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Do you sometimes feel that you’re being wrong-footed?

2 replies

QualifiedDys · 14/10/2022 16:52

I’m not sure whether I’m completely misunderstanding a certain friend (either by WA or in person), or whether she’s in the early stages of dementia, or whether she’s actually playing some kind of mind game designed to make me her voice and develop her judgmental comments. So I thought I’d put it to Mumsnet to see whether anyone had experienced anything similar.

One of my friends - an acquaintance who has evolved into a friend who I see in person now and then on an organised walk, and also who I WA within between book club meetings - can be quite critical of other people. Our conversations are always in between ourselves. Being a bit of a people pleaser, I sometimes add a supporting comment to her criticisms, whereupon she will say ‘I don’t know what you mean!’ or ‘That sounds quite crititical’, leaving me feeling put down and wondering what on earth is going on. The lead-in always comes from her, yet I’m left standing there like the bad guy. I wish I’d just shut up and not said anything. I would stress the conversation is just between ourselves and as far as I’m aware nobody overhears.

Has anyone experienced anything similar to this?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 14/10/2022 16:54

Surely if you stop adding to her criticisms of people, the problem will be solved?

FictionalCharacter · 14/10/2022 17:24

Just ignore her when she badmouths other people. Even better, say you won’t be commenting because you don’t think it’s right to talk about people like that behind their backs. Saying things about them that you don’t mean just because you’re a people pleaser is a terrible idea and could backfire on you badly.
Try to kick the people pleasing habit! It’s too easy to cross the line from being “nice” to people and being a mug.

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