Positive adhd stories. Feeling desperate.

[ThatFridayFeeling11]

I have a 4 year old ds who 99.9% most likely has adhd. I say that because we haven't as yet had an official paediatric diagnosis but awaiting the assessment. However, so far health visitors, nursery staff and a senco have all said adhd. Plus I'm a teacher and dh works with SEN children so we recognised the signs quickly too.

We're struggling so much with ds's behaviour at the moment. He is constantly restless, flits from one thing to another and then becomes seemingly bored so causes carnage. Everything he does is at 100mph. He's destructive and impulsive. For instance, this morning I gave him a bowl of cereal, left the room to get my breakfast, came back and he'd thrown some of it on the floor on purpose and with a smile too. Yesterday, similar thing, I was doing drawing with him at the table, went into the hall to turn the heating on and in those few seconds he'd scribbled all over the table, again with a smile.

His nursery have said he isn't forming friendships with other children. He's chatty towards them but doesn't listen to what they say to him. He can slso get in their faces and has little idea about personal space.

At home, we're finding his aggression towards his 1 year old sister hard to deal with. He will repeatedly knock her over and play far too boisterously with her. I think there is a lot of heloust there unfortunately.

He also touches everything impulsively. Last weekend, we went in a lift at a London tube station and some cans had been left in there. Ds instantly picked them up. Despite telling him so many times about potential harm, risks and dangers, its just not going in. I'm so worried that he's just going to come across one problem after another in life.

If anyone has a positive story about adhd, I'd love to hear it. I'm pretty desperate at the moment.

He needs to hold your hand all the time if you are somewhere busy. All the time. I did this with DS who had sensory overload if we were in an urban environment- till about 7 years old.
Sorry if that’s not a helpful comment but it made a real difference for us.
Otherwise lot and lots of physical exercise. Could he go out into the garden for a run around before breakfast?
This book night be worth a try Smart Foods for ADHD and Brain Health: How Nutrition Influences Cognitive Function, Behaviour and Mood
Lastly ( and you probably know this) children who are neuro diverse are usually at least 18 months younger than their biological age. This really helped me with my son. It put his behaviour into perspective and my expectations as well.

Hi, my DS has ADHD and autism and what you describe sounds very familiar! I would suggest lowering your expectations. Don't expect him to respond to verbal instructions or to remember he isn't meant to touch things. My DS just cannot stop himself.

Things that help us are routines, arranging the house/environment so that there is less chance to do damage, relaxing a bit about the house and expecting things to get drawn on etc, putting a hand on his shoulder when I want his attention. With friends I find it is much better for him to play with one or two others. He can't cope in a big group.

On the bright side, my son is very bright, creative, loves hands on things like cooking and science.

Following

My DS has autism but was very similar to your DC.

I think we just got to a stage of acceptance with him and gave up expecting him to be behave like other children. We didn't leave him unsupervised unless an emergency. We were stricter around things like leaving him unattended with his brother when they were that young. Even now he is exhausting and I don't think he is capable of doing things independently that his peers can. Like getting dressed and ready in the morning etc.

I also think some of what you described is less ADHD behaviour and more about wanting negative attention and sibling jealousy. I had a 2 year age gap with my DC and witnessed some of that type of behaviour as well. So it's important to make sure he gets your undivided attention at some point, lots of positive reinforcement etc.

My middle son has ADHD and I've learned that I have to parent him differently to my other two children - he needs a totally different approach. My advice is to stop thinking about what he 'should' be like and think about what he actually is like and what he needs. My son is 9 now and he has got better at self regulating, but he's needed support to get there.

I have ADHD also but wasn't diagnosed until adulthood - can report that I'm a functioning member of society with a degree and a career. I would say definitely pursue a diagnosis so you can access support for your son - I spent so much of my childhood and early teens wondering 'why am I like this', not understanding why I struggled so much with things others found easy - socially and academically. I did find my groove as I got older - something I wish is that my parents had encouraged and supported me to follow the things I was truly interested in rather than push me toward what they thought of as sensible academic subjects and career options - but that's all water under the bridge now!

My 12 year old ADHD son was exactly as you described. A total whirlwind and really hard to deal with.
He is much easier now. Don't get me wrong, it is still challenging, particularly when you add in hormones but we do much better now. He is kind and funny and I really enjoy his company most of the time.
I practice calm parenting (not wishy washy parenting but trying to remain calm whilst enforcing boundaries) as it a good way to cope with outbursts etc. but we have firm boundaries and consequences. I would look into it as a way of dealing with a child with ADHD if you can.
Also, as much outdoor tine as possible, ideally in nature but a park is also fine. Lots of exercise is key.
He is now learning to make better choices and does try to be kind and respectful towards other people.
It is harder raising a child with SEN but we have mostly good days now with far fewer outbursts than in the past.
Try and remember that the fidget ing, hyperactivity and impulsive behaviour really isn't them being 'naughty'. They cannot help it but with lots of encouragement, they can learn to control it.
I now have fun with my boy and we have lots of lovely time together. It will get easier.

3 neuro-divergent DC all now adults all graduates all working one a successful journalist has just had a book published.
School was difficult lots of conversations with teachers and sencos. Involved ed psychs and medical specialists, don't let school bully you, work with them if possible and expect to spend a lot of your own time doing pointless homework tasks. So proud of my 3

Thank you so much, I appreciate hearing these positive experiences and suggestions because it's so difficult right now.

We're thinking of going privately for a diagnosis and get the wheels in motion for an EHCP further down the line. As I'm a primary school teacher and I know how much you have to fight for support in schools so I want to start ASAP.

I have a trampoline and skipping rope which I love for my adhd-like boy. I also like explanations couched in terms of ‘executive skills’ rather than a label of adhd as that gives me something to aim for. I always wanted to try Irish or Scottish dancing for him - you could try those if there’s any in your neighbourhood. Give him the opportunity to run it off regularly - a lot - and just constant work on self-awareness.

Just jumping in to say I have ADHD and am a nurse practitioner (so we don't all end up in jail! That's a joke btw - trying to be lighthearted).

My autistic daughter didn't get on well at school (very bright but just didn't fit in) home educated -unschooled- until age 13 now she sim the RAF would you believe it!

I think you need to as PP have said, stop parenting the way you would a NT 4 year old, and be more child specific. Try not to give him the opportunity to throw food, draw on tables etc.

As he gets older he will get better but 4 is still very young