What would you expect to happen in this work situation

[Creasedlinen]

I'll try to be brief.

Two people, mid 20s have been working together and in a relationship. They're of equal grade and there are no rules against it.

The relationship has ended. Woman is managing well, going to work and doing what's needed. Man is not doing well, had a week off work sick (MH), returned but spent the morning in tears and was sent home. Now signed off.

The mother of the woman has contacted the company to say man followed daughter home, driving very close behind, flashing lights and then boxed her on once she parked. Father came out and dealt with him. Father is big and scary, although I don't think there was actual violence. Woman does not know mother contacted work.

If you're the boss in this situation, what do you do, I.e. what should either of the employees expect?

Which one are you?

The employer should advise the victim to report the harassment to the police. Then await an outcome, in the absence of any policy. If there is a policy follow the policy.

I would think it's a final written warning occasion tbh.

I'm a friend of the mother's.

Tell woman to report man to police for harassment.

Tell man to get back to work unless he has a sick note.

Speak to HR immediately. A manager shouldn’t be going near this without input.

Yes, but the female staff member hasn't made a complaint or even told the employer that it happened.

OK so a better question would been what would the boss do after taking HR advice?

I would speak to HR to get advice and make sure I follow it to the letter and keep records of all conversations, including with the mum.

He does have a sick note.

Would you want him back at work?

Yes, what I'm really asking is what the HR advice is likely to be. What will they actually do?.

The female staff member needs to report this both to the police, and to her employer. The male member of staff needs to stay signed off sick for the foreseeable future, and possibly then suspended while the police investigation is ongoing.

What police investigation?

OK so a better question would been what would the boss do after taking HR advice?
Errr, they'd follow HR's advice, I hope. Why wouldn't they? Do you mean what would HR advise?

Yes, this is what I'm saying to my friend. No one can really do anything until the employee makes a complaint and actually, passing on the information off the record, puts the manager in a really difficult position.

Yes.

What police investigation? Perhaps the woman doesn't want to involve the police and thinks since he's had a warning from the father and has time off to get his head straight things may level out. Regardless of what we or anyone else thinks.

It's unfair to assume what the woman wants. Why did the relationship break down?

If the mum has already contacted work (wouldn't like to be there when DD finds out she went behind her back!), why didn't she ask what the employer was planning on doing about it?

Now they know, I'm not sure they can ignore it but I wouldn't know what the exact procedure would be. Maybe different organisations have different policies. Maybe DD had to make the complaint herself before they do anything.

What would DM like to happen? What was her end goal when contacting employer behind DD's back? Was she trying to get him sacked? Is this a one off incident or was the man abusive within the relationship too? Why were they police not involved?

Sorry, loads of questions which you don't have to answer, just thinking aloud why employers were informed but not police.

Sorry, cross post.

I am not in HR but I would expect to start with an informal chat with the woman, ask her if she wants to make a police report, offer support if she feels threatened. Then act on her wishes, when he returns to work ensure they are not put in situations together, keep an eye out for him following her or leaving at the same time, and keep up regular updates with her to check in. If she makes a police report and he is arrested, there is presumably a company policy to follow.

it would be loads easier if you'd just say what you're unhappy about.

I don't really know, I've only heard one side of the story and that's come from the woman's mother who's never liked him. He's a young man who had a difficult relationship with his single parent mother and was in trouble as a teen. Has quite a reputational locally because of that, but has reliably worked and stayed out of trouble for the last 5 years.

I think it's odd for mum to have gone to employer without telling her DD but I'm not "unhappy"

Tell the mother to phone the police.

The employer should not get involved unless one of the employees raises an issue with employer.

Then the employer should follow their employment policies and if in doubt seek advice from HR, ACAS or an employment solicitor.

the woman's mother who's never liked him.

Quite frankly I think the mother is in danger of losing her DD if she's not careful. Lots of interfering and no communication. Hope she's not exaggerating because she's never liked the bloke. I'm not condoning what he's allegedly done but if he didn't see the relationship end coming he's hardly going to shake hands amicably. Sounds sensible for him to have time off if he's struggling.

So nothing has happened in the workplace, and the woman involved has not complained? What would you think HR can do at this point? Woman’s mum and dad could/should encourage woman to report to police

The mother was not witness to any of the driving stuff. She really needs to speak with her daughter before she reports to the police. I think the mother is biased and should back off a little and communicate first. Who ended the relationship, was someone else involved etc etc. Yes the bloke has acted emotionally (coming in to work and breaking down in tears) but I don't (at this point) believe he deserves to lose his job or be reported to the police without more facts.