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Original poster

Am I the only one?

27 replies

justloveandlightx · 11/10/2022 01:43

Just wondering if there's any other parents out there who've never had a night away from their child since they were born! My little boy is 18 months old and I've never ever had a night away from him. He's a dreadful sleeper too, always has been.
Not that I begrudge anyone a night off of course! Quite envious really, but sometimes feel like I'm the only one who's never had a break!

OP posts:
PrunellaMcTat · 11/10/2022 05:22

My children are much older now, but when they were little I never had a night away from them. My only night away from dd1 was the night I spent in hospital having ds1! And then I didn't have a night away from him until he was 3 or 4. It wasn't a massive issue, it was just how things were for us with no close family or grandparents nearby.

They're teens now and do their own thing and they laugh (kindly) at me - I still don't sleep particularly well when one or other of them is away!

DueyCheatemAndHow · 11/10/2022 05:23

No you aren't. 4 years in and we've had one night off and that was to give birth to number 2. Sympathies, it is really hard without a let up.

Wfhandbored · 11/10/2022 06:04

God it's hard when they don't sleep isn't it? I've had two nights away and my partner has had a few weekends away but never together. She's never been with anyone but the pair of us or just me or just dad overnight and truth be told, I'm really proud of that. I don't by any means begrudge people having their kids sleepover at their grandparents etc, I'm just not ready personally. I think also when they're not solid sleepers you worry about the impact on someone else looking after them. It's easy for people to say 'oh I don't mind!' But they never realise how hard it is and then they mind 😂

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KangarooKenny · 11/10/2022 06:44

Me. The only nights away were when I was in hospital having the others.
I]

Hensintheskirting · 11/10/2022 06:47

You're not the only one at all. I didn't have a night away from mine until the eldest was 3 and I was pregnant with the youngest. It didn't happen again till the youngest was 4. Not unusual IMO in fact I'd say it was quite unusual to have a night away when your baby is younger than 18 months?

Original poster
justloveandlightx · 11/10/2022 14:12

Wfhandbored · 11/10/2022 06:04

God it's hard when they don't sleep isn't it? I've had two nights away and my partner has had a few weekends away but never together. She's never been with anyone but the pair of us or just me or just dad overnight and truth be told, I'm really proud of that. I don't by any means begrudge people having their kids sleepover at their grandparents etc, I'm just not ready personally. I think also when they're not solid sleepers you worry about the impact on someone else looking after them. It's easy for people to say 'oh I don't mind!' But they never realise how hard it is and then they mind 😂

Yes exactly this!!

OP posts:
Original poster
justloveandlightx · 11/10/2022 14:14

Hensintheskirting · 11/10/2022 06:47

You're not the only one at all. I didn't have a night away from mine until the eldest was 3 and I was pregnant with the youngest. It didn't happen again till the youngest was 4. Not unusual IMO in fact I'd say it was quite unusual to have a night away when your baby is younger than 18 months?

That's what I thought! But all the people around us who have little ones the same age seem to have nights off here, there and everywhere! Hence the post! May just be our circle of people but certainly feels quite isolating sometimes, definitely feel I'm the crankiest one in the group!

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SpinningFloppa · 11/10/2022 14:14

Well he’s only little? I agree with others that’s it’s not Unusual to have not had a night away from an 18 month old.... I’ve never had a night away from my 5 year old at all or my other kids (in 5 years)

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/10/2022 14:16

Mine’s 3.5 and I haven’t had a night away from her. I haven’t wanted to.

Mumoblue · 11/10/2022 14:17

Mine is 2 and a half and I’ve never had a night off. In fact I don’t think I’ve had more than five hours (the amount of time his dad has him for once a week) to myself since he was born.

It would be nice to have him sleep elsewhere for a night once, mostly because it’s been so long since I’ve had a lie-in 😂

Original poster
justloveandlightx · 11/10/2022 14:27

SpinningFloppa · 11/10/2022 14:14

Well he’s only little? I agree with others that’s it’s not Unusual to have not had a night away from an 18 month old.... I’ve never had a night away from my 5 year old at all or my other kids (in 5 years)

As I said, it seems in our circle of people we are the only ones who haven't, hence the post! I'm not saying it's the right or 'usual' thing to do, I'm just asking if there are other people who haven't done this regularly like us!

OP posts:
Original poster
justloveandlightx · 11/10/2022 14:30

Mumoblue · 11/10/2022 14:17

Mine is 2 and a half and I’ve never had a night off. In fact I don’t think I’ve had more than five hours (the amount of time his dad has him for once a week) to myself since he was born.

It would be nice to have him sleep elsewhere for a night once, mostly because it’s been so long since I’ve had a lie-in 😂

Exactly the same here! Even though our birth was incredibly complicated and I've had lasting medical issues because of it, we've never had a day/ night away from him for even a rest, although sometimes when my chronic pain really kicks in, it would be nice to have a lay in for sure. It's always nice to know you're not alone Flowers

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SpinningFloppa · 11/10/2022 14:36

Of course you won’t be the only one though? Not everyone has grandparents etc To take their kid’s. My mum made it clear to me she wouldn’t be helping with my children.

Original poster
justloveandlightx · 11/10/2022 14:43

SpinningFloppa · 11/10/2022 14:36

Of course you won’t be the only one though? Not everyone has grandparents etc To take their kid’s. My mum made it clear to me she wouldn’t be helping with my children.

Ok, it's just a title for the thread really. I'm not sure why the hostile attitude about it when I'm just asking a question?
Just seems like everybody we know, that has children the same age has had at least 1 or 2 childless nights, so of course it feels that way to us..
we don't have grandparents to help, mine also made it clear they wouldn't be helping. Or aunts uncles etc.
i saw a woman with her baby who couldn't have been more than a couple of months old talking to her friend about how baby was staying with her auntie that night!
Just raised a question in my head that's all, made me feel like I'm going a bit mad!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 11/10/2022 15:05

i saw a woman with her baby who couldn't have been more than a couple of months old talking to her friend about how baby was staying with her auntie that night!

Would you have wanted that? I wouldn’t.

Original poster
justloveandlightx · 11/10/2022 15:09

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/10/2022 15:05

i saw a woman with her baby who couldn't have been more than a couple of months old talking to her friend about how baby was staying with her auntie that night!

Would you have wanted that? I wouldn’t.

No I certainly wouldn't have, I was EBF at that age, and we didn't leave the house due to my medical state, I had quite bad attachment with my son as well so wouldn't have let anyone even if they offered!

This is not a post about me complaining that I haven't had a night off. I'm just asking if there are others who have gone a long stretch without a night to themselves or a lay in.

OP posts:
Original poster
justloveandlightx · 11/10/2022 15:13

Perhaps I need to clarify before anyone else comments implying that I'm silly for asking a question.

We have a large circle of people around us with children of a similar age, who have at least had 1 or 2 nights away from their child.
I witness it frequently, on social media etc, people having a night away with their other half etc.

The world of motherhood can be a lonely one, and we don't have the same advantages that other people around us have (lovely grandparents or family that want to help!)
Just nice to hear you're not alone sometimes. Apologies if that has riled anyone up.

OP posts:
Neverfullycharged · 11/10/2022 15:19

Out of my NCT group of six, one fairly regularly has her DD sleep over at her SILs. Two go away for weekends fairly regularly. The remaining three don’t have sleepovers or go anywhere. My DH has had frequent hotel stays but I’ve yet to manage one - not through want of trying. We even had DS with us on our wedding night - not the most romantic of arrangements!

RoseMartha · 11/10/2022 15:20

I havent had a night away from my girls since about 2014. Would really like one as one has SN and both have MH problems so it is relentless.

Neverfullycharged · 11/10/2022 15:20

@justloveandlightx ds sleeps through mostly now but in the days of broken sleep (and DS was one of those children who once he was awake it took hours to get him back in his cot) I used to fantasise about a weekend off. I really did.

Original poster
justloveandlightx · 11/10/2022 15:24

Neverfullycharged · 11/10/2022 15:19

Out of my NCT group of six, one fairly regularly has her DD sleep over at her SILs. Two go away for weekends fairly regularly. The remaining three don’t have sleepovers or go anywhere. My DH has had frequent hotel stays but I’ve yet to manage one - not through want of trying. We even had DS with us on our wedding night - not the most romantic of arrangements!

Oh wow! We are getting married soon and this will be the same arrangement for us! X

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cptartapp · 11/10/2022 15:25

We never had a child free night until both DC were about ten and went to the same cub camp. I think that was the first and only time. They're 19 and 17 now. No one ever offered or seemed keen despite them being great sleepers.
I would have killed for it from a very young age tbh.

Original poster
justloveandlightx · 11/10/2022 16:25

cptartapp · 11/10/2022 15:25

We never had a child free night until both DC were about ten and went to the same cub camp. I think that was the first and only time. They're 19 and 17 now. No one ever offered or seemed keen despite them being great sleepers.
I would have killed for it from a very young age tbh.

Blimey that's a long time without a proper rest! That's the thing, everyone needs a break from time to time I think

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thaegumathteth · 11/10/2022 16:27

Erm yes - mine are 15&12. They've had sleepovers and school trips but never at the same time.

OhmygodDont · 11/10/2022 16:30

My oldest is 13 and I can say his slept away maybe 8 times in his whole life, 2 of those without his siblings so 6 times since we had our oldest have we had a child free night.