning, a fresh start. In the first instance try and rearrange your furniture so things are in a different place from the bad times, once you have done this you need to then think about more decorative aspects, have you got any spare money to buy a few bits and bobs? A simple thing such as fresh flowers on the coffee table, a cheap and cheerful rug, a colourful cushion on a chair can really make a difference. If you can give us an idea of what the house is like I’m sure people can give you some good tips.

I mean this gently but it’s not the house it’s you, you don’t like it and find it depressing.

you can do lots like fresh flowers, throws, candles, nice rugs, colourful wall art, to try to brighten it up but if you don’t like it and likely don’t like what’s in it. Then I’d be saving up to move. This is the benefit of renting. You can just move.

Is the house getting enough light in? That can make a huge difference. Also agree with PP, a change in soft furnishings, flowers, moving furniture around can make a big difference.

Also agree about mindset. You need to shift from seeing it as the site of your break-up/last partner into being your safe haven, the place you feel comfortable in, which with some small changes around the house you can hopefully do.

Moved into a bungalow with the other half just over a year ago now , loved the place when we viewed it .

As soon as we got the keys and went in I knew i'd done a wrong un , thought ok lets get it how we want it with decoration etc . Still hate the place , can't put my finger on why but my mood drops whenever i get home from work and go in the place .

Dehumidifier - we had a room we hated using as, although not particularly damp - just didn’t feel nice. Feels much better in it now.

This is going to sound insane, but you could talk to the house? I've occasionally talked to my house, and thanked it for protecting me, etc. It does seem to change the atmosphere.

Or Google "space clearing feng shui".

Of just move.

Do you like your furniture, lamps and ornaments etc? Is it your home clean and uncluttered? That can make a difference.

Open windows, play some good music and light some candles

Get it blessed by the local vicar? (Had a previous house blessed after going through a bad divorce) Fill it with good things, remove any dodgy books (misery autobiographies, horror etc)?

I feel the same though the house is actually lovely . It’s a large Victorian house but it’s so , so dark at the back of the house it makes me feel thoroughly depressed. It’s decorated nice but I just feel totally miserable living in it . I long for some natural light , I can’t mention it to my husband as he gets annoyed as I was the one who persuaded him to buy it 😞

It probably is me and my mindset. I'm not sure what to do anymore, maybe I'll be unhappy wherever I am. I suffer with depression and anxiety anyhow. It just doesn't feel like home like my last place did- which was also rented, but I had to move out because the landlord was selling up

Like others have said, I think you need to reclaim it as yours.

Rearrange or replace furniture (people give away all sorts for free or very cheap on local Facebook sell or swap groups). Play the music you like and sing along, especially while doing housework. Decorate it how you want with things that make you happy to look at. Don't worry about following interior trends, just do what you like - if you want a pink wall, go for it, maybe get some friends to help with the painting to make it fun. You may need to paint it back to something neutral if you leave but, if you're going to be there for a while, then it'll feel more like your space. Make nice new memories there, something like a monthly film and pizza night with your friends. Think "it's nice to be home" (and mean it!) when you walk in the door - it might feel weird initially but thinking more positively about it will help over time. Can you plant some flowers or something outside so it's nice walking up to your front door?

It usually takes me a long while for somewhere new to feel like home and I've realised that surrounding myself with bright, colourful things that make me feel happy is what works for me.

Thank you for all the suggestions, I can afford fresh flowers, which may help a little

It’s probably mostly the emotions you‘ve attached to the house, not the house itself.

Can you try journaling how you feel? The more you process your feelings the less attachment you’ll feel to things. Look up Nicole Sachs in ‘journal speak’ and Byron Katie’s ‘The Work’ if you want some direction.

Oh I just saw your last message - creating a positive mindset is really important but that's so much harder when you're battling depression and anxiety too. Please seek support if things feel too difficult 💐😊

It might not be you! Our intuition tells us things about people, situations, places and buildings definitely - we feel things that cannot always be explained rationally and that does not mean they are not equally a valid as a thought I 100% get what you are saying! I get feelings like this - sometimes that something is very positive or right too.

Thank you. I'm on medication. Am trying hard to be positive.

Marks and Sparks do a bunch of gladioli stems for three quid, when they flower the whole thing is huge. And it lasts a couple of weeks. I always pick up a bunch and have them on the hall table.

I also have a nice candle on the hall table which I light, it means I smell it as I move around from kitchen to loung to loo etc.

what have you done to personalise the house? My daughter is in rented and it was very cold and stark so I put bright and colourful art work up with commando strips. (Fortunately the landlord is ok with it and had left tins of the paint used also) -I bought two lovely fake fur throws foe the sofas,, a nice soft rug, some new cushions also for the sofa, some nice candles, a diffuser, a pretty table lamp, and some lovely fake plants from tk maxx. She added a curtain wall of fairy lights. It’s very warm and inviting now and much more personalised. It would have been depressing if she’d lived in it as it was.

noneof it was very expensive, and you could do it slowly a little every month, just some nice soft bright colourful things to brighten it up and make if feel like yours.

Do a literal sense check.
Fill it with your favourite colours, smells, sounds and textures.
Do you like how your sofa feels when you’re relaxing on it? Is it a pleasing fabric? If not, get a throw in a fabric that feels amazing to you (they’re v cheap in Asda, Primark etc).
Same for your bed; do the sheets feel and smell good? I spray my favourite perfume on my pillow each night as it has good associations and makes me feel nice.
Find a home fragrance that makes you feel good and get candles, sprays and reed diffusers. Asda had loads.
Make a playlist of all your favourite songs and broadcast over Alexa / Google (the basic speakers are affordable) throughout the house.
Never use your main ceiling lights; get lots of string lights and table lamps to create a cosy atmosphere in every room…
You can re-set your feelings and you can definitely make your house a home 😌

Omg same issue I’m having, mine is also a bungalow we’ve been here 5 months now. I miss my old little place every day. This bungalow feels so heavy especially at night

I’m having the same issue with my house
it feels different at night. My husband doesn’t want to hear it as I bothered him to move

Plants. Lots of plants for me make my house feel like a home. Very good for cleaning the air too!

Do you not get much natural light, I think that can make a huge difference. My house is quite shabby but we face west and get so much sun and light in the day. As soon I visited the house before taking it I felt happy because the sun was shining and it looked and felt so cheerful.