Tell me about your 18 year olds

[ThirtyTeen]

How much time do they spend at home? If they go out do they have a curfew? How often do they go out? What do they do around the home?

I have an 18 year old who I had at 17 and I’m just trying to gauge whether I’m being too strict on them trying to avoid history repeating itself

At 18 they are an adult.
I feel being super strict will just breed resentment and push them further away tbh.

Time at home varies, they are either in their room or I don’t see them at all because they are out with friends. It’s up to them how often they go out but a ‘don’t be too late you have college tomorrow’ generally brings them back by 10:30pm. They don’t drink often, thankfully. I was out in nightclubs & legless at 16!

Bare minimum they can get away with in the house, that’s a huge issue we have, drives me mad and causes most arguments.

Are they working or at school?

Like NewName mine has to be reminded she has college but she only turned 18 on Saturday so I’m navigating this whole being a parent to an adult thing day by day. Generally she has no curfew but understands we have expectations around respect and not wandering around in the dark.

Oh and chores wise there is an expectation she continues on with the rota for washing/drying up and making pack up. And additional chores as and when. They are a member of the household still and have to contribute to the housework

Over half term I will be going with my new 18yo to visit the doctor and dentist so she can sign things saying they can still talk to me. She wants this as she has enough to cope with without also having to deal with repeat prescriptions, making appointments etc.

Mine is turned 18 in the summer and has left school now.

Him and his GF split their time together (when at home) equally between her parents and our house. In the final year of sixth form they slept overnight together (GF older in the year so had turned 18). When not with GF he regularly goes out with mates/they come here.

No Curfew but we have life360 and he will let me know his approx. plans.

He will cook for himself and anyone else who wants a meal at least three nights a week - he is getting pretty good at it. Has only just started stacking and start the dishwasher. Not sure he has unloaded it yet...did to the washing up when the dishwasher broke.

Just starting to put a load of washing on but taking it out and drying it seems a step too far. Keep room tidy, maybe not consistently, but it is tidied several times a week. Will clean/vacuum his room now and again. Occasionally he will take it upon himself to clean around the house but only when he fancies it - he cleaned the fridge last week.

No curfew, but I like to be told when to expect home if out at night as I worry, and that I'd like a text if it's going to go later. Main issue is not being clear about being present for meals at the moment.

Mainly not at home (college and job plus friends) and so no set chores, but changes bed on a Sunday, responsible for own ironing/organising if wanting something specific washed. Keeps room tidy anyway and isn't messy, but I will ask for adhoc things to be done - take bins out, empty the dishwasher, put dinner on etc.

Sorry meant that it was only the weekends that him and his GF slept together overnight when at school - and will be uni holidays now.

In uni so up to her own devices!

my 20 yr old is at home, not as useful as the other one was but if i ask her to hoover/dishes she will. Other one saw work and I often came home to a Zoflora smell in the kitchen.

My DD turned 18 in June.

She doesn't have a curfew but if it's a college night I do remind her she has to be up the next day. Although I'm trying not to do it as much as she is very responsible and always goes to college and work when she should.

I do say if she wants a lift home mid week then it's at an agreed time. It's not a curfew but DH and I work full time so I'm not driving about at all hours.

Shes been making her own doctors and dental appointments for the last year or 2. Although I get roped in if it means being on hold to the docs at 8am waiting for an answer!

She's growing away a little and becoming more independent, as she should. Don't think the worry ever stops though!

The law says they're adults at 18 but most are still in school (for a while), financially dependent upon us and living on our homes. And still teenagers.

There's a balance to be found.

My 18yo works 30 hours a week and is in full time college also.

He socialises mainly with his friends at home, but he is very focused on his degree at the moment, and loves his space so I don't have to worry about him going out and not making college or work. My only expectation is to know when he's going out for the night, and that he cleans up after himself (which he does no problem)

My oldest is now 21, at 17 he was a bit of a nightmare tbh. He is the polar opposite of his brother, didn't do well in school, had 2 or 3 jobs where he was pretty lazy and it didn't work out, didn't apply for college etc. He was only interested in socialising, he didn't have a curfew but he was expected to let me know when he was going to be home, or if he was staying out, he was also expected to clean up after himself, but I had to chase him up for it every time. I got him a job interview the week before his 18th, he got the job, it was perfect for him, he worked hard (partied hard too) and moved in with his friend about 6 months later and is doing really well for himself.

Two very different boys, but the rules were the same for them both and, thankfully, it turned out well.

This is really helpful thank you. She’s only just turned 18 last week, and in full time college and works about 12-16 hours a week.

At the moment she has to be home by 11 on a college night, and at the weekends I expect her to tell me when she’ll be back.

She’s out every night which I have no issue with, but she’s hanging around park and her friends are less than desirable (sorry I know that sounds harsh but we’re talking some of the boys being in police tag etc). This is what worries me.

I have find my iPhone and she has to keep her location on, but she does turn it off.

I have an issue with her new boyfriend as he’s been in trouble before and I’m very wary of him being in the house. I’m trying to be supportive but I’m finding it difficult.

I don’t think I’m too far out from most of you, I just struggle as my own later teenage years were wild and I don’t want her going down the same path!