Relative keeps asking to borrow money

[Redhop]

I have a relative who keeps asking to borrow money.
They are younger than me, have never had a job, parents the same. Not benefit bashing at all, they have been raised in the system, they know no different.
I work full time and have just taken on a weekend job to keep us going. We are as least off as we have ever been.
We have nice things, a lovely house and shiny cars, bought with equity from a doer upper that we lived in for years with no hot water/electrics etc. as well as inheritance. I feel they do not know this but think we are rich from looking in from the outside. Anyway, none of their business.
I don't want to give them a penny as I am just finishing my shift at my 2nd job having done 56 hours total this week while they have done 0. Im waiting for my uniforms to finish in the wash ready for 8 am so cant even get in bed.
I want to convey this but not seem like a dick saying it outright but I think their lifestyle just expects handouts. I always give the money and it is usually paid back once their benefits go in but I am so fucked off right now. They have not paid back twice also

The message said
Hi Sam, can you lend me 20 til Friday and I'll give u 30 back??

I have not replied and have had a further ?

Help meh

I sent this and had a reply of 'I've sorted it'
😡

Depends if you know they are really struggling this time or not but you need to nip it in the bud

Frustrating OP. Hopefully they won't ask again. Why won't they get a job?

I have gone NC with my brother because of this

Wwll done.

Lending money between family can often sour relationships. Best avoided unless the lender can afford to and would be willing to reclassify it as a gift if it isn't repaid.

'Oh gosh, I was about to text YOU asking for a loan as I am absolutely broke, what a shame'.

She is my niece and I love her dearly.
My dad married her grandma years ago.They separated before she was born. I remain close to the family as I built up many relationships in my earlier years and I love them all dearly. But it is a different world.
I cannot name any of the family who have jobs. I do not know how they do it or get away with it.
I feel they think I owe them as i inherited from my dad but his wife did well from the divorce and it was all done and dusted before he died. He continued paying for a number of things afterwards too but I stopped those because why wouldn't I?

Ignore the advice to lie. Tell your niece very clearly that you will not be giving her money and she is not to ask again. Stop being a doormat.

@Redhop could you now say “great, you still owe me XX x2 that you didn’t pay, can you sort that too? Already worked 56 hours this week and still struggling”

"Sorry, no. I'm short myself this month. "

Keep using the exact same wording, so they realise you've set up a standard worded message. They'll stop asking because it gets them nowhere.

"No because you still owe me X amount"

"Sorry, we don't have any money to spare (well not for you), thats why I'm working a 56 hour week.

If you're struggling at moment, there's plenty of Xmas jobs around."

@Whiskers4 message, plus " Also means you could pay me back the money you already owe me."

It is infuriating. I have a niece on benefits , I love her dearly. But have stopped paying automatically for meals etc. due to a number f instances where I felt she was taking out money for granted.

You’re not helping them though. The more you lend the more they’re going to ask.

The best help you can give them is to tell them they need to get a job , offer to help with applications etc .

Good decision, stick to it in future.

This would be my reply:

No, I had to take an extra job and I'm only just covering all our costs with absolutely nothing spare, despite working 56 hours per week. We have no safety net.
But did you know you can work and still claim benefits? www.gov.uk/universal-credit/how-your-earnings-affect-your-payments Should help you to get a little job alongside.

Here are some local part time jobs I'm sure you can find something.
(list of local jobs)

Well guess who has had their lips done today? And is flaunting them all over Facebook with her immaculate nails. So glad I didn't send her anything. I think I might grow some balls and ask about the job or lack of situation next week when she inevitably asks again.

You need to grow even bigger balls and confront her directly about her irresponsibility. She is taking the absolute piss.

I had the same problem with a relative and every month she was buying treats with my money. I'd be tempted to post something sarcastic on Facebook to let her know you're onto her.

I like this!

i think you are making the mistake of feeling you have to justify not lending her money.
i also think you should not ask her about getting a job.
just be friendly but create a sense of privacy around financial matters, yours and hers.
and of course do not lend any more.
and give no reason. do not seek to justify, waffle or excuse.
just say no.
least said, soonest mended.
good luck.

You also need to ask for your money that is owed

So in your text you were telling her how you were also struggling, and her only response is "I've sorted it"? She's obviously not interested in saying anything or showing sympathy about your situation, only cares if you can give her money or not. You say you love her dearly but she sounds like a classic user tbh, especially with the nails and lips done at someone else's expense. Tell her she needs a bloody job.

I wouldn't confront her about her lack of job just ask her for what she owes you back and resolve never to lend her money again.