I'm in my 40s and think I've had a personality transplant

[ConfusedHur]

I'm 47, and I notice in the last couple of years I've:

• become less of a people pleaser;

• speak my mind more, but not in a nasty way - eg I let someone know if they've said something that has upset me, whereas before I would have silently stewed!

• culling my acquaintances to spend more time with actual friends;

• saying no to places I don't want to go to, including events involving large groups.

Am I alone in feeling like this at this age or am I turning into a grumpy old woman?

Ummm when we add in HRT does the "no fucks given" disappear?

Or do we get to keep it?

I’m the same it’s definitely the hormones . Less of the cuddle hormone that makes us want to look after everyone and people please . I have no time for any BS anymore which is bad news to those around me and we also have a middle aged cranky tired DH suffering from his own change , a teen DS and a pre teen DD . There’s a lot of shouting in our house atm but I know it’ll be less once DS goes to Uni although I’ll be sad about that .

I don't think it's peri-menopause or hormones at all, at least it wasn't for me!

With life expectancy of around 80, when you hit 40 you realize you have just as much of your life in the past as you can expect to have going forward. It makes you realize that life is precious, that YOU are precious. That both you and your life are too precious to waste on pleasing people not worthy of being pleased and tiptoeing around situations that aren't worth being tiptoed around.

So we start to focus on being our best selves and those in our lives who truly love us and support us. We start to live honestly, treating people as we'd like to be treated. And if they don't measure up to that 'golden rule', then out they go.

We also really start questioning 'the rules' and start to toss out the ones that aren't fit for purpose in our lives. We live honestly and according to OUR rules. That's not to say we become selfish or bitchy. Just that we don't put up with nonsense nor suffer fools gladly.

To misquote William Morris: “Have nothing and no one in your life that you do not know to be useful to being your best self, or believe to be beautiful inside.”

Lovely post AcrossthePond

Its the drop in oestrogen. Men feel like this all the time

^

This is brilliant! Never thought of it like this

Is this not why so many women divorce after 40

I had a “life is short” moment when I got diagnosed with breast cancer. Peri-menopause starting was what brought on the “no fucks given”.

Thinking about this, yes I've become far more 'don't give a shit' in general - but - my support and loyalty towards other women has increased massively.

The more young women (20s, 30s) I read about putting up with absolute shit from their husbands, the crosser I get! On a post on mumsnet where half the responses are ltb and the other half are 'you can't leave over this, it's normal' I'll bet all the ltb responses are from women over 40 who've seen the light.

I too feel like this at times, a bit flat.

42 and it’s starting with me. No patience with anything and with a 4 year old that’s a bad thing 😳
But I love the feeling of not giving a shit. I was the ultimate people pleaser for YEARS! No more…
I do dream of living on my own a lot. Is that part of it too? Just on my own in a cabin up the mountain… bliss

I wonder if we're biologically wired to give/care/tolerate so much in our childbearing years - obviously needed for children but men sneak in too to take advantage - and then once we're not giving birth any more ; we focus on ourselves again, like men do the whole time. Hence divorce rate, almost always initiated by women, increases. And, possibly, also has the tragic consequence of the high suicide rate in middle age men as women start saying no to them for the first time ever.

I literally turned 40 and the next day, I could give a crap about what people thought of me or what I did. It’s been like that for 6 years now and I’m a lot happier.
Im getting less peoply as I get older, my tolerance level for crowds and sheople is low. Sheople - Sheep and people combined.

I'm 43 and recognising a lot of this, my main emotions seem to be 0-100 anger and apathy in equal parts.
I just don't care about stuff like I used to, but equally if I do care it's probably because it's made me angry.
I'm just not interested in the gossip mill at work or who Mrs X from number 20 is shagging, and rather than feigning interest like I used to, to keep people happy, I just shrug and carry on with my day. I'm also not bothered about people bitching and twittering about me - unless it's an accusation of something unfair or that isn't true, then I'm angry and will set people straight - but without the pandering, tearful, apologetic way I used to be. It's straight to the point and dispenses with the bullshit.

I'm not bothered about an atmosphere either if someone else is offended by something I've done or they perceive I've done, if I'm wrong then I'll apologise but I've got no time for grudge holding and post mortems and 'lets discuss this further' and raking over stuff all the time.

But the brain fog, fatigue and inability sometimes to grasp the simplest of concepts is really pissing me off.

I'm still regular but don't have a lot of the issues around my periods I used to, and have noticed other changes too that point to peri, but as a pp wondered, I also want to know that when it gets to HRT stage, will I keep this new found not giving a fuck?!

I loved reading that too!!

In a house full of men , this totally makes sense to me.

Me too and I'm 40! I've ditched some long term friends who drained the life and energy out of me, made me feel like I was back in high school mentality clique, and took advantage to boot of my generosity and whilst a big part of my social life went with it, I now honestly don't give a fuck. Sheeple is the perfect word for them!

I'm content with staying in with my own company, feeling quite optimistic about life, have met new people who I'm enjoying getting to know and about to start a new job.

Brain fog is setting in though, as is the fat around my middle!

Haha I can relate to this. I'm 47 too and up until a few years go I got broody all the time, now I can't stand screaming toddlers!

This! I literally have to stop myself from saying out loud what's in my head on a daily basis!

As soon as I read the title I knew it would be peri menopause 🤣🤣

I can relate to "less peopley"! I used to do an activity with a large group because I felt I "should". Now I can think of nothing worse and have distanced myself from it, but still do the activity with a select few.

Wow. Just wow

I’m 50 and so glad to hear it’s not just me. Been feeling like this for 3 or 4 years

Good post

If this is an out come of the perimenopauce we should be shouting about it! All I hear is how absolutely shit it will be.

Don't worry about the brain fog. It lifts. Plenty of dumbarse men have been operating just fine with half a brain cell for years. So I figure even if I am at half capacity I am still smarter than they are.

Even that sort of thought would never have occurred to me 5 years ago. But fuck it.

Well yes there are a lot of upsides, but I could do without the extra chin hair, aching bones and disturbed sleep!