Weekend away and DC fallout

[Orangestrap]

Ages ago my friend and I planned a weekend away with our DC as a surprise, I told my DC (16) last week and she’s been really quiet on it and last night she told me she was dreading it as friends DD (will call her Monica) wasn’t great to her last time we saw them and she finds her really hard work.

TBH this has come as real news to me but we live in a different town to Monica so haven’t seen them for a while. DC said when we last went there she said Monica said some unkind things to her and made her feel really uncomfortable since then and they’ve not been in touch since and she was very happy about that.

Anyway, weekend away is in a couple of weeks time and I’ve offered to share a room with her, we can do a day with just us but she’s really not looking forward to it. I really don’t want to cancel as cost quite a lot and I’ve been really looking forward to it, also Monica’s mum is a old good friend.

Any suggestions?

Let her stay at home? It sounds like she's only doing this to please you.

Oh this sounds really awkward. Presumably the other girl will feel the same. Maybe you two mums need to discuss going without them. Or do you think it would be a chance to get them back to being better friends?

Def share a room with her and do everything as a whole group , I'm sure when they were little it was 'oh you kids go off and play' but don't make her do that. It'll be fine , have you got things planned to do?

Please don’t make your DD go.

Can you not just go with your friend? I get it will be awkward but I don’t think you should make your DD go to something she is dreading with a child who is unkind to her.

Thanks all. We’ve had a chat this morning and she’s said as long as we hang out together generally as a group then she’s okay with it. It’s going to Berlin so I think she’ll really like it once we’re there (it’s somewhere she’s wanted to go for a long time after a cancelled school trip) so we can go off and do our thing. Also thrown in promise of trying to find something Halloween/ Christmas shopping places.

As poster said up thread it’s easier when they’re younger to force these things and obviously I’ll check before doing anything like this again. 🙀

Don’t force or oressurise your Dd into this. That would be an awful thing to do.

*or pressurise

I’ve given her an ‘out’ this morning but shes said she’ll go and we’re sort of planning it as a weekend of things we want to do (which she says Monica won’t want to do so we’ll have more time together) luckily my friend is v relaxed & won’t mind if we do our own thing and meet later for dinner.

Oh god, don't be my mother. My mother tried to force me throughout my entire childhood to be friends with her best friend's daughter and it was absolutely miserable. When I was 15 I finally put my foot down and refused to spend any more time with the girl. My mother called me selfish and all sorts because I wouldn't spend time with some horrible daughter of her friend.

Everyone relax! Mum and daughter are going to do their own thing. It sounds like you have reached a good compromise. Have a great time.

As I said I gave her an out this morning as I wouldn’t want to be forced to go away with someone I didn’t like. We’ve come to a compromise and she’s happy to go. But no more surprise weekends are being planned for foreseeable 😉

And no mention of her being selfish, she’s def not.

@Orangestrap and you will have a fabulous time in Berlin ! What a city to explore

I'm sure you'll want to spend a good amount of time with your friend too. Now that you know the problem, just tweaking things by letting DD go off for some downtime when you're socialising could help a lot. There are a million shades of grey with this, you don't need to miss out on seeing your friend.