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DH post (solo!) holiday tantrum

25 replies

Foronenightonly01 · 16/10/2022 23:25

DH has been away for THREE weeks on holiday (doing his hobby) leaving me here at home with the kids. His plans didn’t all pan out whilst away and he has come back a miserable git and just lost it with me. Reason for the argument was of course I’ve stuck stuff in the diary whilst he’s been away and a date I’ve booked a meeting in another city doesn’t work for him. He then started saying I was always going away without more than a week’s notice (it’s happened ONCE - and it was in the diary and he hadn’t looked). Deep down he must know he’s being a dick but he’ll just keep attacking me as the first line of defence. I now have to go to bed and lie next to a man who is going to be vile. Unless I apologise. But I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong and a little bit more of me curls up every time I say sorry for something that wasn’t my fault. To be honest I was upset enough that he felt going away (to a mega destination) for 3 weeks without us was ‘normal’ and he hasn’t thanked me once for holding the fort in his absence. And I’m knackered. I just don’t know when he became this unpleasant, but he’s lost all perspective and kindness. And I am trapped. Sorry - just needed to put it somewhere.

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 16/10/2022 23:26

Is there anywhere else you can sleep? Couch if you don’t have a spare bed? Not a solution but I wouldn’t want to get into a bed with him either.

Why are you trapped?

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/10/2022 23:28

I’d sleep on the sofa.

Why are you trapped?

FaazoHuyzeoSix · 16/10/2022 23:29

Nobody has to sleep next to someone who they don't want to sleep next to. Basic human dignity. Sleep somewhere else.

VioletTopaz · 16/10/2022 23:32

Don’t apologise - sounds like you’ve done nothing wrong. Whereas he sounds like a massive tool. I agree with ^^, can you sleep elsewhere. Anywhere would be preferable than next to this grumpy, selfish man-child.

elephantseal · 16/10/2022 23:33

My h has never gone away by himself. We share the Dc.

If your h has done this, he should be full of wanting to see your dc and make things equal for you too.

MrsMacnair · 16/10/2022 23:33

I’d not be sleeping next to him when he’s being a complete and utter arse, sleep on the sofa!

Amarette · 16/10/2022 23:33

I wouldn't sleep next to him. I suggest having a proper sit down conversation where you explain your feelibg to him tomorrow. His reaction will tell you if you should work on the relationship or leave.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 16/10/2022 23:35

Fuck that, the bastard.

You've looked after everything for three weeks whilst he galavanted around the world and is now being vile to you because you arranged a meeting.

Why are you putting up with this??

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 16/10/2022 23:47

Seriously? 3 weeks? We haven’t even done three weeks as a family.

I think I’d say that yes, you have been putting things in the diary whilst he has been away, because life doesn’t stop just because he was off enjoying himself. I’d tell him he owed me an apology and that he needed to step up and help now that he’s had his jollies off. Fuck that shit would I ever be apologising to his sorry arse.

and my ducks would be lining up 🦆 🦆 🦆

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 16/10/2022 23:48

And I wouldn’t sleep on the fucking sofa either-why should you suffer for his shitty behaviour? No-he can sleep on the bastard sofa

GreenManalishi · 16/10/2022 23:55

What a prick. I'd sleep on the sofa or at a mates or my mother's or a flipping Premier Inn if it meant I didn't have to lie next to that piss taking paragon of double standards.

If you do some clear headed cold light of day investigation you might find you're not as trapped as he would like you to believe.

Queuesarasarah · 16/10/2022 23:58

3 weeks?!!!
when my DH has been home three days, he is appreciative and takes up slack with the kids. Three weeks he should be bloody worshipping the ground you walk on.
Does he have redeeming qualities?

PickAChew · 16/10/2022 23:59

I'd sleep anywhere but next to him and not do a bloody thing for him, for the forseeable.

In the cold light of day, you will hopefully realise that you are not trapped.

Foronenightonly01 · 17/10/2022 00:22

That’s what I can’t get over - if the opportunity had been afforded to me to go away for 3(!!) weeks I’d be full of effusive gratitude….and yet here he is trying to make me feel shit!!! He’s fast asleep and I’m lying here seething. For varying reasons placing ducks is a very very long game, but I am training them up just in case things don’t improve. He will be horrid for the next few days now…. Just got to steel myself to ignore. I was actually looking forward to him getting home - I’m a fool!!!!

OP posts:
AiryFairyLights · 17/10/2022 00:22

Do not apologise to him - you have nothing to apologise for, but every time you do he has got away with his shitty behaviour and will do it again and again. STOP the cycle and do what YOU want to do. If that’s kick him to the kerb so be it. If not, then at least tell him enough is enough and he needs to start respecting you.
Good luck x

LumpyandBumps · 17/10/2022 00:24

Missing the point, but how does he know when you wrote things in the diary of he’s been away for 3 weeks?

GADDay · 17/10/2022 00:27

OP I may be way off base here and I really hope I am.

This screams affair to me. My BFFs ExH would be vile to her after "lads" trips. Turns out he was missing his girlfriend and hated going home after their little getaways.

Randomword6 · 17/10/2022 00:28

He sounds like a shit. You know he is one. You are going to need support to get out of this situation.

Rtmhwales · 17/10/2022 00:37

LumpyandBumps · 17/10/2022 00:24

Missing the point, but how does he know when you wrote things in the diary of he’s been away for 3 weeks?

If it's anything like my household our shared calendar/diary is an app on our phones where DP can look. Mine even notifies him when I add something that involves him.

LumpyandBumps · 17/10/2022 00:43

Rtmhwales · 17/10/2022 00:37

If it's anything like my household our shared calendar/diary is an app on our phones where DP can look. Mine even notifies him when I add something that involves him.

Ah! Thank you. I didn’t think of that.

AntimemeticsDivision · 17/10/2022 01:51

Well, that's not a long-term winning relationship.

You're married to an absolute cock.

HowVeryBizarre · 17/10/2022 02:02

He sounds like an absolute dick. I would sleep elsewhere, tell him in the morning that you will speak to him again after he apologises for his outrageous bad behaviour and let him know you are planning your own solo three week trip.

Whiskeypowers · 17/10/2022 02:17

affair?

Leximeg · 17/10/2022 02:18

Give him a good kick and tell him to fuck off down to the sofa. Why should you have to sleep with a dickhead like that. Then tell him next time he pisses off to stay gone. Would
not put up with his crap. Why should you.

Jamjaris · 26/02/2023 08:08

GADDay · 17/10/2022 00:27

OP I may be way off base here and I really hope I am.

This screams affair to me. My BFFs ExH would be vile to her after "lads" trips. Turns out he was missing his girlfriend and hated going home after their little getaways.

I was thinking affair too!

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