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Original poster

Should I cancel my drs appointment?

20 replies

ConfusedinOctober · 12/10/2022 12:30

I haven't felt like myself for probably well over a year. I don't feel sad but I don't feel anything really, just numb to life. I have zero interest in intimacy with my partner. It's causing real issues as he feels rejected. I love him and I wish I could want to be intimate with him, even just a hug but it's just not there. It's been a year.

I figured that the feeling in my chest which keeps me up at night and I get at other times like writing this and thinking about my appointment is probably anxiety but I don't know why I would be anxious.

A friend suggested I speak to a GP which I disregarded but a month ago, I was having a particularly bad day and feeling lost and low so I booked a GP appointment online on a whim. That appointment is now tomorrow and I feel a bit sick about it. I am embarrassed to take the appointment because I'm actually not sick so it's a waste of the doctors time, what can they even do about it? But otoh, I want to feel better and it's getting worse. I probably just need to pull myself together and free up the appointment for someone who is ill.

I'm sorry as I'm not sure what I want from this post. I guess I'm looking for thoughts as I don't know what to do for the best, wwyd?

OP posts:

BritInAus · 12/10/2022 12:33

I'm really sorry things are difficult for you right now.
I absolutely encourage you to go and see your GP and say exactly what you've said here. It may well be the first step to things feeling better. x

Original poster

ConfusedinOctober · 12/10/2022 12:33

I've obviously name changed as I have many friends on here and nobody irl knows about this. Not even the friend who suggested the drs and I dismissed it knows I booked. I'd rather they didn't know but some of them know my usual username.

OP posts:

2anddone · 12/10/2022 12:36

How old are you? Could you be peri menopausal? I had ridiculous anxiety for no reason I could pinpoint along with a few other symptoms (dizziness, insomnia, night sweats) and the dr have me oestrogel and I felt completely different. Keep your dr appointment it could take you ages to get another!!

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bogoblin · 12/10/2022 12:39

Please don't cancel your appointment. I encourage you to take it and tell your GP what you've told us here at the beginning of your post. I don't want to armchair diagnose you but if you're feeling numb then you are sick, in a way, just not physically. You absolutely deserve a GP appointment just as much as someone with, say, the flu, or an ear infection, or, I don't know, an ingrown toenail.

Taking the appointment will not be a waste of time. Be honest with your GP.
Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason to the way we feel and that's OK. And sometimes it's not about pulling yourself together but allowing others to help you. Making the appointment on the first place was a great step, now take the next and attend it. I wish you all the best

tickticksnooze · 12/10/2022 12:42

Go to the appointment. Take some notes of what's affecting you then if you get stuck you can show them.

Original poster

ConfusedinOctober · 12/10/2022 13:11

@2anddone Thanks for the reply. I'm in my early 30's.

I've actually remembered what prompted me to book. I had a days holiday booked and my children were at childcare, so it was a day home alone. This never happens but I felt dreadful all day, the anxiety I had about not being at work or being with my children made me made me breathless and I felt ill all day. I booked an appointment that evening because I thought this can't be fine. Online because I didn't feel like I could phone in the morning.

But that was a particularly bad day. And I've not had a repeat. I do get breathless sometimes but it passes quickly, never again all day.

I just cannot shake the feel of embarrassment and that I'll be a time waster. I don't know if I can bring myself to speak to the doctor over the phone but I also feel like I owe it to my children to feel good. If you look at me from the outside, I have everything together, so that's probably what the doctor will think. The same doctor saw me in a person a week ago with one of my kids and I obviously didn't look ill so I'm worried he'll think I'm making it up and being stupid.

OP posts:

Olivetreebutter · 12/10/2022 13:14

Mental health is as valid as physical health. Your mental health is struggling. If you had a twisted ankle you'd do something for it, this is no different.
Your Dr won't judge you - they will see hundreds of clients who "look fine". Sometimes that can be the biggest concern, that you are presenting an image to the world that isn't real. Speak to the Dr and be completely honest about how you feel, they can help.

Wilburisagirl · 12/10/2022 13:37

@ConfusedinOctober please keep your appointment. Depression isn't always actually a terrible sadness like most people thing. More often than not, it's an absence of the feeling of joy, a loss of pleasure in things they used to enjoy, loss of motivation etc. you have absolutely classic symptoms and you deserve your Doctors time 100%.

SummerHouse · 12/10/2022 13:45

Go. 100% go. Go with bells on. You are probably a bit scared and looking for a way out of it by minimising the problem. A problem which is, for sure, worth a GP appointment.

Go, go, go.

Be honest. Listen to what they say.

This could be the first step on your way to a better life. You deserve it. Your children deserve it.

Go.

Original poster

ConfusedinOctober · 12/10/2022 15:11

Thank you for the replies, it helps a tiny bit to have people say I'm not a time waster. I'm going to read them again tonight when the urge to cancel gets strong. I'll make some notes for the call so at least if my mind goes blank I can read from the notes.

OP posts:

Original poster

ConfusedinOctober · 13/10/2022 11:08

I've just realised the time and my telephone appointment was half an hour ago. I've checked my phone in a panic even though its been next to me all morning and I've had no missed call. Do you think they aren't going to call or could they be running late? I've never booked an appointment through the app before. Argh

OP posts:

lillyrabbit · 13/10/2022 11:10

ConfusedinOctober · 13/10/2022 11:08

I would imagine they're running late, our doctors never call on time!

LindaEllen · 13/10/2022 11:35

I hope you've now had your appointment and it went okay!

I booked a GP appointment for similar reasons in 2020. It was Christmas Eve, and I realised that it was the first time I was looking forward to Christmas Day in years - because I wasn't allowed to go out and see anyone, and I had to stay at home just me and DP. I realised Christmas did usually make me very anxious, and I just couldn't deal with it.

I had my appointment on Jan 6th 2021 and they prescribed me Sertraline.

They sat on the worktop in the kitchen for a few weeks because I was terrified of taking them, but eventually I did.

A few months later and my life was truly transformed.

I'm still taking a low dose now and I can just do things that I couldn't have done in the past.

It is truly worth it.

I also had no idea what was making me anxious. It was a feeling that was constantly there for no discernible reason. But the Sertraline made it go away.

Sparkletastic · 13/10/2022 11:38

They will be running late. Keep the appointment. I felt very depressed when my thyroid packed up. The way you are feeling could well have a medical cause.

Original poster

ConfusedinOctober · 13/10/2022 11:41

That was a waste of time. I told him how I felt. Explained the anxious feeling I get in my chest.

Are you sad or crying a lot? No. I'm numb. I feel nothing. No sadness. No joy. No desire to be intimate.

Do you take time off work ill? No. Are you able to do your work? Yes. Do you have financial or legal issues? No. Do you meet the needs of your children and home? Yes.

Ok. Nothing wrong. Just a busy life which he has said I'm coping excellently with. Well done me. He suggested I exercise or take a bath to chill out and 'pamper' myself. He also recommends I write a list of all the good things I have in my life so I can focus on that and with regards to the lack of desire to be intimate, I make a rule with my other half that I will show affection once a day and I make myself do that. Then I increase it to twice. Then it will probably just come naturally.

The thought of a rule and forced affection makes me feel ill. If it was that easy I would have already done this but at this point it was clear it was a waste of time so I just wanted to end the call.

OP posts:

StillNotWarm · 13/10/2022 12:09

I'm so sorry the GP has been so dismissive.
Is there any self referral for chatting therapy near you? I don't think you are right, and do need some support for your mental health.

squashandrun · 13/10/2022 14:46

That is rubbish advice from your GP. The circumstances don't matter - if you feel numb that's going to affect your quality of life, regardless of whether you're struggling "on paper" or not. I can completely empathise with that feeling - the fact that it has been going on for a year means something isn't right. A bath and mandated affection isn't going to do anything for you and I actually think that's a really inappropriate suggestion to make.

I would really recommend trying to speak to a female GP if you can - it might be low level depression, anxiety or a hormonal imbalance but it will be fixable, even if it takes time. Please keep trying, the fact that you made the initial appointment and have started this thread shows that you know things could be better, and they will be. You deserve to feel something again OP x

WhenIgrowolder · 13/10/2022 14:55

Please don't give up. That GP should be retrained. You obviously need some help and please don't feel you are wasting their time. As another PP said , ask for a female GP maybe. They should do a blood test to rule out any obvious problems first anyway.

bogoblin · 13/10/2022 18:29

Thirding what the previous two posters have said. Sorry you had such a crap appointment - please don't go away believing that that's all that can be done to help you as it's absolutely not.

Olivetreebutter · 14/10/2022 08:10

Absolutely go back to them and insist on seeing a different GP. Explain its a big change and it hasn't been triggered by anything. If they say you're coping well say "no I'm not, I'm calling you because I'm not coping".
I have ME, extreme fatigue and pain has been my daily companion since I was 14. My first GP told me all teenagers get tired and he couldn't explain the pain but it was probably just that I was sleeping funny. Finally at 22 and 3 GPs later I was taken seriously and out on some industrial strength pain medication and my life was transformed. Not fixed, but made bearable again but they let me suffer for 8 years and I can't forgive that. But there are good GPs out there, so keep going and keep looking. Advocate for yourself, or if you can't get a friend or DH to advocate for you.

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