EX-DP can’t have DS this weekend as he is ‘ill’

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🙄🙄🙄

woke up to a message from ex DP detailing how he knows this ‘won’t got down well’ with me but he cannot have DS weekend as he is ill and feels dizzy. He also said he wanted me to know today so I have time to ‘sort an alternative’

i am a nurse and due in work to do 2x 13 hours shifts Saturday and Sunday. I have NO back up childcare this weekend, it’s a weekend everyone is busy/has their own lives. My parents help out already during the week if I’m working but I work on the bank so do mostly weekends so I don’t have to put on them. But my parents are at a wedding this weekend so can’t ask them.

i have replied to say being ill doesn’t mean you get to check out of being a parent and he will have to sort childcare. I had a vile infection 3 weeks ago that required hospital treatment for dehydration. I still had to do the school run, make tea, take DS to his club etc, working all this around feeling like I wanted to die. Because you know, parenting doesn’t stop. He has read the message and not replied, I know his reply will be something along the lines of how he will miss DS soooooo much and will really really want to see him this weekend but just isn’t up to it. if I have to cancel my bank shifts I’ll get a black mark against me and also I’ll be literally hundreds of pounds down in my wages which I cannot afford 😢

SO frustrating.

Tell him he will have to sort childcare as its his weekend. He'd have to look after him if you were still together and he was ill.

"That's fine if you're not up to it but it's down to you to sort an alternative."

What are the usual handover arrangements? I'd drop DC off as usual or if ex usually picks up, tell him you'll do him a favour and do the drop. How old is DC? Does ex have PR or is this more of an informal arrangement?

Is he a parent or a childminder? FFS, I hope he pulls his finger out.

Ask him if he intends to pay you the £x you will lose this weekend.

Point out that when you are ill you deal with the children and when you need childcare when they are with you, you sort it because that's what being a parent is.

At the end of the day you sadly can't make him be a good father but you can tell him he's a poor one.

Actually that's misrepresenting childminders, they do quite often do have arrangements with a different childminder to help with this kind of thing

Unfortunately this is the reality of single parenting there is nothing you can do to make him step up. It's shit but you do need to put an emergency plan in place because he doesn't see himself as responsible for your dc. It doesn't matter if its court ordered contact or informal he holds all the power and you can't make him have the dc

Drop the kid off at his house and go to work.

is their a child arrangements order? I’ve just been in a situation where my ex has said he’s unavailable for a 10 day period and even with an order he is able to do that and doesn’t even have to find alternative arrangements. The reason he has given would be classed as “sympathetic by the judge”

People say he will still have to have him or he will have to find childcare but in reality he won’t and he just won’t show up and there is nothing you can do.