Can you recommend me a book to heal from childhood hurt

[Autumflower]

I’m slowly unraveling,
what if they were dreadful parents and didn’t take you to stately homes ,is there a thread for that ..
my son is going through what I went through,I’m moving heaven and earth to make things better for him ,but it’s only highlighting how little they did for me .
mum is at the point she needs me so much ,and all the professionals involved expect me to step up ..which I have so far and moved mountains
but the hate is seeping in ,I’m angry as a child , I wasn’t listened to ,or supported ,instead of sympathy after a suicide attempt I received anger .
i need to move on ,this is doing me no good ,I’ve had so much counselling,but it’s not worked …I’m just full of bitterness that I need to move on from
can anyone suggest a book I could work through.thanks for reading

I would recommend the book The body keeps the score to help with complex ptsd from an abusive childhood and also emdr therapy, you can do some on YouTube eg Paul Mckenna The Havening Technique. You don't have to do more for your mum than you feel able to, start to set boundaries with the professionals about what your limits are. Sorry for all you have been through.

A book I found very helpful is Growing up Again (might have another again, not sure.) Some of it might not be relevant to you but you can pick it up as and when it suits you. I hope you find what you need x

I'm listening to Buddhism for Mothers which surprisingly I find helps me with my childhood hurt.
If not that just any book on Buddhist thinking might help you view things from a fresh perspective.
(I'm not Buddhist or religious)

Thankyou ,I will look all those up on Amazon ,really appreciate you all replying

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read by Philippa Perry was really good for me.

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents amzn.eu/d/j2Ybgye

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA amzn.eu/d/9G4uB4S

Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect amzn.eu/d/btBlHNz

Pete walkers complex ptsd book for sure

I’ve seem this on Amazon ,thanks

I think the problem is I’m not sure what it was ,like what to label it
the various counsellors all used the word abuse ,and said no one would blame me for going none contact with her ,as 16 other relatives have done .
that feels to uncomfortable,so I use the words , hurt or difficult childhood,or I’d say it was a typical 1980s crap childhood
I just want the hurt to go away ,I’ve spent most of my life keeping it in a box in my head …but it’s currently not staying in the box ..
im so frustrated with myself,I want the whole lot back in it’s box

I'd second Running on Empty. Helped me a lot and I didn't have a toxic childhood. Just realised how emotionally neglected I was when I hit similar milestones with my own kids and I was there for them in a way my mother never was.
Another good read is Motherwell by Deborah Orr. It's not so much a self help book as a cathartic autobiography for the author but boy it hits home and it hits hard. I could particularly relate growing up near the area the author did. She was an editor for a top newspaper so it's incredibly well written and visceral.

I wanted to join the stately home thread …but they didn’t take me to stately homes …so
they actually went on holiday many times a year leaving me home with a woman who popped in to feed the cats once a day ..I was trusted to be home alone for a week age 11 ,yet not trusted to feed the cats ..the cat woman popped in ,in a morning when I’d gone to school.i even had an accident and school took me to hospital for stitches ,..they didn’t come back early

I found ''the Body keeps the score'' by Bessel A. van der Kolk really helpful as well and ''Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life'' by Susan Forward.

But I must say I also needed counselling which involved EMDR to finally start processing the trauma and get better and understand I was allowed to be my own person and have my own life.

Also ''mum is at the point she needs me so much ,and all the professionals involved expect me to step up .''

Don't let yourself being forced into a carer's role for someone who neglected you to start with and who you don't have a good emotional connection with. Make it clear you will not provide the support needed and that alternative solutions will have to be put in place (professional carers).

You need to put your own mental health and that of your own kid(s) first.

If you grew up with parents who did not give you a healthy home environment and the ability to establish healthy boundaries it is very easy to still be manipulated/controlled by them as an adult and doubt your own judgement and ignore your own needs.

Your actually not wrong ..especially when your used to everything being your fault

Research EMDR.

Books by Alice Miller.

Hey,

I've been with my therapist / counsellor for 3 years now and have read all different books to try to help me on my journey.

The body keeps the score is excellent. As is out of the fog by Dana Morningstar . I also appreciated Oprah and Bruce Perry - what happened to you .

There is an amazing podcast by two excellent therapist - Kate mckenner and Helen villers called "in-sight" . Listen to that from episode one and you'll be well on your way.

I would also recommend anything by Alice Miller. You may not need to necessarily label what it was, rather than just allow yourself to feel how shit and hard and difficult it was, and any other emotions that come up for you. Alice Miller is a big advocate of that, as she says that unless we reconcile the pain for ourselves we are essentially walking around not knowing why we are so unhappy and bitter. Good luck OP, it's a hard road but your are not alone. My parents also frequently went away, probably leaving me from about the same age, as they said they needed a break from me. I was terrified home alone and can never imagine leaving my kids alone at the same age

I second this

This one is very helpful too

I recommend this too - it’s really good.

Life, Death and the crap in between: A true story amzn.eu/d/abheT9f
This book is a real eye opener, the shocking events and a true story, absolutely worth reading,

There's always someone who's been through it, quite possibly a worse childhood or life, here's a real shocker
Life, Death and the crap in between: A true story amzn.eu/d/abheT9f