Help! New possible working hours. What would you do?

[ThorsMistress]

I need help because I apparently am completely incapable of making my own life decisions.

I currently work the following hours

Monday - 8:00 to 18:30
Wednesday - 8:00 to 13:30
Thursday - 8:00 to 18:30

A position has come up where I could possibly drop the Thursday afternoon and work the Tuesday morning. Making my hours

Monday - 8:00 to 18:30
Tuesday to Thursday - 8:00 to 13:30

The new hours would be PERFECT for childcare reasons. I wouldn’t need to rely on anyone to help and school holidays would be so much easier.

But. DH is a head chef. He works very long hours meaning I only see him sometimes for half an hour in the mornings but often I am gone to work before he wakes up meaning I don’t see him all day. We have worked like this for the last 8 years and although it’s not for everyone it works for us.

Here’s the problem. He gets a Tuesday off. Meaning we get to spend the day together, going for lunch etc and just spending that quality time together that we just don’t have.

I really don’t want to regret the decision I make. What would you do? I only have until tomorrow morning to decide making it even harder.

I think the situation with yours and you your husband's hours has worked so well for you because you get the Tuesday off together. Him on his own for part of Tuesday then not being able to go out together once a week without the children is not the same for your relationship. You could lunch together, play badminton together, go to the cinema,visit a garden centre paint a room together ...all without dc. 😃 The list is endless. I would find it hard to give that up.

Personally I'd keep my current hours if they are working for you.
Maybe if you want to change hours think about a pattern that would be better for you and propose that to your employer, rather than just picking up a shift change because someone has left.

Might someone else want a Friday off instead? Anyone to swap with?

If not, I’d take the new hours anyway. It helps with holiday childcare, for one thing - your DH will be able to have them on a Tuesday solo, and if he doesn’t spend much time with them otherwise because of his job, that seems valuable to me. And you get to be around every afternoon for all after school activities etc, , which will start to get trickier once your 4 year old also takes up stuff and you’re out ferrying them around 5 nights a week.

What time is he in work usually? Does he have any flex e.g. Fridays, could he miss prep & lunch service, giving him the morning off?

I would stay as is. My DH is an executive head chef so I get it! I work flexible hours so I usually work a weekend day so I can get a weekday off with him. That one day off together is invaluable

He gets Monday and Tuesday off each week. There’s no one to swap with for a Monday off as we have a small team and it would mean swapping multiple peoples shifts to accommodate that. He leaves the house at 9:30 and isn’t home until I’m in bed and asleep. Unfortunately he is unable to get a Friday off as it’s one of his busiest days.

There has been times I’ve worked the Tuesday morning as overtime so we don’t get every Tuesday together. We’ve never in the 8 years we have been together had a day off together and it’s always been fine.

Eventually he is looking to do a 9-5 if possible.

Childcare isn’t really an issue as my mum has the youngest from 15:00 to 18:30 on a Thursday. And my eldest lets himself in after school. It’s just the school holidays that she has them both all day

I think on balance I'd take the Tuesday.
Could nan still do pick up so you get the afternoon free bit you collect at say 4 as eldest is getting home? Your long days you must barely see your kids. It'll help with holidays and your Mom isn't getting any younger

What does he think?

It sounds to me like you should take the shorter hours not actively look to ask work if swapping a Monday or Tuesday off is possible, if not now but in the future.

DH is being really supportive and has said to choose the hours that I would benefit more from. He said that it won’t be forever as he will eventually look for a 9-5.

Thinking long term the new hours would be better I feel. My youngest has ASD and global delay so I would love to be able to spend more time with him too.

With the ASD in the mix, change your hours.

Your DS is only four, so you have years of needing afterschool and holiday care to look at. Your mum won't be getting any younger as time goes on, and may well start to struggle with your DS as he gets bigger. Too, suitable, affordable afterschool clubs and holiday clubs may be more of a challenge to find.